Moving DD midterm from private primary to state primary - advice please

[Nomster]

Practical advice needed please. I have been offered a place this week in a voluntary aided catholic primary school for my 5 year old DD who is currently in Year 1 at a lovely private school. The new school is classed as 'Outstanding' and was actually my first choice for my daughter when we applied at reception entry time. However she didn't get in then and we got a place at her current private school instead which I'm really happy with. Our problem is our finances have changed in the past year, the fees of the current school we've recently learnt will be increased more than inflation, which we can afford for another year at least, after that who knows. If my DD takes the place at the state catholic school our DS who is currently 2 will also secure a place too. It will save us a small fortune, and I am concerned at how we will manage two lots of fees. We were supposed to move home last year, which is why I took the private place, thinking it would be temporary, but now we're staying put.

My dilemma is my daughter is just so happy at her current school and is flourishing there. She has great friendships and talks about her school, teacher and friends constantly and it breaks my heart to move her, when it is now down to helping out our finances.

I do have other reservations about her entering the catholic system too (my husband is of catholic faith, I am not). Whilst I can see that it will ease the pressure on my husband and I financially to move her, I'm worried about the damage and stress it could put my DD under.

Am I being over sensitive here and should I just be grateful there is a decent primary school which she can move to?

This has nothing to do with private schools vs state schools, I just would like some advice on how to handle the move and to hear if any other mums netters have had to deal with any similar situations when finances have been tight?

She will get over it. I would transition the gap. If you know any children in the state school class do p!at dates before she moves. After she moves keep up plays for however long with friends in private school. Traumatic for a little one but many go through this. Better to move her when she is young rather than when she is a bit older.

Nomster, my heart goes out to you. This is a horrible decision to have to make.

Are you really, really sure you can't afford the fees going forward? Is your financial situation likely to change / improve?

We put our reception aged DD in to our local 'outstanding', small, rural, primary in September. For one reason and another we withdrew her from school 3 weeks later. She's going to a wonderful independent school after Easter.

We had considered private education before but were worried about being able to afford it long-term for two DCs. But, now we're a year + down the line we're fortunate enough to be able to afford it for the foreseeable future, and our situation is such that we should be able to afford the increased fees later on for Prep and Senior school.

The local primary we selected had 30 pupils in a mixed year class. DD left that school not once having read anything remotely close to her capabilities. Her new independent school has 15 pupils in each class. During a few hours visit, DD was reading to her teacher a book pitched exactly at her ability.

I often hear people say that independent schools for primary aged kids is wasted money. I completely disagree. When you're looking at double the teacher:pupil ratio, I don't think you can put a price on that.

Ou may have only heard recently about the proposed fee increase. But do be aware that school fees inflation has outstripped other indices, sometimes by a hefty amount, consistently for years.

You might want to rework your projections assuming about 5% rises every year.

I agree with meditrina, you should expect fee increases of at least 5% every year.
If you won't be able to afford that then I would suggest you move her.
I am sure she will adapt. Maybe you can try to do some play dates with old friends after she has moved.

My Dc have all had new children join their over subscribed schools, and the have settled well.
There are some very good things about the underlying philosophy of Catholic schools eg. The emphasis on parents being the first teachers. Not all Catholic schools are the same, and certainly tend to be very different than they once were. Lots of teachers are not even Catholics.

I would take the school offered without hesitation, especially as it was your first choice, and because, financially it seems like you do not have much choice.

You sound like a very caring, tuned-in parent with the skills to support your daughter through the transition. There's been quite a lot of traffic through my DD and DS1's classes at primary, but new kids seem to have found their feet pretty quickly in most cases. Children are adaptable.

I am a bit at the previous poster who seems to think that you will automatically be downgrading your daughter's quality of education by moving her from independent to state. IMO there are way more important things than teacher:child ratios.

While my DDs are in the private system, if we had an Outstanding school in the area that we had a chance of getting into, I'd seriously consider it.

A friend has moved her daughter from our private school to a great CoE school. She has never looked back and is very happy. And, I think her daughter is doing better there than she did in an all girls school.

I would advice you to be very transparent with your current school about your reasons for leaving. It's best to leave on good terms as you never know how things might turn out.

Finally, your daughter would adjust quickly. They do at this age. DD1 changed schools this year and, while she was initially unhappy we were moving her, it only took her a term to become happy in a new place.

Good luck!

That isn't actually what I said meant Mary.

OP, obviously I don't know the finer points of your own situation. All I can do is relay to you my own experience.

I would simply advice that you don't make a knee-jerk reaction based on money only. Which I'm sure you wouldn't. Like others have said, talk to your existing school. And really think about whether or not the money will be difficult for you for years to come, or whether a few years of money being tight it might get much easier. Most people would hope to increase their earnings as the years go on.

For us, there was a world of difference between our outstanding CofE school, and the independent school we're now going to.

Tough, how did your move work out?

If you are struggling financially with just one child in year one then I would definitely move.

Don't forget though you will need to pay a term's fees notice.

Move her. The short term pain would be worth the longer term saving. Fees always rise well above inflation, plus the incremental rises and other extra expenses as they progress up.

BTW, I'd totally agree that if it's a definite (as definite as it can be) that this isn't something you'd afford long-term, then it's best to move her sooner rather than later.

I hope you come to a decision you're happy with OP.

Sorry breathing - it did come across that way a bit!

It's not the sector that guarantees whether a child's experience is good or bad. There are wonderful independent schools and crappy independent schools, wonderful state schools and crappy ones.

I'm aware of a lot of traffic coming from independent to state lately at our DC's primary and at schools where friends' kids go, for many reasons, not just financial.

I also think that it seems like a massive deal to change schools, but once the decision is made, ultimately it isn't. I know it is made harder because she is currently so happy, but the stress caused to the family by long term and increasing financial worry would, imo, undermine that ultimately.

I'm an expat and children where I live move schools often. DD's teacher always says that, especially when it comes to younger children, it's often a bigger deal to the parents than the children themselves. Your DD will adapt. Mine has and it took about two weeks to get used to her new school. Sounds like moving will be great for the whole family too.

Move her. Our outstanding school has loads moving from private into it. Within a week or two they settle in just fine.

We moved our daughter mid term (Y1) from an awful private school to an outstanding state school. (The private school didn't care about our daughter's medical needs.) She was very upset when we first told her, as she had made friends there. However, we assured her the new school would be better and she was fine after that. One year on, we asked her which school she prefers, and without hesitation she said the states school. We also agree, as everything there is better - teachers, head teacher, environment, care etc.

I think Y1 is a good moment to move. My DD's best friend started part way through Y1 and is so well settled and one of the most popular children. Would she be starting straight after school hols? That would be a good place to move I think.

Move her. There have been DC arriving mid term at various stages for both my DC, and it really is a matter of weeks before you cannot see the joins. Such short term disruption vs the huge gains is a non-decision IMHO.

My only concern would be your reservations about the catholic school. How large did those loom when you were looking at schools in the first place? It sounds like you were happy with the school which you chose and didn't get into then - what has changed, if anything, since then?

I do feel for you as I had the same situation with a very very shy dd-I was so upset at having to move her as i was so worrie hwo she would react. however, she was totally fine, never looked back. I agree with those who have said that we worry about but but children tend to take it in their stride x

My DCs are at a very good primary school. They often have children moving mid year from private schools and they have all settled in really well and made to feel really welcome. I think children find these transitions much easier than we do. My kids get really excited when new ones join!

I would look at the teachers and teaching as the most important differentiating factor here, rather than class sizes or anything else. It's the people that make a school. If the new school has that and is the most practical, future proof option then switch. Your DD will be able to adapt and once your family is part of that school community you will too

OP, I'm not sure how you can declare this isn't a State v Private conversation yet seek advice from others who have experience 'when finances are tight'.

However, from my experiences as a child and from my children's experiences, moving schools isn't a horrible thing. Especially at primary school, especially when your child is only five.

If she were 12, that would be different. Even then she would adjust, unless she has SN or particular difficulties socially.

Going from a school you like to another school you like ( first choice) is a great choice to have.

I second the other poster who suggested initiating play dates, in either direction/school, to help her transition, but my guess I'd that the old school friends will quickly fade unless you are particularly friendly with a set of parents there.

As for the Catholic issue, I don't see how it's a problem now if it wasn't a problem before.

Best of luck. She'll be fine.

Thank you all for your comments, advice and words of support, it means a lot. She will be moving schools in a couple of weeks now, dreading it due to her expected response, but know for the family its the best thing, for her personally right now i'm not so convinced as she just so happy where she is. A little pain now for gain for all later on I hope.
Onwards and upwards for all.
Thanks x