reception DS very naughty at school... dont know what to do!

[teenytinypuppy]

DS started reception last September, he is an August child so one of the youngest in his class. He is an only child.

First term parents evening I was told he was not 'ready to learn' and was challenging and did not do as he was told. DS has always been pretty honest, he comes home and tells me he missed play and got told to keep his hands to himself etc. My family and I told him often that he must be good in school, tried to reiterate rules at home must be taken into the classroom.

Today, his teacher called me in to talk at the start of the day and told me he has not improved, he will not do as he is told and just says he does not want to. After school I had another chat with her and she said he'd not been good at all.

Some examples of things he has done are, ripped a book on a trip to the library (he claims it was an accident), dropping toy trains on his classmates, kicking children under the table at lunch.

He is not this badly behaved at home, he has his moments, but it is nowhere near as consistent as his teacher is saying it is at school.

His teacher has suggested we punish him at home for being naughty in school so there is consistency outside of the classroom. I'm due to discuss it with DSs father tomorrow morning and go in for another chat with his teacher.

Has anyone else experienced this? I am horrified that my son is the misbehaving one of his class and I would love some tips on how to make him understand.

What punishments do you think would be effective, Pengyquin+Ridingthestorm+poppy70? How do you "stamp on it"?

OP listed:

not doing as he's told
ripped a book on a trip to the library (he claims it was an accident),
dropping toy trains on his classmates,
kicking children under the table at lunch.

Exactly What should OP do to punish her child for each of those?

I just said. We have a traffic light system. When they get to red they loose a bit of play and do some tidying in the class. If its extreme they see the head.

So at home OP should ban her child from some kind of play time using a traffic light system (?) And who is the HT type figure for child to see at home (Grandpa?)

And sorry if I wasn't clear. I meant what punishments should OP impose at home to comply with the teacher request.

I am not their parent. What is appropriate at school is not appropiate at home. Lits of them just vwant to make mummy proud, so as the ultimate reward I write a note to Mum. The children in the classroom should know the expectation. It is just continuously work on the reminders, consequences, doing what you will say you will do. It is a long journey in reception.

I never said there should be punishments. Whatever works for you and your child.

And to be honest the child isn't the worst. The only naughty thing seems to be the ripping of the book - which is disrespecting property. The rest is just the reality of reception. It isn't easy for some, their parents or their teachers.

poppy, you seem to be confusing positive behaviour management with accepting negative behaviour. In my experience, it is entirely possible to manage a pre-school group by focussing on the positives and using natural consequences, expressing disappointment and helping the child understand the effect their behaviour has on others. Aside from the ratios, it can't be that different in reception.

Children with ASD often need different behaviour management styles again as they don't always link behaviour with consequences but, in general, positive works better than negative.

Stamping on any sort of behaviour sounds a bit extreme TBF.

I think the teacher in the OP is quite right to raise this issue with the parent but in order to help identify the reasons behind the behaviour, to make sure they are giving the child positive messages about his behaviour in school and maybe to arrange a method of reinforcing the positive through reports home and consequent praise or rewards.

Imposing punishments at home for unacceptable behaviour in school smacks of a teacher who is not capable of managing the classroom.

It is the policy of special schools to not punish or sanction children in any way. I have worked in them and I don't. In fact my ASD are not on any type of behaviour management. They are rewarded with being able to spend extra time with or doing their favourite thing. It is never taken away though. Stamp out is an adult phrase, I am not running a boot camp. Of course explanations are given, the know the reasons for every rule in the class, they came up with them. And nursery I am afraid is nothing like reception. Their developmental stage is shifting. They have boundaries and they are firm. There are so many strategies behaviour charts, stickers, notes home on the great days, victims of hitting or whatever using their voice to explain how it made them feel, social stories, social interventions groups, playtime intervention groups. I have them comming out my ears. Like I said whatever works.

Trust me your son sounds fine. Working with the teacher can only be positive. I have seen some stuff in my time in inner city schools. I have literally been in classrooms where the head turned round and said there is no talking to this child. I don't think a teacher should ask a parent to punish a child just for their support in reinforcing positive behaviour. Some parents bribe the kids with treats... I refuse to explicitly bribe the children in my class but it is the parents choice.

my reception DS was being really badly behaved nearer the start of the autumn term, I felt mortified when the teacher told me at the first parents evening as although he's far from perfect at home he wasn't that bad.

They have a behaviour system at school where they get put on an orange light if abit naughty and a red light if still naughtly so I basically started a reward system at home where every day DS didn't go on a light at school he got a sticker and then when he got so many he got a pressie. It seemed to change his behaviour more or less overnight for the better. He is still not the perfectly well behaved child but don't think he will ever be that.

In fact my ASD are not on any type of behaviour management. They are rewarded with being able to spend extra time with or doing their favourite thing.

That isn't behaviour management?

Well no to be honest because it doesn't take up my time. The BH strategies for some children eats into what is a manic day in reception. Sticker charts, feedback, explaining choice, behaviour, consequence, getting all sides of the story from an incidence I didn't see about whether it was accidental or purposeful. They require my management and can ultimately just eat into teaching time. Sometimes I feel guilty about just giving them 3 minutes with a dinosaur... I should be interacting with them or doing something. Whatever you do you could always do more.

Well no to be honest because it doesn't take up my time.

Some of the best behaviour management strategies don't take up lots of time. In fact one of the best is catching a child's eye when you've seen them doing something you like and giving them a thumbs up.