Do I talk to this girl's mother or speak to the teacher?

[Amanda1]

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What a sad situation- I feel partly reassured that it is not just my dd who has to put up with this kind of nonsense in the playground, but when adults get involved too it goes to a whole new level. Amanda1, I don't know whether I should even suggest this, but it's not possible that B's mother is homophobic is it? I have no idea whether that would be an issue of course and I don't want to put awful thoguhts into your head, it's just that it might put a different light on things

But if the school has this "always making room for another" policy, then surely it applies to all the children. Your dd should not be excluded. It just seems really wrong to me that a teacher can just ignore school policy like that.

But is there evidence that the teacher agreed with the mother or has been colluding at all? Perhaps she thought she had stopped it and didn't want it escalating by telling you.

I can't stand it when other parents make assumptions about kids. You can't tell what a child is like from one or two encounters.

I would speak to B's mum as this 1st incident didn't happen atSchool.

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Sorry, I really didn't mean to offend you, it just occurred to me as a possibility. I am tamum normally, have spoken to you on breast cancer threads mainly.

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Phew that you're not offended, but very sad about your dd. Such a sweet note, bless her. I feel furious with B's mum.

If this happened to a child of mine, I wouldn't do anything other than try to build dc's confidence. I remember this sort of thing going on all the time at my school and the person who is "excluded" used to change regularly. I think it's a girly thing tbh and would be surprised if it were on a serious level... I remember my mother disliking several of my sister's friends, but nothing she said ever stopped my sister from being friends with them. If you like someone, you just carry on anyway. Mind you, this was at senior school, so I guess it might be different.

If you do anything, I'd say keep it very low-key for the moment. I guess you need to clarify what the school's take on this is, but your dd isn't being physically or verbally abused and the whole situation might blow over by itself whereas your intervention might cause it to escalate.

Hope you get a positive response from the school anyway!

I agree with Mumpbump, but also you D needs to know that you are taking this as seriously as your child wants you to.

Let her know that even if you do not do anything straight away, is not because you don't think it matters. Let her know you don't think she is making a fuss over nothing or she won't tell you if other things happen next week.

Maybe take the weekend to talk things through with her first. It will get better. Have a nice weekend.

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It is so hard when this type of issue is not out in the open.
I have recently lost a good friend in a small village and given myself a real headache after handling a bullying situation badly. Went tot he school first and trusted them (wrongly) to sort it out rather than confront the other parent - who I knew would be tearful ,d efensive and downright awkward about it. Prob was that when she found out about it, not only was she tearful, defensive and awkward (my child is exagerrating and attention seeking...) she was also furious with me for going to the school "behind her back" and betraying our friendship, feels she can?t ever trust me again etc etc.
I dread every school run as it is a small playground where everyone talks to everyone else. I know everyone knows about it and that she has bent loads of ears about it - no-one broaches the topic with me. Most others are still ok with me but I am so embarrassed and humiliated everytime she cuts me dead and stares right through me - I can see the embarrassed looks on others faces etc etc. TBH, if DD doesn?t settle into the school year (she is ok at the mo) it is enough for me to wish I could switch schools or even move house it is so bad.

Just be careful!

Yes exactly Batters, the teacher should be extolling the virtues of "everyone being kind to everyone else" and everyone playing together, even if some of the children fall out occasionally. Without that being stated and the example being set how can the children hope to learn to get on with each other in the school community?

i think you need to know that happened between party and day the mother went to school. teacher should have told you already. maybe thats why the teacher agrees they shoud not play together - but until you know you cant decide. i wouldnt wait to parents evening either the damage is being dome with all this playing with one one day and they other the next. IYKWIM

Actually I would say it's encouraging that 6 & 7 year old girls have decided to try to find a solution themselves - it may not be the ideal solution, but they are not just blindly following the other girl. Obviously they like your dd and don't want to exclude her all the time - but they probably like the other girl too, and unless there is more to the situation that you haven't posted it doesn't seem to be the little girl's fault, it's her mum who's told her not to play with your dd

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Why not call the other girl's mother directly on some other pretext and play dumb. Say that you're puzzled because your dd has told you that she doesn't want her daughter to play with her and that you're sure that someone's got hold of the wrong end of the stick... Just see what she says... If I were you, I'd be interested in knowing how proactive the school were in dealing with the situation, but agree with what someone else has said that it's still probably better to speak to the other mother about it plus it's the only way you're ever going to know what has prompted this...

Have only skimmed the thread, so apologies if I'm repeating anything.

We had a similar situation with our youngest son when he was in Yr1.

TBH, although you can't expect every child to play with every single child, this amounts to exclusion, encouraged by a parent, and it's against (our) school anti-bullying policy.

It took an age to get the whole scenario sorted out (was a bigger issue than just this one thing) but all the boys involved play well together now (in year 3).

And much as said mother still dislikes my family intensely she cheered my son on (along with others) at the cubs swimming gala last night, so there is hope for the longer term.

Oh god, how heartbreaking. It's such a lovely letter, bless her. I think if it was me I would be inclined to give it to the teacher to give to B's mother, because doing it like that might give the teacher a much needed push to get things sorted out too.

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