How much actual work are kids doing in reception and what would they miss if they missed it

[Italiangreyhound]

My son is only just 4 and I am not sure how much reception year he will do. The woman who will teach him has put the wind up me by implying he will not be able to catch up. He is only just 4. I am incredibly depressed at the idea that at 4 he could fall behind.

Please could I ask any parents and especially teachers or TA, just how much actual work are kids doing in reception and what would they miss if they missed it all or most of it.

I feel terrible but he is very young and there are lots of reasons for him not to rush right into school just yet so I think I am doing the right thing for him but have been made to feel like a selfish cow for holding him back!

Is only this one school feasible for you? In my experience of visiting a number of schools as a parent and for other reasons, is that they vary massively. Within a 3/4 mile of us we have everything from very formal MC outstanding faith schools where 1 size seems to fit most and then very diverse community schools that have lots of children with challenging backgrounds, English as a second language, excellent SEN provision more flexible approaches etc

I think your situation is exceptional, and you have a very good rationale for keeping your ds back at home. Forming a strong and secure attachment with you is probably the most important thing for your ds right now.

Generally speaking, though, I think kids do miss out if they miss reception - to some extent academically, but definitely socially. I know several parents who have chosen to hold their kids back, and it did take a few years for them to catch up. In a couple of cases, I think it also dented the kids' confidence as they realised that they were behind. Of course, it isn't possible to say that this was because they missed reception. It could be that their relative immaturity was precisely the reason why their parents chose to hold them back. On balance, though, I think reception is important.

However, I think there are more important factors in your DS's case, so to some extent, it's irrelevant what he might miss, and as long as you have an awareness of the skills that he might be learning in reception, you can probably help to mitigate for what he has missed at home.

I would go with your instincts I'm this case. He'll be fine! :)

normally I would say start in the september and do the whole of Reception but I think given how recently he joined your family the attachment and trust part of it all is the most important thing for you to consider. So what if he is never top of the class if indeed he was unable to catch up for some reason. It is far more important that he feels safe and secure with you and has a strong sense of self worth and self belief. Go with your gut instinct.

For an actual breakdown (I have been a reception teacher), roughly about 20 mins of maths related work, 20 mins of phonics related work, a focus activity based on one of the humanity subjects and if they're lucky, get a chance to read with an adult. Obviously there are activities set out related to all areas of the curriculum but very few 4/5 year olds will see a tape measure and think," lets do some measuring", they'll use it as a lasso or a weapon. If your child is ready to
learn there is nothing that is done in reception that you can't do at home with a bit of imagination/effort. There are loads if classes, clubs your child can join if they need the social element. School can quite often turn children off learning (just look at the threads here re having to read books about cement and building roads). You want to encourage your child to enjoy learning and for some school is the place, for others, starting a bit later would help and others again, not going at all. Only you can know what's best. Good luck.

DS1 has just finished reception.
He has grown in confidence, covered all sorts of things I'd never have considered (remembrance day, for example, was covered in much more detail than I've previously done), started reading simple books (were still at "Tom's mad mop" sort of words), count to 100, and do "grasshopper counting " ie in 2s. He has also started simple sums (1+9, 2+8 ie all make 10), doubling. School have managed to persuade him that picking up a pencil and writing isn't BAD. He will also colour now.

I don't think they did more than an hour of formal learning a day.

Friendships have been very fluid (tho he still marrying his girlfriend of 3 years!)

With a bit of research, I don't think they have done anything that a dedicated parent, who didn't work FT, couldn't do from home. Especially if you knew which school you were going to get, and talked to them about what systems they use, and purchased the appropriate phonics books/guides.

From what I've seen above, and on other threads, but not knowing your DS, I think I'd try for:
option 1) defer for a year, and enter YR aged 5.something
option 2) start YR aged 4.something, and do mornings only, maybe building to mornings and lunch, then afternoon over the year
option 3) home school for a year, and enter Y1 aged 5.something
option 4) start school FT in Jan or at Easter in YR.

Obviously there are activities set out related to all areas of the curriculum but very few 4/5 year olds will see a tape measure and think," lets do some measuring"

You have reminded me of dd at age 4, wanting to measure everything in her classroom and getting very frustrated at the fact that her friends weren't really into it!

Thanks RiversideMum what a kind thing to say.

kesstrel the school would let him enter any time in this first year. I need an answer from the school whether he can enter reception next year before I decided if he goes this year so am holding on for an educational psychologist appointment.

We live in a rural location Doodledot and there are only 2 schools in walking distance to us. The other school is very small and I feel will not be as good as the larger one. They both say all the right things and in a way neither had offered me a guarantee of what I would prefer so they are actually quite similar, just one smaller and one larger, there are pros and cons for a smaller or larger school. DD is already at the larger one, although that would not sway me but does mean I know the school better.

I must 'confess' I am worried I am a bit biased against school altogether as I hated school and dd (10) and dyslexic is not having a great time at the moment. She has friends and seems to be coping OK but her dyslexia is a problem for her.

I wonder how I can make sure it is not a blanket bias against schools/teachers/education (NO offence to any kind teachers who have posted here) that is making me feel so negative about DS going to school soon!?

Snapespotions and nonicknameseemsavailable thank you.

Littlemisssunshine... yea ...but very few 4/5 year olds will see a tape measure and think," lets do some measuring", they'll use it as a lasso or a weapon… ha ha I agree. In our house tape measures (and EVERYTHING similar) are dog leads!

And You want to encourage your child to enjoy learning and for some school is the place, for others, starting a bit later would help and others again, not going at all. Only you can know what's best.

It feels like a big responsibility. I can see some parents and teachers know kids who did or did not catch up easily. So it is dependant on the child. I do think it is important to see that education too early can turn a child off education, like being thrown n the pool as a child meant my mum never learnt to swim and always feared water.

I feel so many things can be neutral, either good or bad! Reading is fun for many but a real turn off for others. I realised when I joined a book group I hate books! I'm dyslexic and have a real blind spot were books are concerned! But I can read on the internet for hours!

addictedtosugar thanks, very helpful. love that your ds knows who he will marry, much simpler that way! I will consider it all and maybe chat more to school and try and get them on side. They just seem to want to get their hands on ds and the more they want him the less I want to send him! But they should be able to tell me what to do at home to help him.

PS The idea that I may help my child learn to read is really quite scary too. I must admit all this school stuff brings out my own anxieties. I was told my dd was falling behind when she was 4, just before her 5 birthday! It's painful and makes you feel school will always be a place of disappointment. I have friends whose kids have been bullied and school has not sorted it. I just want school to be a safe and happy place for all kids. I am not at all anti-school but I feel school don't automatically deserve to be considered a great place to be! They need to show they are a great place to be.

BUT TAs and teacher on here, please be reassured you have been wonderful, thank you.

I mean incidents of bullying at both local schools not just the one dd goes to, and .

And yes there is bullying at all schools I am sure but it is how schools deal with it that counts ultimately.

night all. Thank you. grin]

Hi,
a few posters have mentioned how much their DC came along socially during reception. Now it is important to remember that they also grew a whole year older in that time! They may have become more confident/whatever DESPITE going to reception, rather than thanks to.

I'm not saying that reception cannot benefit kids socially. I just think it will only benefit kids (socially AND academically) if they are ready for it.

DS has been in reception for 4 weeks now. He is loving it and seems to be having a great time. And yet. He is extraordinarily tired when he gets home. Which leads to types of behaviour we have never before seen in him. And there is literally NO time to deal with anything, e.g. anxieties around friendships, anxieties about his great-grandmother who is dying, anything. It has got to be: Walk home from school (get some physical exercise in), snack, read school book, 30 minutes downtime (he is no longer able to entertain himself, he is too tired), supper, bed.
My DS is August born but I have heard several stories from friends who have older-in-the-year kids. They are also seeing atypical behaviour, extreme knackeredness, nightmares, trouble sleeping, newly appearing separation anxieties.

The social side of reception is a huge, steep learning curve. It manages to unsettle children who are perfectly healthy, securely attached, old-in-the-year, have 4 years of full time nursery experience... Most of these will get through these hard, hard initial days/weeks and will be fine at the other end. Some won't, or will be unnecessarily set back. And what about a child who starts without a secure attachment, emotionally young, etc.?

All these experiences of 'DC struggled at first but was fine and came along amazingly in the end' need to be taken on board cautiously. a) your DS has a different starting point which might make the 'in the end' part not work out. b) they might have done amazingly even without going to school, just due to growing older/more mature. c) Sometimes they struggle initially because they are being made to behave in ways that suits school, rather than suits a 4yo. Just like a child might stop screaming/clinging at nursery drop off, then everyone will say oh look he is fine now. But actually he might not be, but has learned that there is no point in trying to get your own, real needs met. IMO kids who 'settle' into school after a difficult start may in some cases be doing the same thing - it is not really that school now suits them, but rather that they have given up.

Thanks Meita.

It's funny, I was 5 or 6 minutes late ot pick up ds from preschool and he walked out looking like thunder, the teacher said 'Ph he wants to stay.' I knew differently. He was angry I was late. I buried my face in his and kissed him and said I was sorry about 10 times. I said 'can you forgive me.' he said 'I already have.'

I just love that boy, and increasing I know how, better than teachers who see him a few times a week. I must remember this!

Thanks all.

Sorry .... I just love that boy, and increasing I know him, better than teachers who see him a few times a week. I must remember this!

MY DD skipped year R as we were living overseas in a country where children start school a year later. The year 1 teacher was shocked that she couldn't read or write. It took a lot of hard work from the teacher,who was wonderful,but by the end of year 1 she was reading and by the end of year 2 she was working at the expected level for her age. If you keep your DS home do some phonics work using a system like read write inc which is easy to use and perhaps aim to teach him his sounds and learn to write the letters. Just approach it in a relaxed way and see anything he learns as a bonus.
My limited knowledge of adoption leads me to believe that forming a secure attachment with you and your family is the most important thing for your DS. I would not be pushed into sending him to school unless you feel completely sure that both your DS and you are ready.
I may get into trouble for saying this but I feel that in England there is a culture that children must be in school from age 4 regardless of the consequences on the emotional , psychological and social needs of the child. This is of course ridiculous and it makes me sad that teachers would put learning phonics before these needs. When your son is an adult what will stay with him is not that he learned phonics at 'the right age' but that he was adopted into a secure loving family. Now is the time to build that bond.

Thank you Backofbourke that is very encouraging.

Hi Italian, I'm in a very similar position. My boy is late summer born, just turned four and is adopted. He's been with me for a bit longer though, just over 12 months.
He has started full time reception this year but had he been with me any less time I would have thought much harder about that decision. Like any child he is ridiculously tired after school but that is to be expected. Learning wise, he's doing fine but emotionally he is just on the boundaries of coping. He is being pretty badly behaved at school (fine at home) and very clingy and petrified I won't turn up at home time.
The school made all the right noises before he started and are definitely trying now but I fear they just don't 'get' the impacts of his difficult start in life.
I don't regret my decision to start him this year but I completely know where you're coming from. I know he's only been with you for five months but he's your boy and you know him best so only you can decide so don't be pushed into something that doesn't feel right for you.

Thanks ReetaSkeeter I hope it will go well for you.

Do you post on the adoption boards here, I do, I get a lot of support there too.

Thanks for your kind post.

My ds is a bright boy but emotionally rather young. I worry he will not cope well with 30 kids and 3 adults, at the moment he is a preschool with about 4 or 5 adults and 15-18 kids for mornings three times a week and is OK. I want to move slowly to upgrade that time so he gets used to it.

I hope all goes well for you and your little lad.

I may get into trouble for saying this but I feel that in England there is a culture that children must be in school from age 4 regardless of the consequences on the emotional , psychological and social needs of the child.

Why would you get into trouble? You're absolutely right . I personally think that 5/6 is a much better age for full-time 'proper' school.