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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Unhelpful teacher in Reception

57 replies

Kmum31 · 12/09/2014 14:18

I had a problem picking up my DD from Reception today as I found him crying and lying on the floor and was told that he did not want to listen and sit down with other children so they put him in the corner. I thought he was naughty as he used to like pushing the boundaries but at home when he calmed down he.said that he does not know how to sit with crossed legs and when he couldn't do it at school they sat him in the corner. I am really angry as it took me to teach him how to cross his legs about 2 minutes and he was really upset as he said he wasn't naughty and did not understand the whole situation.

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MaddHatter · 12/09/2014 14:23

I think you need to take what he said with a pinch of salt. I would be really surprised if a teacher would tell a boy off for not being able to cross his legs! Especially in his first week of reception! I would suggest that you just forget about it and don't make it into a big deal for your DS. Maybe you could have a quiet word with the teacher at an appropriate time on Monday to say that he was confused about how to sit and see what she says. But whatever you do don't undermine his teacher or make him think that she is mean!

Heels99 · 12/09/2014 14:26

A lot of emphasis is put in reception on " super sitting" . Sitting without squirming, disrupting others, looking at the teacher, not fiddling or talking. Practice this at home, use a timer to make it fun or practice when reading a story for example, ds could sit next to you in the sofa in "super sitting" mode.

starlight1234 · 12/09/2014 14:31

I would have a quick word with the teacher. One thing I have learnt is there is often another version. Did he refuse to sit down as he didn't know how to cross his legs.

tethersend · 12/09/2014 14:34

I would not be happy with this at all. Being made to sit in the corner is a humiliating punishment which went out with the ark.

Definitely speak to the teacher. I'd adopt the approach of 'how are we going to prevent this happening again, as it was a very distressing experience for my child'

Original poster

Kmum31 · 12/09/2014 14:38

Thanks for the advice. Will definitely have a quiet word with the teacher. He is very lively and is hard for him to sit still so I will practice that more at home.

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IsItMeOr · 12/09/2014 14:39

Oh poor you and DS. I remember last year when DS started reception so well.

My advice is that you take a deep breath, reassure him, lots of quiet time after school, and give it a few weeks.

You will almost certainly both be fine. It is a big change for both of you, and it is very early days. Probably the teacher is great, but it's just a really big transition for all those little ones and the teacher getting to know them all.

DeWee · 12/09/2014 14:41

Well if that was my ds, what they would have meant was he was sitting on the matt with his feet poking someone else. Teacher asks him to cross his legs. He responds by poking his foot harder. Teacher says he has to cross his legs or go and sit in time out/corner etc. He crosses his legs for the few seconds she's looking at him and then shoots his legs back out as far as he can.

He says all innocently to me/TA/anyone else who asks: "But I don't know how to cross my legs, so I couldn't".

To his mind he's been told off for not crossing his legs (which actually he did know, but at preschool they called it "legs together", and he was aware of this but deliberately not understanding). So what he's saying has a ring of truth to him. However what he was really being told off for was the deliberate disobedience and poking other people with his feet.

The "I didn't know how to..." innocence he has played on many a day.

Sophieelmer · 12/09/2014 14:49

DeWee! That is soo my eldest. I actually spat my tea out reading that. Deep down I knew I wasn't the only one with a child like that. He actually smiles at me when I catch him out like 'hmm you're not as thick as I thought after all'

Original poster

Kmum31 · 12/09/2014 14:53

He really did not know how to cross his legs, as when i asked him to do it either sat on one leg with other leg straight or bend the in the same direction but once I showed him how to do it and he did it he was so proud of himself and sakd he will no longer cry at school because now he knows how to cross his legs. It really hurt to see him do upset and about something that could so easily be resolved.

OP posts:

DeWee · 12/09/2014 15:01

Kmum31 Ds would have done that too for me. He can act the "I can't do it" very well-he's certainly fooled teachers before and I've had to tell them that he has bbeen fine doing it earlier.

My dd's otoh would have looked at the others round them to see how they did it, and would have worked out well enough for themselves.

tethersend · 12/09/2014 15:10

I don't think making a child who has been at school for less than two weeks sit in the corner is justifiable whatever he's done, TBH.

Original poster

Kmum31 · 12/09/2014 15:30

DeWee he is a really happy child and seeing him so distressed got me really angry as I do really think he did not know how to cross his legs. He is a new to this school and none of his friends from nursery went with him and to be presented to other classmates as a naughty child is really hurtfull.

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IsItMeOr · 12/09/2014 16:18

But Kmum, none of his peers will remember this next week.

Honestly, I think this is about you getting really angry about something that is outside your control.

If you want to find out what happened, politely and calmly ask the teacher.

Remember this is just the start of a year-long relationship with that teacher, and a longer relationship with the school. And that they are entrusted to do their best to care for your DS while also helping him to learn some stuff.

A lot of reception year is about getting them used to following adult instructions quickly and calmly. I think they will be quite firm on this from the start, to avoid any ambiguity or confusion if they tried to get firm on it later.

tethersend · 12/09/2014 16:25

I'm sorry, but humiliating a child by making them sit in the corner in their first weeks at school is at best ineffective, and at worst harmful. Kmum, given your level of concern, I don't think that this will have harmed him in any way- but this sort of punishment can have a very negative effect on children who are from less stable backgrounds.

I agree that you don't want to go in all guns blazing, but I don't think you should let it go either. Speaking to the teacher about how she is going to support him to sit with the others at carpet time (either through showing him how to sit cross legged or modelling appropriate behaviour) without causing him distress is perfectly acceptable.

Trollsworth · 12/09/2014 16:30

Do not go in with guns blazing. Ds1 once came out of school sobbing that he had "gone straight to onetwothree because I needed the toilet"

Of course, I was furious! To punish a child for merely going to the toilet! TO MAKE MY BOY CRY!!!!???

I went in DEMANDING to know why they had felt it necessary .... Yeah.

Apparently he'd wandered out of the class without asking or telling anyone, and locked himself in the disabled toilet. They discovered him after a school wide search, 20 minutes later, playing with the taps and floating things in the sink ... Which is not what he told me ....

IsItMeOr · 12/09/2014 16:38

Trollsworth

IsItMeOr · 12/09/2014 16:40

tethersend I am sure you are right about humiliating being wrong.

I can also imagine it can get a little fraught these first few weeks in reception, when many of the children are really struggling with the transition.

OP - have you checked the school's discipline policy (usually on their website)?

SingSongSlummy · 12/09/2014 16:43

Also what you might call 'very lively' is quite often what others would call 'unable to behave/unboundaried'.

BackforGood · 12/09/2014 16:45

tethersend - I doubt very much he was humiliated and made to sit in a corner. You have to find out the other version of the story if it's eating away at you OP, but - as others have pointed out - it's very likely you've got a version that has been 'interpreted' by your ds.

tethersend · 12/09/2014 16:46

If they are 'unable to behave', there are a thousand ways to teach them how to behave which don't involve separating them from their peers and sitting them in the corner.

Original poster

Kmum31 · 12/09/2014 16:46

It is a Catholic school and they are quite strict with discipline but they also should be a little understanding and when the teacher told me that if he will not listen again he will spend more time sitting in the corner sounded really wrong. I think they expecting too much from children who are only 4 or maybe am I too sensitive? Just want to add it's my first and only child.

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IsItMeOr · 12/09/2014 16:50

Well, I don't think their expectations are wrong - they need to be firm with their boundaries, and not listening is a biggie.

But I'm not sure the discipline methods sound very modern. DS's school does time outs and lots of positive reinforcement.

Problem you have is that you are unlikely to change that quickly if it is the school policy.

BuggeredIfIKnowChuck · 12/09/2014 16:50

Talking to your son about how to behave in class and practicing how to sit still will be much more effective than just tackling the teacher.

Original poster

Kmum31 · 12/09/2014 16:54

BackforGood he really was crying in the corner because I went in to get him. He was lying on the floor and crying:(

OP posts:

tethersend · 12/09/2014 16:56

"when the teacher told me that if he will not listen again he will spend more time sitting in the corner sounded really wrong"

It sounded wrong because it is wrong.

It just doesn't work. If humiliating children who have only ever been to school for two weeks is part of the school policy, I'd be very concerned. There are many schools that have exemplary behaviour which don't use such strategies.

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