Playground Bullying by Parents

[cary]

I bought a new book which came out this weekend called Playground Mafia by Sarah Tucker, and thought it would interest some of you. It is all about the bullying that goes on in the playground between parents. It highlights those dreadful people who would do anything to get the best for their child. This really does exist in our society and its frightening to think what some people actually do to get what they want. It would be interesting to hear how many of you had suffered from this, or even from someone who has cheated and bullied to get their child into a certain school or something, and why they think it's justified.

my DS is Sn soi don't very often getto mix with the other mums and am quite glad really. on the few occasions i have waited patiently in the playground not one person comes and tries tomake contact and i over hear the most distrubing conversations.

im hapy to just collect and run i think

There's another book called queen bees and wanna be's mums and dads which cover this subject too quite an eye opener.

what kind of bullying goes on, Cary? can't say hav witnessed anything at dd's school, but suppose it is early days...

see this thread

I sometimes wonder if I live in some kind of parallel universe- I've never seen anything remotely like this, or playground cliques, and I have a ds who has been right through primary and a dd of 8. Weird.

Jools had a great comment and I think it describes me (and possibly you too Tamum)

hang on a tic

Ooh, let's see

" I tend not to see things - i just chat to friends and don't really notice anything else going on..... I have bluebirds circling my head."

Joolstoo

Hmm- maybe I am a bit like that but I do interact with lots of other parents, and their friends, as opposed to a small circle and I've never heard anyone describe anything like this in RL. Or my work colleagues who have school age children.

I like the bluebirds image though

just read that thread - how hideous! actually, come to think of it there is a bit of a witches' coven in our playground but I'm not bothered too often... Just got to develop a thick skin, anyway, to misquote Oscar - "There's only one thing worse than being talked about, that's not being talked about." Scary thread though - is the OPoster a regular here?

no, i think its you stirring angela.

chill out AC.

At the first school my children went to there was a group of mothers who would get there extremely early to chat to the headteacher at the gate. The headteacher was not the most professsional person, and was quite happy to have a good gossip with these women.

Once school had started for the day, these women could still be seen chatting on the village green after the rest of the parents had walked home, got in their cars and driven to work or the shops or wherever.

They would also turn up half an hour early before school finished to continue their chatting.

humphreys cushion, at the school my ds is at, there is a group of mums who are there early to have a good chat and are still stood at the gate half an hour after school turns out, i know this bec ause i went to the park after school.

It's been good to read all your comments, some people have not experienced anything like this and that is good, for their sake. I unfortunately have come across it because my son is mildly autistic. Having a special needs child, in some peoples mind, makes you automatically inferior and therefore a target for nasty remarks exclusion, it seems.

This and the other thread are making me paranoid... are school gates actually worse than the playground? What is the problem of chatting with other mums? I'm shy and I preffer not to, but why should it be a problem if some others become friends? I would say that's great!

I guess I would be scratching my head about this all night long.

Obviously this thread has moved a lot since I started reading...

Chandra, it was what they were chatting about that was unpleasant. Discussing other children with the headteacher, getting gossip about other families and merrily passing the information on.

As my DS2 had severe behavioural problems at the time, he was one of the topics of conversation more often than not.

There were also some vicious and unkind rumours made up too, most of which became more vicious and unkind as they passed from person to person.

There is no problem at all with people making friends. But I did have a problem with nasty gossiping for the sake of it - and about children too. Not good!

They were not a welcoming group of friendly mothers having a chat.

They were a bunch of unkind, bitchy gossips.

In my sons school the playground clique is very funny and I am well aware of being at the centre of being spoken about.

I usually come in suited and booted as I need to get to work and usally get a full-on turn round and look up and down by the clique...who woithout exception are all exceedingly overweight and in tracksuits. I do greet this with a cheery good morning and smile sweetly!

I then stand by the door and wait for it to open...ist in the queue maybe but also sheltered from wind & rain!

I also do help out a lot at the school, I built their websiste for example, I leave work early and do reading in class...(1 of only 2 parents to do so).

..I think the attitude on the other thread more so on this one is about feeling threatened and its nothing more than palyground jealously!

The playground clique at dd1' sschool is disintegrating, I know some of it is to do with bullying by the kids and also someone's drunk husband propositioned his wife's best friend. It's quite good as the same clique used to be at pre-school and it was really unpleasant, but it's nothing like as bad at school.

Our headmaster is (allegedly) working his way through the mums...

Sometimes the mothers are worse then the kids...
school playgrounds are full of the below groups....
A. The we have children in verious years and have know each other from reception group.
(you have NO chance of cracking this one)

B The mothers from the good end of the town group

C The council estate mothers group
(please note the groups B and C will never be seen together)

D The we got up early and have our full make up on and our shoes, belts and bags match and out hair is perfect group
(this group feel that if they speak to ANYONE outside of the group they will shoot up their own bottoms)

E The gossips
(This group will be at the school 20 minuets early morning and afternoon so as to talk about everyone in the above groups)

F The school run daddies
(not so much a group as the odd bloke dotted here and there, best not to talk to them as you leave yourself wide open to the attacks of group E)

G The in and outers
(this group arrive as the bell has gone and half run half drag their children in to the playground b4 running off again and still being late for work, and will be the last parent their to pick up the last child stood with the teacher in the same manner)

Not looking good is it, BUT if you are very very lucky you will find that all too small group, group H. A small and somewhat over look group of people who will say good morning, chat about last nights T.V, the fact the class teacher looks about 12, can you believe the price of good school shoes, and how about a coffee.

Whilst I have had the odd run-in on the playground, and can remember the feel of dread walking up to school because of a specific problem at one point, in my and my friends' experience, most mums (and dads) are ordinary people, taking and fetching their children, and most chat to each other - be it the occasional smile and hello or full-length conversations (and yes, the odd bit of gossip here and there). Some great friendships have been made too which have lasted long after the children move on to their next school.

This thread has been really interesting for me. I have a ds in year 1, so am a relative "novice" at playground etiquette.

I have, however, noticed that there are several mums at ds's school, who are really "cliquey", and will only talk to the people they know,i.e. who have been there since the beginning of reception, and preferably already have older siblings at the school.

As welive in an area which i expanding in terms of new houses, we often have new pupils arriving at the school. If I see new people, I try to make an effort to go and have a chat with them, as I think it must be quite intimidating for them to turn up not knowing anyone, and be ignored by a large number of the other mums. This has usually been very much appreciated by the new mums. In fact, one of them, whose ds started in the middle of the summer term this year said to me the other day that it was only myself and a couple of the other mums who had been friendly to her, and everyone else had pretty much ignored her. But I'm sure some ofthe "cliquey" mums will think I am an interfering busybody because I will try to talk to anyone (including the "cliquey" mums, but Ilike to be friendly to everyone, not just selectively)>

Omg, I am sorry girls i have been pmsl at these threads. Do people not have enough friends? Why would anyone care about other mums at the school gate, I have def got more important things to be doing and wouldnt bother my arse who was talking about me.
R people really so shallow? Whats wrong with dropping child at school and then leaving? Cant believe people would actually care about this.

Lou