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Playground Bullying by Parents

42 replies

cary · 23/09/2006 11:23

I bought a new book which came out this weekend called Playground Mafia by Sarah Tucker, and thought it would interest some of you. It is all about the bullying that goes on in the playground between parents. It highlights those dreadful people who would do anything to get the best for their child. This really does exist in our society and its frightening to think what some people actually do to get what they want. It would be interesting to hear how many of you had suffered from this, or even from someone who has cheated and bullied to get their child into a certain school or something, and why they think it's justified.

OP posts:
SoMuchToBits · 23/09/2006 22:39

I think some people care because either they are the sort of people who don't want to offend/upset anyone else or are a bit sensitive about being talked about, or because they don't see many people during the day, and the other parents are one of their main social contacts. This can be particularly true if you have only just moved into an area and don't know many other people locally. One of the mums in our year at school has only been here just over a year. She is Indian, they moved straight from India, and although her husbandgoes out to work and speaks reasonable English, she is at home (hasjust had second baby) and doen't speak very good English. Hoever, she is lovely, and tries to spek a bit, although obviously a bit shy, and always smiles. It is a real shame that most of the other mums ignore her. Probably they feel it is too much trouble to have a conversation with someone who is too "different" from them.

So, yes not everyone is bothered about what other parents think of them, but for some people it is a big part of their lives.

nearlythree · 23/09/2006 22:42

I used to care when dd1 started pre-school, but I don't any more. I think having more children has made me more confident.

TenaLady · 23/09/2006 22:50

Careful Kimi, your suggestions of the stereo type mums in the playground may get you in trouble. They dont exist and you mustnt notice them or discuss this with anyone else, not even if they start the conversation.

FGS do not even try to help anyone you might see squeezing into any of the mentioned categories. Leave them so that they become isolated. Be very careful.

kimi · 23/09/2006 23:22

Only have my sons school to go by, but oh my word thats how it is.

I dont bother with most of the people there as apart from the fact we have children at the same school most of us have little in common.

If im working then im suited and booted if im not its jeans .
I chat to a few people, tv, price of school trips etc and i walk along with with one of the school run daddies (our sons do tennis club together), so that gives the gossips something to talk about, as their sad little lives need something in it.
DS1 has sn and like humphreyscushion i have herd people gossip about him, did take one mother to turn over it and after explaining that if she had something to say about my child she should say it to me and not her coven of harpies unless she wanted her little friends to see her get the slapping of a lifetime she was strangely quite after that .
I also agree about the ones who spend 30 minuets standing on the corner to gosship, i think everyone is afride to be the first to go as they will be the one talked about next .
I dont know why people get so upset about the school gates tbh as these people mean VERY little in the grand scale of life, i have a great family and wonderful friends, and a life that has lots in it, the school run is a nessesery evil.

Saturn74 · 23/09/2006 23:35

kimi, I'm impressed by you taking on the gossipy mums! I wish I'd had the nerve to do that - I imagined it often though!

kimi · 23/09/2006 23:55

I take no prisoners when it comes to my family im afraid.

suzywong · 24/09/2006 00:37

if ONLY there was gossip at our school gates, it's so banal and bland!
I stand chatting for ages after the bell has gone, mainly cos ds and his little mates are playing in the yard. I LONG for gossip

Twiglett · 24/09/2006 08:09

OK at our school gates there are different groups of friends .. but really nobody minds if you flit from one to the other (at least I'm not aware of people minding) and I'm conscious of people smiling and saying hello to people they don't normally chat to. It is certainly in my view a benign place rathe than a scary or threatening one

but isn't it rather like a party? particularly a student party

you stand around in groups with the people you know and happily leave to chat to other groups where there are people you know .... everyone around you are people you acknowledge and smile at but it is difficult to strike up a conversation with a total stranger unless you find something to chat about or you establish eye contact and smile

why are people assuming there is malicious intent

people on the whole tend to be nice and pleasant I've found

SecondhandRose · 24/09/2006 08:17

We have just left a private primary school one of the main reasons for leaving was the other 'bullying' mothers. I have mentioned this before but they ran a PTA that only the very rich and beautiful were allowed to join (that is what if felt like), I asked for 6 years and the excuses were jokes like you can't join as there is only allowed to be a certain number there and it is a very small room. Meetings were not advertised and 'watching' parents were not allowed and there was no AGM.

kittywits · 24/09/2006 08:28

My kid's playground is nice. I do talk to lots of different groups beacause I have children in different classes. I hate being part of a fixed group, there are some parents like that, but I think it says alot about their own sad insecurities and lack of self esteem. I have always got someone to talk to which is nice and lots of different sorts too

littlerach · 24/09/2006 08:30

I've never come across this kind of problem at dd1's school.
I like being able to chat to dd1's friends' parents and other mums that I recognise. I've really never felt that there were cliques at all.
We have a real mix of parents at school, some who shoot off to wrok, others, probably like me, whi have younger ones and so need to hang around for 15 mins after the bell has rung to wait for the pre school to open. And I even speak to the Head occasionally.

Twiglett · 24/09/2006 08:44

our head appears to be slightly intimidated by parents .. at least he is always keen to give exactly the right impression

so when I turned the corner and saw him having a sneaky fag about 3 roads away from school at about 10am I nearly wet my pants

Medulla · 24/09/2006 09:07

at this thread. So unaware that this goes on. My DD is 3 and is due to start school next September, I had no idea that the bullying could be done by the parents! Still it's good to be forewarned

Twiglett · 24/09/2006 09:08

Medulla .. It really DOESN'T at our school

Medulla · 24/09/2006 09:09

That's it then DD is coming to your school

kittywits · 24/09/2006 09:16

Kimi, I really recognise your description, it's so true. I'm rather proud that I flit between all these groups, they all have different things to offer. When I was heavily preg with my last dd had had so many different people from so many different groups discussing the preg with me, it was lvely and I was really chuffed that I hadn't been labled by anyone as being part of a group that they couldn't talk to.

SpaceCadet · 24/09/2006 12:50

before i moved in may, the school mums at ds's previous school were lovely, i knew loads of people because id been taking my children to the school for 12 years.

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