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Primary education

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Original poster

Am I being unreasinable to ban sleepovers till after ds' 11+

32 replies

StillWishihadabs · 20/08/2014 19:43

As I said on another thread ds is taking the 11+ in September, he really needs to be doing a reasonable amount of work 5 days a week. Everytime he has a sleepover he stays up half the night on screens and he knackered and bad tempered the next day. He has been asked for sleepover next week (so 21/2 weeks before the exam) AIBU to say no and to explain the reason to the parents ?

OP posts:

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Sparklingbrook · 20/08/2014 19:46

I think you are being unreasonable TBH, he can catch up on his sleep in 2 1/2 weeks and if you can't have a sleepover in the school holidays that's a bit sad-it's the best time.

MumTryingHerBest · 20/08/2014 19:55

StillWishihadabs he really needs to be doing a reasonable amount of work 5 days a week. so if he is work free on the sleep over day and the following day (so he can catch up on sleep), they can be the two days he wouldn't have worked.

Original poster

StillWishihadabs · 20/08/2014 19:59

Yes I think I need to make that a condition of going.

OP posts:

rollonthesummer · 20/08/2014 21:41

Unreasonable, I think. You also run the risk of pissing him off so much that he isn't inclined to work for you!

DD has her 11+ next month and has a sleepover this week and next. It's still the holidays and you can sit him down and say, 'ok, if you do x y z before you go, then you can go....'

She won't be having any sleepovers in the first three weeks of term though so she gets plenty of sleep, then it's back to normal :)

AdoraBell · 20/08/2014 21:47

Week before YANBU. Month before YAB a bit U and could make him rebel and just not put in the effort on test day.

TobyLerone · 20/08/2014 21:49

If he has to work that hard to try to pass the 11+, won't he struggle if he gets into grammar?

MumTryingHerBest · 20/08/2014 22:07

TobyLerone If he has to work that hard to try to pass the 11+, won't he struggle if he gets into grammar? As per other threads, it depends on the area they are in. Some areas have super selectives, some areas test only on Maths and VR, some areas test on English comprehension, Creative writing, Maths, NVR & VR. In the case of the latter do you think 1 hour a day, 5 days a week in 2 & 1/2 weeks leading up to the exam is unreasonable given that you have no idea how much preperation they have done prior to this?

Sparklingbrook · 20/08/2014 22:18

No grammar schools round here, I am quite glad-sounds stressful.

MinimalistMommi · 21/08/2014 07:20

I don't think you are at all!!! Getting really tired from a sleepover can affect a child for a few days after the event.

Sparklingbrook · 21/08/2014 07:56

Bu MM this is 2 1/2 weeks.

VanillaHoney · 21/08/2014 08:40

I think this close to the exam it is not a bad thing to take the pressure off. There is not that much one can do in 2+1/2 weeks. A sleep over may be a good opportunity for some time away from the 11+ it is not unheard of that DC break down in the middle of the paper and start sobbing. State of mind is very important.

Perhaps you could convince him to work hard until the sleepover so he can have a few days break and enjoy himself.

DD1 had to work hard to pass the 11+ (we DIY). And yes she is coping just fine. Now starting GCSE years and "predicted" good grades. She hasn't worked that hard to be honest..

LeBearPolar · 21/08/2014 10:10

Ban a sleepover 2 1/2 weeks before the exam?

Why would you?

rollonthesummer · 21/08/2014 10:47

There is not that much one can do in 2+1/2 weeks

I wouldn't have done very well in my finals if I hadn't worked in the last 2.5 weeks!! ;)

BringMeSunshine2014 · 21/08/2014 10:54

It does seem a bit extreme to refuse one sleepover this far out.

I'd definitely let him go, but I would tell him now that it's the last one until after the 11+

Then you need to manage his work load around that, if you bank on the day after being a write off, then it's easily doable surely.

thereturnofshoesy · 21/08/2014 10:55

he is only young
let him have fun

MinimalistMommi · 21/08/2014 11:21

I know what my DD is like when she's been on a sleep over with little sleep, she's grumpy for about three days later so I just wouldn't want to risk it. I'd arrange a sleep over directly after 11 + as a celebration of all the hard work!

LeBearPolar · 21/08/2014 16:02

Well, I can see why - if it does take your child an inordinately long time to recover from a sleepover (DS, on the other hand, needs a shower, some fruit and veg, an early night the next night and he's good to go) - you wouldn't want to risk it in, say, the week before the exam but I don't get why the poor kid can't go 2 1/2 weeks beforehand.

Taffeta · 21/08/2014 16:58

YANBU. I have done the same, not just for DS but for DD as well, same rule for both. I've said they can both have them at Christmas instead. They are doing plenty of other stuff instead during the day, and both have friends over during the days a lot.

It's not like it's just a night that's affected with a sleepover, here it can be a good 3-4 days. And although my DS is max doing 50 minutes work a day ( and not every day ), 4 days out would make him very unhappy.

Do what feels right.

Taffeta · 21/08/2014 16:59

To clarify, it would be 4 days out, as when he is tired and crabby it is hell on earth for everyone getting the work done. So not worth it.

MinimalistMommi · 21/08/2014 17:09

I'm glad it's just not my daughter that's takes ages to get over a sleepover Taffeta. Totally agree with what you say, my DD takes it next year but at that point she would be doing revision once a day to keep confident/on top of it so I would want four days this close being affected either.

LeBear I don't think it's the end of the world that a child misses out on one sleepover for goodness sake! it's hardly deprivation to deny your child one sleepover in the grand scheme of things.

aubreye · 21/08/2014 17:16

DS1 is taking the 11+ in September. He's still going to sleepovers and does about six papers a week and is getting in the 90+% area. It's fine for him to have one sleepover.

LeBearPolar · 21/08/2014 17:18

It's not, but it's hardly the end of the world to let them go on it either in the grand scheme of things. Sometimes a bit of perspective is needed.

ashtrayheart · 21/08/2014 17:23

Yes yabu poor boy.

MinimalistMommi · 21/08/2014 17:31

Fingers crossed for OP that the children there wash their hands properly when they're dipping into food over the course of the evening and none of the children come down with tummy ache/sickness or sickness.

roguedad · 24/08/2014 08:37

We routinely ban sleepovers in the run up to anything important. A good 11+ can change your child's life. He can catch up with his mates later IMHO. Do not underestimate how much other parents with kids competing for places are focused on this exam. Our son is below par for half a week following a typical gig so despite his enjoyment of them we have learnt to confine them to non-critical times. Last couple of weeks is not the time to indulge him. Sorry!

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