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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

birthday parties where the whole class is invited

29 replies

fridayschild · 18/09/2006 17:31

DS1 has an invite to a party, I think all 16 children are invited. It's in a church hall

Is it really too too cheeky for words to phone up and say yes, and can DS2 come as well? I think it might be but if there are other littles there I will regret not bringing the chap

I'm unlikely to get a chance to ask innocently at the school gate, as I work full time and drop off is always a bit of a rush. Views, oh experienced ones?

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laneydaye · 18/09/2006 17:33

did it once and never again... 32 5/6yr olds....
to top it off most of the parents wanted to leave..........nightmare.

iota · 18/09/2006 17:33

I wouldn't - and if I as the party-giver I would thik it cheeky to ask, but probably feel obliged to say yes

Gobbledigook · 18/09/2006 17:35

Agree with iota - I don't think it's 'on' to ask. Not unless the host is your best friend! My closest friends have done this (and actually because they were having a personal crisis at the same time) and that was no problem whatsoever. I wouldn't be happy if anyone else did it - you budget and plan and decide how many you can invite so it's not fair to just ask to bring another. Particularly as the host may find it hard to say 'no'.

tamum · 18/09/2006 17:38

I have to say no, too. They may be completely anal and have bought the right number of place settings for the number of kids going (hats, napkins, that kind of stuff) and have the right number of party bags, so I don't think it's fair really. Some older children would mind their younger siblings coming, too

laneydaye · 18/09/2006 17:39

out of 32 kids i would say that only 10-12 parents stayed........ i lost one girl.. her cousin came to get her and she was hiding under the table, after 5 mins of me calmly calling her name down the mic she came out........nightmare...xx

moondog · 18/09/2006 17:39

I wouldn't ask unless a good friend either,and would be irritated if someone I didn't know well tried to fob another of their kids off onto me.
Gawd help me-I'm having one of these soon,but as there are only 15 in dd's class and the place I have booked does it all,shouldn't be too bad.

tamum · 18/09/2006 17:42

laneydaye, most parents leave their children at parties by primary level IME so I think you did well having 10-12 staying! 32 kids doesn't sound much fun though...

WigWamBam · 18/09/2006 17:45

I don't think it's on to ask, either. The party is for the children the birthday child knows, not their siblings. They would probably feel obliged to say yes, whether they wanted to or not, and if they've planned the party around a particular number (food, party bags etc) it will put their plans out.

Someone did this to me at dd's birthday party - I already had 26 of them, and one child's mother brought the girl's twin sister all dolled up and left her there. I smiled sweetly and said yes - it's very hard to disappoint a 5-year-old who's been told she's coming to a party - but I was really pissed off at being taken advantage of by someone I'd never even met before.

Saturn74 · 18/09/2006 17:45

Maybe if you phoned up and offered to help out at the party, and mentioned that DS2 would be coming along with you. The party-givers might be pleased for the offer of an extra pair of adult hands, and one more child makes no odds when there are quite a few others going.

Original poster

fridayschild · 18/09/2006 17:47

hostess feel obliged to say yes, good point, DS2 can stay home

thanks for your help through the soical minefield of starting school, one and all

OP posts:

Spidermama · 18/09/2006 17:47

I would be annoyed. Parties are planned with the right number of chairs and plates and bits of food, party bags etc. It's irritating when people try to get what amounts to a bit of freed, quality childcare at the expense of the already overstretched host.

Also it's up to the party boy/girl. They don't want a load of toddlers crashing their do.

Saturn74 · 18/09/2006 17:56

I wouldn't be at all annoyed if you were also offering to help out.

I don't think one extra child is a big deal; they won't eat much, and I always made up a few extra party bags 'for emergencies' when my children had big parties anyway.

My children wouldn't have bothered about a few extra children, especially when they were only 4 or 5 years old themselves.

They'd be far too busy sliding across the village hall floor on their knees to check the guestlist!

clobug1 · 18/09/2006 18:00

have had this happen and was a bit disappointed that younger ones spent most of their time trashing the games, however if it is the kind of party where there is a bouncy castle and it's a big hall they may be expecting you to stay in which case they may also be expecting people to bring along siblings as not everyone will have the option of leaving them at home.

DominiConnor · 18/09/2006 18:09

Our parties are structured so that siblings can come if they want, but by "structured" of course I mean there is no structure at all.
We seem to be in a tiny minority having parties at home though, and some events we got to are set up so an extra child, especially of the wrong age would be a pain.

We have a mix of ages because I come from a big family so toddlers aren't much of an issue.
But if it were a "class party" any child outside the group might well not be very welcomed. Kids can be very clannish, so part of the problem may be that DS2 gets a bit sad about that.
At a recent party we had a friend of an invited child come along as a "surprise". We didn't care, but she did sit in the corner upset for most of the afternoon.

At several parties I've been to recently, now that the kids are 5/6 I'd guess 20% of parents wander off for shopping etc.
It is as some say "free childcare", so I suspect that comes down to whether you think the favour will be repaid.

If I knew the parents, I might ask, but phrase it off-hand as in "are people bringing younger siblings ?"

WigWamBam · 18/09/2006 18:09

There's not much point in asking the birthday child who they want to invite to the party if they're then going to end up with other children there that they don't know, haven't invited, and don't want there. We decided on an upper number based on what we could afford, if I'd been able to afford to cater for extra children I would have asked dd to invite more of her own friends, not children she didn't know. Plus when it's a class party, all the children know each other and the "gatecrasher" is the only strange child there - which can be awkward for the child.

It did put me out when I had an extra child turn up - partly because I hadn't catered for an extra one (and yes we managed; the food does go further if you need it to, although the party bags were a bit of a problem; each childs had been made up differently just for them) but mainly because I felt I'd been walked all over and taken advantage of so that the parents could have a child-free afternoon while I worked my socks off to entertain them. And yes, I'd have been working my socks off anyway - but I was seriously pissed off at their presumption that they had the right to expect me to provide free child-care for their other child as well.

WideWebWitch · 18/09/2006 18:27

I think it's cheeky too unless v close friend.

sunnydelight · 18/09/2006 19:27

Yes, it is too cheeky for words - sorry

Clary · 19/09/2006 00:11

I think it's cheeky. It's happened to me of course and, of course, I said yes (like WWB, it was a child I had never even met before). Equally I have asked friends with younger child to bring the little one as well - maybe the day before or even on the day. But you shouldn't ask.
Think about party bags/food/games. I did a big party for DD in the summer and catered for the 29 children we expected and got - name labels, plates and cups, etc etc. (I see others have said this too! So I'm anal, then, tamum? )
Why "regret" it? It's not a party for him. Why not leave ds1 (who I assume is 4+) and do something fun with DS2?
I love it if people invite all my 3 to a party, but certainly don't expect it.
Dominicconnor, 20% leave their 5-6 yos? Gosh I haven't been allowed to stay with DD since she was 4.5. Nobody stays round this way unless they have come a long way to the party or have a 2/3yo at the do!

twinsetandpearls · 19/09/2006 00:18

I am doing a party next week where all the class are coming - have ended up with 36 kids, one or two mums have asked if brothers or sisters can come, but they do know me quite well and know that I am quite relaxed about that sort of thing. Goes without saying though that only invited kids get pary bags although can stretch to a few sweets, bit of cake and a balloon.

If you know the parents you could ask, not as cheeky if you are stopping I suppose

twinsetandpearls · 19/09/2006 00:20

Sometimes if partents turn up with an older sibling I invite them to stay as they can help!

DominiConnor · 19/09/2006 07:55

It's interesting how these things vary Clary.
I've not been to one party where the parents were expected to leave.

Twiglett · 19/09/2006 07:57

I wouldn't mind .. if it was a church hall I'd probably expect little brothers and sisters

but I'm obviously strange

jenkel · 19/09/2006 08:17

My dd is only 4 so I wouldnt be happy to leave her on her own at a party. But, if at all possible I would leave her younger sibling at home. The only reason that I may have to take her is if the party was during the week and I dh wasnt home to look after the little one. But in a few cases like that I've spoken to the parents and explained the situation and strongly pointed out that I dont expect food or party bags for the little one. And the parents seem fine. But when it was my dd's party it surprised me how many brought siblings without checking with me first.

tamum · 19/09/2006 08:32

Clary, I was taking the mickey out of myself, honest Same here about parents leaving- most were going by the last year of nursery, and by the time ds started school it was unheard of for parents to stay unless they had a very clingy child (me, for example).

Clary · 19/09/2006 10:26

tamum that's fine . I know I am anal (just call me Monica lol).
DC I'm surprised at that. How old are the children you are staying with? If we had had 30 mums/dads at DD's party it would have been a bit of a nightmare tbh (well, make that more of a nightmare lol)

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