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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

I don't think I have ever been so upset coming out of the school

49 replies

Itsjustmeagain · 14/07/2014 17:03

I had 2 things to do at dcs school today , first take my 3 year old dd to reception for an induction and then go to a meeting about ds moving into juniors.

My dd weed everywhere which has been a major issue at nursery . Then my at the junior meeting it realised how much my. Ds was struggling - he already gets loads of extra help because he is so far behind but it just hit home seeing what other children will be doing.

He is going into year 3 and is currently only on level 4 reading books which is the same as my younger dd in reception. He has had a lot of assessments and gets loads of one to one sessions a special teacher comes in from outside the school etc but so far he still had a lot of catching up to do.

He was really upset when he found out his new class because he's not with any of his friends but I found out today that they set the classes ( there are 4 classes I think ) and he's in the bottom one whereas his friend isn't. So basically he is in the bottom class and still having one to one support because he can't even manage that. Obviously on real life I have been saying to everyone how proud of his progress I am and I tell him everyday just to try his best - but having it laid out bare like that I just felt like crying.

To top it all off on the way out a classmate of my older dd (who is 9) walked up to me and said "do you know everyone in the school thinks your dd( she used her name!) is really weird".

By this point I had been in the school less than an hour and i walked home with tears in my eyes trying to to cry in front of the children.

I really feel like gathering the children around and running away from the world.

What would you do about any of these thingS?

I feel like I need to tell someone how miserable I feel without being judged!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

SpearmintLino · 14/07/2014 17:10

I'm sorry to hear you've had a miserable day . I just want you to know that things WILL get better (for you and your DCs).

Remember, too, that a 9 year old's flippant comment doesn't count for much.

Have the school given you advice in how to support your son at home?

HowYaLikeThemApples · 14/07/2014 17:10

Oh you poor thing, that sounds really upsetting. I've had parents evenings where I've come away feeling much the same. Just wanted to say you're not alone.

Thumbwitch · 14/07/2014 17:17

WHat's with the humphy face, Spearmint? That's a bit bloody unkind!

Itsjust - so sorry to hear of your horrible day, all of it coming at once as well. I hope that your DS is getting all the help he needs, it does sound like they're doing at least something for him.
Ignore the 9yo - what a horrible thing for them to have come and said to you, how very rude.
And your DD will no doubt improve with her wee control.

(((hugs))) - it will get better.

iklboo · 14/07/2014 17:22

Think that's a mis-chosen face not a deliberate humph. On your phone you don't need to type the word in brackets - we just choose the picture. The humph one really does look like a sad face.

Thumbwitch · 14/07/2014 17:23

Oh really? Sorry, I didn't know that. I didn't see how anyone could have mistyped hmm for sad.
Sorry.

LOLeater · 14/07/2014 17:25

What a horrible day :( but don't feel that you can't go into school again or show your face. Your DCs need you to be tough enough to support them. And children have different needs at different times too - the 9 year old who was so rude clearly needs manners!
I wonder if over the summer you could get to grips with a couple of things to help your DCs? Ask the teachers if there are one or two practical ways you can make progress. One step at a time OP and don't be sad. They are little and there is time to learn.

NickiFury · 14/07/2014 17:25

If you're using the app it's very easy as you just press a face rather than typing it out.

iklboo · 14/07/2014 17:27

I've put faces in the middle of words before now because they're so close to the top line of the keyboard on my phone. Looks like I'm surprised halfway through a word!

ButEmilylovedhim · 14/07/2014 17:30

I too would be very upset. And would be having a good ole cry. Then texting DH to bring a takeaway and a lot of wine home. I would cry more on him, fall asleep in front of the tv, be put to bed and then feel better and more optimistic tomorrow.

That 9 year old! What a nasty thing to say. I never said anything to a grown up I didn't know well never mind something insulting. She'll get a nasty shock one day when she grows up if she says things like that to the wrong person.

Sending you a hug (((()))) and

SpearmintLino · 14/07/2014 17:47

This is a sad face, surely?

101066 · 14/07/2014 17:49

Sorry to hear of your day. I am also quite sensitive to comments about my children, so I understand where you are coming from. You may be doing this already but you could think about 1 or 2 things your children really like doing and are good at. and invest some time in that over the holidays as well. So that they feel confident about something they CAN do.

SpearmintLino · 14/07/2014 17:51

Thank you iklboo for being understanding. I was trying to be kind, obviously, not 'bloody unkind' as suggested by the witch. I'm on an iPhone, and thought it was a sad face (because it looks like one).

Thumbwitch · 14/07/2014 17:52

Look, I've apologised. I don't use the app, so I didn't know that you used pics. It's a hmm face, not a sad face, so there's no need to be snippy after the apology.

Original poster

Itsjustmeagain · 14/07/2014 17:59

Thanks for the replies I think I'm calming down a bit now!

Spearmint- he gets a lot if extra homework and reading books from the teacher that comes in to see him, the school have been great i just hate that even with all that help he isn't the same as the others.

Thumbwitch- I know ! I didn't even say anythingto the girl I Was just so shocked - although really it's probably just as well not to confront a 9 year old in a school corridor

LOL- I have a pack of extra homework for ds for the summer and we have a few other things for them to do. With dd she doesn't have a problem using the toilet at home , she's fine it's just the moment she steps into a nursery or school!!

OP posts:

RabbitSaysWoof · 14/07/2014 18:02

Thats really fucking rude for a 9 year old, she should know better. I'm annoyed on your behalf.
If there was a tissue icon I would pass you one but theres not so have this instead

Iggly · 14/07/2014 18:04

No Spearmint that is an eye brow raising sceptical face!n

Sad face =
Eyebrow raising =

Fairyfellowsmasterstroke · 14/07/2014 18:07

OP - Have the school ever offered you 1 to 1 help/meetings to discuss DS's progress. When a child needs such intense help I would have expected a school to be liaising closely with parents.

Also, the summer holidays are here so why not use them as an intensive reading time to help DS. If you did 1 on 1 reading for 2x20 minutes session a day coupled with helping DS by asking him to help with writing shopping lists, reading labels in the supermarket, giving him a small budget to plan his own shopping etc etc, then you should see a remarkable transformation.

DS may dread lessons if he feels that he is struggling - I suggest that you use these coming weeks to work intensely with him (it can be made into a fun activity) to build his confidence and abilities.

hmc · 14/07/2014 18:08

Personally I would report that 9 year olds comment to the Head, and am confident that the Head would address it (we are a small school though so perhaps that helps)

BalloonSlayer · 14/07/2014 18:10

What a crap day.

What would you do about any of these things? you ask...

My dd weed everywhere She's 3. They wet themselves. None of my 3 DCs were toilet trained until well after 3, so she's doing better than them. They all get there in the end. I think you can file that one under "worry about this in a couple of months."

a classmate of my older dd (who is 9) walked up to me and said "do you know everyone in the school thinks your dd( she used her name!) is really weird" Oh-kay, that's a horrible thing to happen, but d'you know what? It's a much more horrible thing to do. And what's more, it's a really WEIRD thing to do. To go up to someone's mother and say something like that? Who does something like that?Ugh! So having established that this child is ahem not very nice at. all. - is your DD happy at school? Does she have friends? If the answer to those questions is yes, I wouldn't worry. In any case, my take on this is that you may have had an encounter with the class bully. It might be worth having a word with your DD's teacher, saying what has been said and finding out whether your DD is being picked on.

DS's progress. It sounds like you are doing all the right things. You could perhaps push for an assessment, to see if dyslexia is at the route of this. There are all kinds of strategies that work (eg coloured glasses and so on) that you could try.

Hope you feel better soon. FWIW you and your DCs sound lovely.

Badvoc2 · 14/07/2014 18:10

Op.
I'm so sorry you are upset.
Ime schools are pretty dire are helping kids with sen :(
So..you may need to accept if you want to help him you will have to do it yourself.
I recommend bear necessities by sound foundations to teach your son to read. It sounds like he must have large gaps in his phonic knowledge. This will help immensely.
Also, check our engaging eyes.co.uk. Lots of kids Roth reading issues actually have tracking and convergence issues.
Good luck x

BalloonSlayer · 14/07/2014 18:11

< wince > "at the root" I should have said.

Badvoc2 · 14/07/2014 18:12

Yes, the 9 year old sounds vile. Forget it.
Wrt your dd...if she is 3 then I am not surprised she is still wetting.
My ds2 was not dry til he was 3.4.

Original poster

Itsjustmeagain · 14/07/2014 18:13

Fairy- yes we do go in to the school and have regular meetings he has an iep which we go in to talk about each term.

We do a lot of reading at home and I have some things planned (I went crazy on pintrest!) It just doesn't seem to stick for him a lot of the time though .

OP posts:

Badvoc2 · 14/07/2014 18:13

...and if it makes you feel any better...my ds1 was on level 4 books on year 3.
I used engaging eyes and sound foundations books and he got a level 5 in reading in his recent sats :)
Don't despair.
But don't trust the school to help your son, either.

WallyBantersJunkBox · 14/07/2014 18:15

You have the summer holidays to make a plan. Have a drink tonight and try to put it all behind you and make some positive plans.

My DS had a wee problem, everyday he'd come home in some other kids massive trousers and my heart would sink.

We tried every trick in the book - weeing every hour, sitting not standing, drinking to train the bladder, rewards. Then he casually mentioned it hurt to wee. After 3 scans it turns out the wall of his bladder was thickened due to infection. He's on a six month course of medication.

Your DS sounds like he is trying his hardest, and kids develop at different stages. Sounds like the school is providing extra support. Have you tried Reading Eggs at home? Might be worth signing up for a summer rainy day activity? DS doesn't think it's extra homework which is great!

But the girl in school - rude little tyke.

The sad face emoticon is between the red face and the envy green heart. They are v v tiny.

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