I don't think I have ever been so upset coming out of the school

[Itsjustmeagain]

I had 2 things to do at dcs school today , first take my 3 year old dd to reception for an induction and then go to a meeting about ds moving into juniors.

My dd weed everywhere which has been a major issue at nursery . Then my at the junior meeting it realised how much my. Ds was struggling - he already gets loads of extra help because he is so far behind but it just hit home seeing what other children will be doing.

He is going into year 3 and is currently only on level 4 reading books which is the same as my younger dd in reception. He has had a lot of assessments and gets loads of one to one sessions a special teacher comes in from outside the school etc but so far he still had a lot of catching up to do.

He was really upset when he found out his new class because he's not with any of his friends but I found out today that they set the classes ( there are 4 classes I think ) and he's in the bottom one whereas his friend isn't. So basically he is in the bottom class and still having one to one support because he can't even manage that. Obviously on real life I have been saying to everyone how proud of his progress I am and I tell him everyday just to try his best - but having it laid out bare like that I just felt like crying.

To top it all off on the way out a classmate of my older dd (who is 9) walked up to me and said "do you know everyone in the school thinks your dd( she used her name!) is really weird".

By this point I had been in the school less than an hour and i walked home with tears in my eyes trying to to cry in front of the children.

I really feel like gathering the children around and running away from the world.

What would you do about any of these thingS?

I feel like I need to tell someone how miserable I feel without being judged!

Balloon - he has had assessments for dyslexia and pretty much everything else they could think of! But they just couldn't find anything actually wrong with him!

The school are actually really great we moved here a year ago in his old school they ignored my concerns but after just three days(!) at this school the teacher spoke to me to tell me she was concerned as he couldn't read or write at all at that point and they started special help and assessments virtually the first week !

...and yet it hasn't worked?
So what's their next plan?

Don't forget you saw today the work the class he'll be going into will be doing in 12 months- an eternity at that age.
That nasty little girl was lucky you didn't take your upset out on her by frog marching her to the head. Little brat.

I don't know the school seem happy that he has started to read a little - before they started he was basically unable to read at all whereas I suppose he can read simply words now. Perhaps I'm just expecting too much?

I would second Badvoc's advice about Bear necessities. It's probably the first thing I would try with a child with significant issues with reading.

I wouldn't do intensive work with him for 20mins at a time. You'll get about 5 mins really good quality work, another 5 mins of OK and the last 10 mins won't really be worth it and you'l both wish you hadn't done it. I'd do 10 mins or 15mins max.

Yes...15 min MAX.
Quality not quantity.
In many ways it's not schools fault...they haven't got the resources or the staff to offer specialised targeted 1-1 interventions.

I was going to suggest similar to Fairyfellows - when I was a 6th former I volunteered at my old junior school to do reading with children that were struggling (I mean I listened to them). There was one boy who improved every term and regressed every holiday, just because his mum had loads of children and, apparently, no time to listen to him.

But now I have DCs I know also they play up for me at home (when we do 'work') where they won't at pre-school. Maybe my voice betrays my keenness for them to do well, and so puts too much pressure on them. So if this is similar for you, see if you can get an older teenager you know to sit with him to hear him read or do worksheets. I gave the boy I mentioned ages to get words he was stuck on... say 10-15 secs. Only after that would I try to help. Most of the time he did work them out... maybe it was just him but I reckon this helped with his feeling of achievement, and therefore perhaps urged him on.

The 9 year old... well she's just nasty. My mate, a reception teacher, said to me recently that the most you can do for your children is to make them feel secure. She said children that know themselves and aren't trying to be something they're not, just turn off bullies because nothing really touches them.

If you haven't seen it already on social media, there's an article about how emphasising effort over cleverness is the way to motivate - it makes children not worry overmuch about failing at something, so they try harder.

Try not to cry; I hope things improve x

Your DS is same age as my GS. At Christmas he was on IEP on level 2, by Easter with lots of help he was on level 5, he is currently on level 9. He must have just been ready and we also did lots with him. Hopefully you DS will get there soon. We found fun games were good, playing snap with flash cards, reading games on the computer, lots of rewards. Good luck.

Oh I wish I could have hugged you....I'm so sorry you got made to feel like that!!

Your DD will be fine, she will be dry at some point, my DD was the same before starting school. She occasional still does it because she's lazy & forgetful but I found communication with the teachers really helped.

You DC going up to juniors may really bring it from being separated from friend.

You sound like your doing a great job, there plenty of parents don't turn up at appointments at school let alone actually care what the school may think.

I really hope you feel better about it all today

I would report what the 9 year old did to your DD's teacher. They need to know about behaviour like that, it could be part of a bigger bullying picture that the school needs to address.

Balloonslayer - great post

You sound like a wonderful loving mum. Ofcourse you would find that upsetting, you are sensitive to your kids feelings.

Sometimes when it rains it pours! You walked into a thunderstorm.

Oh how awful!

Listen, it may be that he's not getting the reading thing - DS1 didn't all through school, got a D at GCSE for most things, well G for music (G who gets a flaming G), but thrived as soon as he left school. He's 31 now and has a great well paid white collar job. I feel like emailing certain 'lovely' teachers who were so awful to him to say 'See, not bad eh'.

Or it could be it will all just 'click' one day and there'll be no stopping him.
Don't upset yourself - I used to dread parents anything as the reports were so awful about DS1 and 2, more than once coming home in tears at the teachers attitude, but it all worked out ok . I always felt like they looked down at us as we were a single parent family and I was just a kid myself. A couple of the teachers were genuinely lovely and I was very grateful for them. The boys thrived in those classes too.

The little 'darling' with the big attitude and big mouth sounds a peach! I'd be looking into that as like others have said, sounds like some bullying going on.

Here's a to cheer you up.

Please report the 9 year old. She'd be dealt with by our school for sure.
If she'd march up to an adult and mouth off like that, what's she saying to your poor dd?

Do you know what program the teacher who comes in from outside of school is using with him?

Kesstrel I am not sure, they have lots of "probes" where he reads similar but slightly different words as fast as he can and he gets extra biff and kipper books plus this like using wooden letters to put the letters of the alphabet in order. She comes in from a local special needs school once a week and the teachers at his school help him for a set amount each day with she sets.

How old is DS?

My dd is 6 1/2 and is at a school where she won't be taught to read until January.

I'm not really worried about her 'catching up' when the time comes.

As long as he can read by the end of primary it's fine.

weatherall he is nearly 8 (he is one of the oldest in the year). I dont think it helps that my older dd is really good with reading etc. Apparently she had a level 4b (?!) this year in year 4 which I am told is fine and my younger dd in reception is also learning to read really well so its a contrast with ds who has struggled with every step!.

I'm so sorry you are having such a bad day, it's really hard when things hit us all at once like that.

Please know that things will get better, and probably not as bad as you perceive them at this very moment.

You sound like a lovely, caring mum who is doing the best she can. That counts for a lot you know, your children are lucky to have you

I can definitely help with a programme which will solve the problem before the start of next term.
There are no costs - none whatsoever. This is not an advertising gimmick.
Just email me at [email protected]

Yes. Don't wait for school input however good they are. Teach him this hols. Eddie Carron is regular on a forum I go on (small world). I'd take him up on the offer.

I sympathise OP.
My dd was really behind at primary school.
I used to dread parents evenings .
However, I worked at home with my dd and refused to give up.
She is now in year 7 and is doing really well.
Just continue to work with your ds, don't panic and DONT rely on the school.