Controversial? Don't think parents should work/volunteer in their dcs' class...

[Nerf]

Have often thought this in passing, mainly due to my dm teaching me as a child and her being super strict.
Now mine are all at school this has come up a lot:

X's mum is a TA in ds' class. X and ds don't get on but my ds says anytime he 'tells on x' the mum takes her child's side.

Me being told about the the dinner ladies and what they have to do for my son at lunch. By a dinner lady at a social event unrelated to school and in hearing of others.

Me being told chattily about my son and his lunch habits.

Dinner ladies unable (seemingly) to be fair when their children are involved in incidents.

One helper taking my dd to one side as she came out of school to tell her off for her meanness to her dd. Has done this to other children.

They are just examples i know rather than guessing. But I think volunteering/ working is fine, just not in the same class or playground as your child....

Nerf

Dinner Ladies/ TAs are paid employees of schools and not volunteers.

I don't know all the ins and outs of your situation but it does seem that a paid employee of your child's school has crossed the line and chosen to approach you at a public social gathering (a party) about your child.

Now maybe this was well meant (you'd have to think through the spirit of the conversation) - but if you feel that this individual is 'overstepping' the boundaries than the obvious thing to do is complain about their behaviour to the HT. If you have witnesses to the behavior all the better.

I was locked into a playground by a less than helpful member of staff who thought it would be funny (the gates have a key pad and you have to enter a code - which only staff would know). Unfortunately, it meant several parents couldn't get in to collect their children either, including the after school club. They all complained and the person concerned has had an official warning. It was exceedingly childish behaviour and was not the first time this individual had been outright petty toward me and my children. I actually didn't complain but headed home. I was asked to verify it had happened the next morning at drop off.

I was asked why I hadn't raised this and I just said it was behaviour I felt was typical of the 'Christian ethos' at St. Mediocre and I just presumed it was your member of staff demonstrating how good Christians behave toward each other.

In my OP I did say paid/ volunteer - basically I think parents of children at school A should not generally be allowed to work/volunteer in close proximity to their child. So, TA or reading mum etc in a different class, yes. Regular helper in their child's class, no.
All three of my boys regularly chat about how the dinner ladies take their own kids' sides - I first heard this in the back of my car when little ds was moaning about telling someone's mum and middle ds was very matter of fact about how dinner ladies always sided with their own kids/kids' friends r
Etc

At our school you can volunteer in your own class for school trips or if they need extra help rethreading endless needles for an afternoon of sewing etc. For more regular volunteers for reading etc you aren't in your own children's class but some other parent will be so by volunteering you are collectively helping the children to learn. There are enough volunteers so that all the infant classes are covered and no tricky situations with your own child or their friends/enemies! It works well for our school.

One off trips etc - no problems

I don't think it healthy either.

Detachment issues I think!

I remember my mum being a needle rethreader, head of kids doing cooking, helping with reading etc when needed in my class. As we went up the school it became less frequent, only a couple of times a year really by the end; but she was a beloved visitor to our class. Out of the thirty four of use there were only about six kids who didn't instantly hug her and happily do whatever she wanted. If anything mum was harder on me than the other kids, she certainly didn't show any favouritism towards me!
I found out years later that the two years of primary school where we had none of our own mums to help was due to the teachers in question saying they couldn't help out with their dc's classes. It meant we had no parents to read to for the year, except one or two mums that we didn't know and then felt very strange reading to.
I think that some mums probably do take it too far, but I also think knowing the kids in question is probably a great help. One of my best friend's mums clocked that I was reading books well below my ability without having even hearing me read and made me swap it out and tested me. That was because she knew me (and I hadn't read to the teacher in quite a while!).
I hope to help out in my kids class, and I think when it's casual out of the classroom helping there is no need for parents not to be in their kids' classes!

I wish any, ANY, parent would help out in mine. If any parent offered I would fall upon them with joy. And they would be utterly surrounded by all the kids. I get nothing. They dump the kids off and leave, and only come into school to moan. Just a signature in a journal would be nice, actually. Or actually turn up for parents evening.

I am a regular helper in my child's class in many different capacities. I am fortunate enough to have two weekdays off work a week and so I give one day to the school and have one for myself. I have very occasionally worked with my own child (generally on a craft activity or some other fun stuff, as part of a group) but mostly I work with other children in small groups or individually (reading and maths).

I can assure you that I am absolutely not doing it in order to get some kind of inside info or a quick route to the teacher's ear, because I am not interested in the inside info and am perfectly capable of talking to the teacher myself if necessary. I am doing it because I am well aware that teachers are busy and stressed and if I can help tidy up or change books or even help a child to understand something important in maths, then I am contributing to the whole school. I like the school. I know that they try really hard to do their absolute best for every child and that sometimes they are stretched too thinly. I am also doing it because I was fortunate enough to have a good education which I made the most of and would like to pass some of it on. Many children at my daughter's school do not get any help from their parents who were not blessed with the same opportunities as I was, and I help the children in her class in exactly the same capacity as I help my DD when I hear her read or talk about maths concepts with her (which includes keeping it entirely private, apart from talking to the class teacher about it). Hopefully I am redressing a sad imbalance a little. High quality input from someone who cares is really very lacking for a lot of children. Some of those children just like talking to me. That's OK, too. Some of them don't often have a friendly conversation with any adult. I know they appreciate it - as phlebasconsidered says, I tend to be mobbed the minute I get into the classroom. Which is lovely. A cuddle from any small child who is pleased to see you is a delightful thing.

In addition, it is really nice to get to know children who are outside my daughter's friendship group but who she is spending every weekday with in term time.

Our school takes parent volunteers in their child's class and only that class. It is part of building a wider community. I have genuine relationships with the children I work with and I hope they continue. These children are people I am likely to see in the street in five years and ten years and more. They are part of my child's peer group. It is a very positive thing that I have been lucky enough to actually get to know them well as people.

When parent volunteers use volunteering in their child's class as a conduit to something entirely different, it's a problem with those parents, not with being able to do that per se.

I don't have time to read the thread but I can assure you that as a primary school dinner lady I NEVER have to deal with either of my DC's school years. I wouldn't want to & I'm very glad the HT is totally against it.