Tell me honestly - how bad is it not to go to parents evenings??

[TwistedMelon]

DS parents evening is coming up. He's in Y6 at a very small primary (under 60 children, only 2 class teachers).

Parents evening is always a total PITA. They do it so the appointments start straight after school at 3.15 and run til 5.30. I can't collect DS every night, he often walks home, so I always miss the sensible times and all that's left is 5.10 or another time that's totally unworkable with smaller children to look after.

Last 2 times I've booked an appointment I have been kept waiting in the playground for well over 30 minutes. The last time it was in fact 45 minutes at which point the mum who was 2 appointments ahead of me was called in, so it would have been ages before I was called! About a week after that I was asked to see the head to be shown 'some very important information about DS progress' so I duly went in to see the head only to be shown a graph comparing DS to the national average and was told he was doing very well

That was 12 months ago and I've not bothered with parents evening since. The school is small enough that I know the teachers would collar me if there was a real problem. I know from helping DS at home how he's doing academically and have no concerns at all on that front. DS asks me to go in sometimes before or after school to see work he's especially chuffed with so its not like I don't pay any attention or see any of his schoolwork. I don't really feel the need to see any graphs about how he measures up to the national average so don't really think that a 1-1 chat with his teacher is going to do much for anyone. But today I said in passing that I wasn't going to go and got a whole bunch of faces from the parents who heard, and one "but its SATs year!" as though that makes a difference...?

So... how bad is it, really? Does this mean the school think I don't care about the DC's education?

It also shows your child that you are disinterested.
Is it too much of a faff for him?

Like Zingally, in both schools I have worked at recently, there has been an expectation that I speak to every parent, whether or not they attend parents' evening.

in some cases that has literally involved me taking a pile of books and my feedback sheet out into the playgrouynd or carpark and speaking to a parent there (school with high rate of illiteracy amongst parents, who often had very negative or no experience of schiool themselves).

More often, it involves finding a slot on another evening, or a phone call at a lunchtime or after school on another day - all of which I am happy to do for parents who find it tricky to come into school (though I am slightly less tolerant of those who say 'oh, I couldn't really be bothered' and then take up my entire lunch break talking on the telephone).

However, I anyway make a large number of phone calls / arrange a large number of parent meetings within or after school hours, and my door is always open before and after school - parent engagement with schol is vital, parents' evening merely a formalised, but not the only, way to organise it.

Our school chases up non-attenders because Ofsted has picked up that parents don't go and the school is attempting to boost the percentage who do go.

This is the first year I haven't been. I frequently (weekly/fortnightly) speak to my sons teacher about his progress because of his special needs so I don't see the point in taking up more of her time when she could spend that time with another parents she has less contact with.

I would like to think the staff would contact the parents if there were any concerns.

I do think that parents evening should be less formal. More of an 'open evening' where you can go into school and view your children's work at any point during the evening and if required pre-book an appointment with their teacher. That way, those parents who just want to have a quick look at the work their child has been doing can and those that wish to make an appointment and a chat with the teacher can also be seen.

As it is we have strict time slots and you can only view your child's work when its passed to you by their teacher during your meeting which often means you really don't get a look at their work at all.

I don't think you are unreasonable to not go to parents evening.

It's only once or twice a year. Can you really not make the effort or disrupt your routine for those occasions? Schools have to make the effort to "communicate " with parents even if it is only to tell you that there are no problems. If you don't go or rearrange for another time it makes you look dis- interested. Ofsted ask parents if communications are good and if they keep you informed about your child's progress. What can you say if you don't go? And its not always the schools fault they overrun - thank the parents who don't get that they have overstayed their slot and won't shift!.

My Dc have 2 parents evenings per year, one which you need an appointment and the other an open parents evening so you can look at the Dc's work and speak to the teacher if you wish.

I have in the past missed a parents evening for my DS (didn't book an appointment) but I attended the other, in all honesty this is more for my Dc, so they know I am taking an interest in their hard work.

Open parents evenings tend to be the best option for me TBH, There is no waiting, the targets for my Dc are written clearly in their books inc their current levels. There are also many comments in my Dc's books to give a rough idea of what they are doing well/struggling with.

You can speak to the CT at any time (convenient to both the CT and yourself) by booking an appointment, and if there were any issues I should imagine the school would of communicated this with you way before the parents evening.....Schools communication shouldn't just be pinned on a couple of parents evenings per year, it should be ongoing.

Why don't you suggest an open parents evening to the HT? maybe there would be other parents who would find that more suitable too.