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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Tell me honestly - how bad is it not to go to parents evenings??

57 replies

TwistedMelon · 01/04/2014 14:52

DS parents evening is coming up. He's in Y6 at a very small primary (under 60 children, only 2 class teachers).

Parents evening is always a total PITA. They do it so the appointments start straight after school at 3.15 and run til 5.30. I can't collect DS every night, he often walks home, so I always miss the sensible times and all that's left is 5.10 or another time that's totally unworkable with smaller children to look after.

Last 2 times I've booked an appointment I have been kept waiting in the playground for well over 30 minutes. The last time it was in fact 45 minutes at which point the mum who was 2 appointments ahead of me was called in, so it would have been ages before I was called! About a week after that I was asked to see the head to be shown 'some very important information about DS progress' so I duly went in to see the head only to be shown a graph comparing DS to the national average and was told he was doing very well

That was 12 months ago and I've not bothered with parents evening since. The school is small enough that I know the teachers would collar me if there was a real problem. I know from helping DS at home how he's doing academically and have no concerns at all on that front. DS asks me to go in sometimes before or after school to see work he's especially chuffed with so its not like I don't pay any attention or see any of his schoolwork. I don't really feel the need to see any graphs about how he measures up to the national average so don't really think that a 1-1 chat with his teacher is going to do much for anyone. But today I said in passing that I wasn't going to go and got a whole bunch of faces from the parents who heard, and one "but its SATs year!" as though that makes a difference...?

So... how bad is it, really? Does this mean the school think I don't care about the DC's education?

OP posts:

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Dahlen · 01/04/2014 16:51

And then you have schools like MrsDeVere's

Morgause · 01/04/2014 16:52

I can't understand why you wouldn't want to go. It shows your DCs you are interested and care about how they are getting on at school.

MrsDeVere · 01/04/2014 16:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

crazykat · 01/04/2014 17:01

I usually go to all of them. However this year I've been given 5.15 and 5.20 which is tea time for us and I don't have anyone to watch the DCs and I'm not dragging four hungry kids back up to school to be told they're doing fine. Plus dd had a new teacher who won't be able to tell me much apart from the fact she's doing well.

I told the teachers I couldn't make it and asked if there were any problems. They're usually pretty good at my DCs school and speak to parents when needed and don't leave any issues until parents evening.

I make every effort to get to parents evening, especially reception/year 1 when they're adjusting to school. But if I can't get there I can't. I do ask the teachers if there are any problems and speak to them when I have any problems.

MrsDeVere · 01/04/2014 17:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JonSnowKnowsNothing · 01/04/2014 17:19

I love it when parents don't want to see me! (As long as their child is happy and making good progress, obviously.)

proudmama72 · 01/04/2014 17:21

I love your user name. Brilliant.

sorry not related to thread

Heifer · 01/04/2014 17:58

this thread makes me realise how lucky we are with DDs school.
We always have 2 options, Tue 3.30-5.30 or Thu 6.00-8.00 so can usually pick a time suitable. We are asked to pick 2 slots and the school does it's best to fit 1 of them.. Usually only running 5-10 mins late if that.

amelia71 · 01/04/2014 19:25

Spider7: Many teachers (including myself) do not need encouragement to stick to appointment times or to be organised. I have found myself actually ushering parents out of the door (in the politest way possible) because some parents have just kept talking about matters which have no relevance to their child's education. It is also affects the timings when a few parents turn up late for appointments (through no fault of their own) and have to be slotted into the timetable.

Original poster

TwistedMelon · 01/04/2014 20:48

tiggytape if the parents evenings at secondary are the same pointless shambles then tbh I probably won't go to more than one of them a year either!

OP posts:

ChocolateWombat · 01/04/2014 22:24

I would always go. I always have lots of things I want to ask about and have to write a list in my diary so I don't forget them.
I find that having questions to ask makes the evening more useful. I ask things about their targets, their progress in certain areas, their level of effort, their friendships and social engagement, specific areas to work on....
I'm very interested in my sons education. I try not to be a pest, in terms of asking to see the teacher outside of parents evenings/through the contact book, but see parents evening as my chance to legitimately ask all my questions.
Sometimes I have also used the opportunity to speak to the Head, about things like trends in SATs, extra curricular provision etc.

I try hard not to be a nuisance, but find I can gather lots of really useful info at a parents evening.

To those who find them not useful, if you have a couple of questions, I think it helps.

ChocolateWombat · 01/04/2014 22:26

Oh and by the way, I don't go so I seem like an interested parent. Tbh, I don't care very much if they think I am interested, overly interested or whatever.
I am keen to know how my son is doing......surely people don't just go, so they are seen to attend.

RussianBlu · 02/04/2014 00:13

Teacher will most likely be relieved that she has 1 less parent to try and squeeze into her already silly timetable and long night ahead. She will probably be relieved that she will have an extra 10 mins to play with and she will need it because at least 5 parents will think they have the right to a 20 min (minimum) slot with the teacher and ask the teacher to repeat and then summarise each point she has just made and then try to think of random questions to ask, even when the teacher looks at the clock and says 'oh goodness, I am running 20 minutes late now'. she will be especially grateful when she is on her almost last slot of the evening with a parent who wants over half an hour and doesn't care that other people are waiting and the school needs to lock up!!!!!

proudmama72 · 02/04/2014 11:27

ChocolateWombat - I think some people do care how their child is doing, but the quality of the information exchange is not very detailed.

I almost get a sense they are trying to squeeze parents out and use parents night as - see we did it. We have great parental engagement.

At my daughters school its a farce.

northlondoncat · 14/05/2014 00:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pointythings · 14/05/2014 08:43

I always go, but both schools make it easy by offering evening slots on at least one day. The primary always runs beautifully to time and you can get through a lot in 10 minutes - we have always come away with concrete information about things we can do at home to support DD2, for example.

The secondary ones are a battlefield, but it's only once a year and it was worth it to find out that DD1 is meeting the impossible 'aspirational' targets the computer set for her, she's really flying this year.

PastSellByDate · 14/05/2014 16:05

Hi Twisted:

I don't know - but from what I can work out it seems that you have long waits (45 minutes +) and you have child care issues.

My advice is as this is 'the last parents meeting' - and you probably will find out his SATs scores (if in June) - then it probably is worth going along.

However, if this is genuinely an ongoing problem - why not contact the school and ask for it to be at a more convenient time for you (before school? another day?)

In terms of other kids in tow - I always bring my DDs along but also colouring books and have them sit at another table. It's taken a few years for DDs to appreciate that I want to talk to the teacher to be honest - but DD2 now does sit quietly and doesn't wander about or interrupt.

mumofthemonsters808 · 14/05/2014 16:35

Brace yourself for secondary school parent's evening because they are bedlam. They make primary school parent's evenings look well organised. I missed a lot of my slots for my year 7 DD parent's evening,the teachers had packed up and gone home when I eventually got to them, my earlier appointments were that behind, the appointment schedule went out of the window.

I don't think it will be a major problem if you do not go, even if you do not want to go into school for a meeting with the teacher on another day, you can always ask her to call you. It does seem a strange time of the year to even be having a parents evening. I don't think the SATS results are out until July, so I'm puzzled regarding what information they want to discuss with you.

It is awkward when you have other children, me and OH usually take turns at attending, but it is still a pain, the dog goes out late, little one has to be taken out of bed so that OH can pick me up. The only saving grace is that it is not often.

PastSellByDate · 15/05/2014 10:39

Hi Twisted:

Mumofthemonsters808 is correct - it seems schools aren't notified of KS2 SATs results until Tues 8 July: education.gov.uk/sta/keystage2/a00213562/key-dates

So if your parent/ teacher meeting is before this date, then no the teacher won't be in a position to let you know SATs results, although they can tell you their teacher assessment of your child at end KS2.

StarDustInTheWind · 16/05/2014 15:58

no issues, no concerns... no need to go...

We were actually told this by our DDs' primary school one year....

You should have seen the bosom hoiking and heard the indignant huffing in the playground when that letter came home.......

I always saw it that if there were "issues" someone would speak to me, or I could speak to them... since we were "lucky" to have intelligent kids who behaved well.

zingally · 17/05/2014 15:16

I'm a teacher... And parents who don't attend... Do get something of a "disinterested" label.

I do everything I can to keep things to a tight time schedule, but sometimes inevitably run over. And if your child isn't worth that extra time you have to wait...? It doesn't reflect well on you... That's all.

Hulababy · 17/05/2014 15:20

Non attendees are chased up at my school. The HT insists the teachers chase it up and make alternative appointments. If that doesn't work the HT chases it up.

spanieleyes · 17/05/2014 17:59

Same at mine, no-one ever gets away with not being seen! I've seen parents at 7 in the morning if that was the only time they could come in ( as I'm already in work by then!) and at one time, during the school disco!!
OUr office manager is very persuasive!

StarDustInTheWind · 18/05/2014 07:52

We stopped going when the school said we didn't have to unless there were issues we wanted to discuss...

but also after waiting (Y2) 35 min on top of our time to be told, "everything is great, progress is ahead of what is expected, polite, hard-working and socially fine too... excellent year".

It took under 2 minutes and the thing is we KNEW that was what her teacher would say (even if he had not been running late), but still we turned up, still we waited... It is not that "my child was not worth the extra wait" it was that the result was already known and not really worth waiting for...

I don't honestly give a stuff if the teachers thought we were disinterested in not turning up after that .... we know what efforts we put in to assisting our kids education and the kids are reaping the results of that at secondary...

claraschu · 18/05/2014 08:08

I have three children, aged 18, 16 and 12. I have been to all their parents evenings. I have never once heard anything interesting or important at a parents evening (got a few nice compliments on DC1 though, who is unusually academic and very well behaved).

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