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Primary education

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Original poster

Complaint to school

280 replies

gwenig2 · 28/02/2014 22:28

Yesterday my 10 year old was grab on the wrist in a attempt to force her from the floor to go to the headmistress office. This was a male teacher in her school. I did post on Facebook I was upset by this but did not name the school. The new headmistress TOLD me I had to remove this or she souls report to police for slander. I have removed post, but feel more angry now as they did not apologise or give any justification for the incident, which to me is assault. I have a meeting on Monday arranged after much foot stomping today. Need advice on how to handle as feel little overwhelmed and emotional.

OP posts:
donnie · 01/03/2014 19:01

Your daughter had a tantrum and completely disrupted the learning of others.She refused to leave the room when a reasonable request was made, thus further depriving the rest of the class of their teacher's attention. She was SITTING ON THE FLOOR REFUSING TO GET UP like a 2 year old - and you are angry with the school? and posting hyperbolic rantings about 'assault' on facebook? you say in your second post that 'another parent told her (the Head) about the post' - this PROVES that the school could be identified from your comment on facebook, which in turn renders you liable for slander unless you are mightily careful.

Your meeting on Monday - you will need to be careful not to 'footstamp' and bandy accusations about. The school has the right to ban you from the premises if you are deemed a threat in any way. This happened to a parent at my dd's school a while ago - the child was quite a nice kid but the mother was always complaining and making accusations and so on. The school decided to interpret one of the accusations as a threat and the police were called. Then the board of Governors banned her from the school premises which made her son's place at the school untenable.

NearTheWindymill · 01/03/2014 20:19

I'm a bit suspect about this talk of banning the OP from the school. Although I support the school; there is a concern that a teacher went over the top vis a vis restraining and has left a bruise. As far as I am aware the OP has not laid a finger on anyone but has been grumpy due to her perception of something that happened and we are all human and fallible.

For every school teacher I would like to note: "sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me".

Ahem - and all of you involved in education can have a little think about incidents of bullying that have been glossed over because it's too hard to deal with.

I recommend the Angel of Nitshill Street by Ann Fine to every teacher presently breathing Smile

pineapplehedgehog · 01/03/2014 20:30

The op was wrong to post on FB. She admits she was angry so her comments were probably not too flattering about the teacher or school. The Head then ordered her to remove it or she would report to police. It doesn't sound as if the Head had a reasonable discussion at all about the incident before issuing the threat. The op said that a meeting was arranged following 'much foot stomping' by her. This suggests that the Head wasn't going to arrange a meeting themselves and seems to have do so begrudgingly.

We obviously don't know what was posted or any previous history between the op and Head but the head clearly didn't want to risk any negative publicity, whether true or not. It is very heavy handed for a threat such as that to be made which it seems was also a spoken threat rather than an official one in writing. Nenny is a very knowledgeable poster who says that she/he would have serious concerns about a school being that heavy handed about shutting down criticism - I agree.

I have been on the receiving end of similar threats from a school and it's really not pleasant. In my case I hadn't made my concerns public nor advised any third party so they had no right to issue such threats other than in an attempt to keep me quiet. Their response just made me more persistent as I felt that a school that threatened parents like that clearly had something to hide. I won't get into details but will say that I was proven to be absolutely right in what I was saying and the school were covering up some illegal acts. My point is that just because the op hasn't handled this incident in the best way it doesn't mean that she is in the wrong necessarily.

tethersend · 01/03/2014 21:10

"My point is that just because the op hasn't handled this incident in the best way it doesn't mean that she is in the wrong necessarily."

I wholeheartedly agree. Schools can and do act illegally, and the OP's reactions do not mean that they haven't in this case.

Although none of us are able to say whether they have or not.

Thiscarisreversing · 01/03/2014 21:55

I'd go straight to the police but ensure you photograph the bruise with date on paper. Totally unacceptable. A teacher can only use reasonable force - which this was not.

Yes your DD has issues at the moment but the school should be supporting her. The teacher could have just walked away from her but he decided to over react

mrz · 01/03/2014 22:15

Would you still say that if your child's education was being disrupted by the OPs child's behaviour Thiscarisreversing?

NearTheWindymill · 01/03/2014 22:20

I would agree mrz. My child has been there.

AryaUnderfoot · 01/03/2014 22:24

The teacher could have just walked away from her

The teacher could have just walked away, got in his car and driven home. Given the situation, I wouldn't have blamed him in the slightest.

People wonder why there is a recruitment crisis in teaching.

mrz · 01/03/2014 22:29

Unfortunately teachers can't just walk away and leave the class because one child is behaving badly what about the other 29 children who want to learn.

AryaUnderfoot · 01/03/2014 22:39

I know that mrz - I spent 9 years in the profession.

There were many students that I would gladly have walked away from - 5 miles or more would have done it. Unfortunately, teachers often find themselves in very challenging situations with very challenging students.

The vast majority of teachers do their absolute best to minimise disruption to learning for the whole class whilst maintaining the protection and dignity of the most disruptive.

No-one who hasn't worked in education can possibly imagine how difficult that is.

NearTheWindymill · 01/03/2014 22:46

And those of us with dc in education would like to know why the teachers don't speak out and do something to safeguard the learning of the majority Angry. And you wonder why teachers have lost respect.l

MerlinFromCamelot · 01/03/2014 22:51

Although the behaviour of the child was unacceptable I think physical handling should be a last resort. A child who is sitting, lying/rolling on the floor has to get up eventually.

OP, I would suggest you take a friend to the meeting and listen to what the school have to say. My guess is that the HT will fight the corner of the member of her staff regardless of what happened. If you get a satisfactory explanation from the school then great but if not I would not hesitate to ask for the school's formal complaints procedure and take the matter further.

I work with children albeit not in a school but if I were to grab a child by the wrist I would no doubt be suspended pending an investigation.

All the best OP, hope life will get better now for you and your DD.

TheGruffalo2 · 01/03/2014 22:53

What do you mean by "speak out" NearTheWindymill?

NearTheWindymill · 01/03/2014 23:01

I mean stop supporting the culture of excuses. "They can't behave. they are deprived, from a broken home, etc.". Children came from dreadful homes when I was young but they were still expected to behave and if they didn't they were expelled. There were consequences.

If someone says, one more time, that the behaviour policy has to be differentiated, I shall write to Wilshaw and Gove.

The impact on the education of the majority due to the mismangement of the minority is incalculable. The C that could be a B; the B that could be an A; the A that could be an A*. All because there is a strata that is beyond touch. No wonder the UK struggles. Why should 27 people in a class suffer and have their achievement diluted because 3 in a class are beyond sanction and there is inadequate provision for their needs because of inclusion policies.

If they can't behave they should be out. They have been given their chance or chances severally in the current system and it is high time the impact of their behaviour needs to be considered. The majority are important too and the impact the majority might have on the retention of the safety net for those who can't rather than those who won't needs to start being considered.

Feenie · 02/03/2014 00:00

If they can't behave they should be out

And where do you suppose we put 'them'?

preemieparent56 · 02/03/2014 02:06

Facebook is great for keeping in touch with friends and family, but a lousy means of letting others know about feelings and emotions!

It turns words into weapons, and is best avoided at all costs in times of emotional stress.

bigTillyMint · 02/03/2014 07:16

The problem with "getting them out" is that there are not enough alternative provisions for children with behaviour difficulties. They need a small setting, being taught in a small group with an extremely high ratio of adults to children. This is exceptionally expensive and until those in charge realise that the "one size fits all" policy of trying to keep all children in mainstream education is not working and invest a lot of money into setting up the right kind of provisions, there will be a significant number of children who cannot cope in mainstream and act out.

mrz · 02/03/2014 07:40

MerlinFromCamelot what would you do if your child disrupted a social occassion - family wedding/Christening/party or a trip to the cinema/restaurant etc would you just allow them to keep spoiling it for others?

OneInEight · 02/03/2014 07:57

It's the one size fits all that causes the disruption not the differentiation.

One example:

Child (suspected ASD) refuses to do a spelling test number 8.

Option 1: (Try) and send him to headteacher as you would any other child in the class. Invokes meltdown. Reinforcements called for removing three teachers from their classroom and pupils in his class evacuated. Child then excluded for three days still not having done maths test.

Option 2: Ask child why he is refusing to do spelling test. Turns out he was absent for test number 7 so it is totally wrong (in his mind) that he should do number 8. Give child test number 7. He is happy. Rest of class is happy and minimal disruption to learning.

Sending the children 'out' as you charmingly put it is not a non-disruptive option either given that it can cost upwards of £100,000 per year (and no I haven't mistakenly added a zero) to place a child in a specialist school.

Tartanpaint · 02/03/2014 08:24

There's never any excuse for bruising and hurting a child. I'd be down the police station. Yes the child should have been removed but two members of staff should have lifted her underneath the arms

tethersend · 02/03/2014 08:27

Part of the problem is that once children are 'out' of mainstream school, it is exceptionally difficult to get back in. Many, many children would benefit from short term intervention either within school or in a specialist unit, before returning to mainstream school with the right support- however, this is rarely an option.

bigTillyMint · 02/03/2014 08:43

Ah, Tethers, I work in exactly that kind of specialist unitWink

mrz · 02/03/2014 08:59

In my area we have units which provide a short term interventions for children before they return to mainstream (usually in the same term) what we don't have is many primary schools for long term behavioural difficulties

MerlinFromCamelot · 02/03/2014 08:59

Mrz, never been in that situation really but if my DCs behaviour was as such that social occasions were difficult, I would get a sitter. Don't think a social occasion, cinema etc and school are a fair comparison.

DD1 had a lot of disruptive pupils in her class at primary, so I know how frustrating it can be.

tethersend · 02/03/2014 09:02

I wish there were more of you, bigTilly!

So many children are placed in PRUs or SEBD schools and then never return to mainstream...