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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Does anyone else get utterly paranoid about what DC's teacher thinks of them?

42 replies

Flexiblefriend · 03/02/2014 16:11

I know this is a bit daft, but every time I have to go into DD's school, I spend most of the time there worrying about what the staff think of me. Am I one of those horribly pushy parents, or do they think I am not involved enough? I feel conscious of how I interact with DD while I am there, in case they somehow think I am doing it wrong. Does anyone else get this or am I just bonkers?

I would imagine that in reality they barely register me among all the other parents they deal with, but it doesn't feel that way. Are there any other parents that feel the same, or teachers who can say if they do actually notice or care what parents are like when they see them in school?

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Panzee · 03/02/2014 16:12

Teacher here, unless you're a big meanie I don't really think anything. :)

nonicknameseemsavailable · 03/02/2014 16:21

yep I worry what the teachers might think of me and my parenting and my children. but then I worry what everyone thinks all the time and it can make life pretty miserable.

I am sure they are too busy to take any notice though.

Panzee · 03/02/2014 16:25

It's really nothing to do with busy.

littlemiss06 · 03/02/2014 16:34

I used to with my first lol but fourth kid now and I just think they take me as they find me, I'm doing ok though...I think haha :)

sittingbythepoolwithenzo · 03/02/2014 16:55

I did for a bit, but I've stopped worrying now. I am quite "involved" but try and help, rather than being a pushy mum.

RussianBlu · 03/02/2014 23:06

No, I give it very little thought.

littlebluedog12 · 03/02/2014 23:25

Never crossed my mind actually- and I am usually a worrier! Stop stressing, as long as your DC is happy it's all fine.

PastSellByDate · 04/02/2014 13:30

Hi flexiblefriend:

Generally have the impression all parents are put in the category PITA.

Only spoken to when teachers want £ or contact info/ assistance, help on field trip or with PTA event.

However, also know that parents are very judgmental about teachers - how they dress, are they any good, approachable, etc... So suspect it is a two-way street - if that's any help.

Original poster

Flexiblefriend · 04/02/2014 19:07

Thanks all, I think I need to chill out about it a bit. I've just got to work out how to go about that now! I certainly don't judge the teachers, they have seemed great so far.

OP posts:

Mumof3xx · 04/02/2014 19:12

I don't worry too much except for when the kids are late usually because the baby threw up all over me as we were about to set off or one of them was wearing the others shoes or some such

My children and clean, fed and polite. They don't cause much trouble and enjoy school. Surely that must make me an ok mum lol

stepfordwifey · 04/02/2014 19:43

These are things that drive us all mad:
Those that complain about everything and are aggressive with it.
Those that never contribute anything to school trips (we always notice)
Those that are always late dropping off and collecting causing others inconvenience
Those that keep their children out of school and then expect their children to tell lies (they always drop you in it)
Those that will never accept that sometimes it's their child causing the trouble and never support the school in tackling it
Those that never ever read with their children or support them with homework (progress is always slower)
Those that moan about communication but never read the newsletters
Those that never name uniform but expect whole school searches to find lost items.
Treat us with courtesy and talk over your concerns reasonably. Work with us to support your child and trust us to do our best. A smile and a friendly chat solves most things really easily.

HappyMummyOfOne · 04/02/2014 21:33

I would imagine teachers notice parents that are either pushy, not involved at all or think their angel can do no wrong.

Office staff likely to notice who never returns paperwork, who never pays and who are rude.

ilikenoodles · 05/02/2014 11:22

i must admit, I do worry a tiny wee bit! This morning I was standing near my ds who was at the front of the line ready to go in. His teacher, who is lovely and perfectly approachable, started talking to me and my mind went blank and I felt really nervous! how bloody stupid is that! She was only asking if I was going to have a daughter cos she's had both my sons through her class and she was just trying to be nice, she must think I'm a total prat!

cloutiedumpling · 05/02/2014 12:58

I used to worry. Now I don't. I have had an issue with one of my DCs and reckon that his teacher probably thinks I'm pushy. I don't think I'm pushy - I think I have a genuine grievance that isn't being addressed.

Crowler · 05/02/2014 13:01

I worry quite a lot about coming across as pushy. I restrain myself from asking a lot of questions that I would otherwise ask if I didn't worry about this.

Original poster

Flexiblefriend · 05/02/2014 13:38

stepford, I don't think I am guilty of any of those things, but that is quite a list! Its getting the balance between pushy, and not involved enough that stresses me out.

OP posts:

Panzee · 05/02/2014 16:32

I don't think any of the things on Stepford's list. I just concentrate on the child in my class. Unless you're a big meanie. :o Please don't stress about us. :)

HoratiaDrelincourt · 05/02/2014 16:45

Good list, stepford. I can see that those things would be infuriating.

OP, I feel exactly that anxiety, but with every single person I ever encounter, including strangers on MN. It's crippling.

teafor1 · 05/02/2014 17:09

My child can be low level disruptive, making me quite anxious about school in general. So I worry a lot about what his teacher thinks of me and my kid.

OddBoots · 05/02/2014 17:16

I worried more with ds's teachers as I was young when I had him so I felt a little out of my depth dealing with professionals while he was little, I don't worry so much now he is older.

KatieScarlett2833 · 05/02/2014 17:19

Not since I drove home a few of them after a party we were all at. Having to stop so the Dep Head could puke was a particular highlight
We are still friends now

Curlynoodles · 05/02/2014 18:14

Teacher here!

Your thread has made me laugh because I worry about what parents think of me! Maybe the teacher you are worried about is thinking the same - it's a vicious circle!! Haha

starlight1234 · 05/02/2014 18:20

I worry when I pop into school for little things...Generally DS is no problem at school...I worry they think oh not Mrs ... Again..

Original poster

Flexiblefriend · 07/02/2014 16:07

Curly, I have to admit, I do feel for teachers. It must be a thousand times worse, wondering what 30 or so sets of parents think of you, and I'm guessing in every class you get at least one or two difficult parents?

OP posts:

Curlynoodles · 07/02/2014 21:19

As a fairly young teacher I worry about parents who take a look at me and think 'what do you know?' At parents' evening one dad took one look at me and said, ' teachers get younger and younger!' I dread parents' evening and I have been teaching for 8 years now, you would think I would be used to it!!!

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