Does anyone else get utterly paranoid about what DC's teacher thinks of them?

[Flexiblefriend]

I know this is a bit daft, but every time I have to go into DD's school, I spend most of the time there worrying about what the staff think of me. Am I one of those horribly pushy parents, or do they think I am not involved enough? I feel conscious of how I interact with DD while I am there, in case they somehow think I am doing it wrong. Does anyone else get this or am I just bonkers?

I would imagine that in reality they barely register me among all the other parents they deal with, but it doesn't feel that way. Are there any other parents that feel the same, or teachers who can say if they do actually notice or care what parents are like when they see them in school?

My DS is in the bottom set for everything and behind on reading. I worry they think I don't read with him which is stupid as I fill the reading diary in.

I am very careful what and how I approach the teachers about. Basically it has ot be something I really consider worth bringing to their attention.

I am yet to have a poor opinion of a teacher. I am mostly in awe of them. Just the thought of being in a room with 30 kids would send me over the edge. I probably wouldn't make it past registration

I agree Polly, I couldn't do it. I was thinking about changing jobs a while ago, and briefly thought I could be a teacher, its just playing with children all day after all. I then went and helped in DD's class a few times. I was exhausted after 2 hours. I honestly don't know how anyone keeps 30 small children under control all day, let alone actually teach them something!

No.

I think that there might be a feeling I'm a bit of a pain in the arse. But actually, I think the problem lies with the school: if they aren't going to tell the parents anything, I don't feel I should be blamed if I then go in and ask for information first hand. They could fix the problem by improving communication.

Nope

Ds1 is on top table and will be going to grammar school in September. His teachers are constantly chastising him for poor work. He will sit the L6 spats and maths tests. He does not like studying and puts in little effort but turns it right for the tests. This infuriates his teachers. That being said, I am alarmed at how often he is being picked on.

Ds2 is not doing so well. He is in bottom sets and was functionally illiterate and innumerate. I have improved his maths to the pint that he has exceeded ds1 at the same age. With English we are still some way behind.

As I have let the head and teachers know about my concerns with both kids I can see THAT I irk them, especially ds2 teacher who always sneers and looks down on anyone who has a cogent and contrary opinion.

Many teachers do not welcome feedback, especially when home intervention has improved the child. I feel at our school that teachers prefer the status quo of parents that ask no questions.

I dread parents evening next month.

As a parent, if you are concerned as to what the teachers think of you, you are unlikely to be thought of badly! It is the parents who have absolutely no conception about unreasonable behaviour or appropriate levels of contact who are the ones that cause the most angst and are actually pushy!
It would be an unreasonable teacher indeed who would think badly of a parent with genuine concerns who approached them politely, appropriately (e.g Not corner them for a 'quick chat' as the teacher is about to start registration for the day) and with positive expectation that any issues could be solved by working together.

As a teacher I don't find the things on stepfordwifey's list that annoying.
Of course I want the children in my class to attend regularly and be on time but as a parent I can feel empathy for parents who are sometimes late or who take a break in term time for good reason.

As a teacher I think we are so much more visible than the parents. It stands to reason I suppose of course - the playground gossip over whether I was pregnant or not was pretty hard to take once (fortunately I was, but imagine if I wasn't!)

The only parents I've remembered over the years are the neglectful ones and those that have gone out of their way to be supportive.

I do notice how utterly terrified some seem at parents evening though!

The last time I saw the HT of my DS's primary school, I was in his office - he was shouting and I was sobbing. I know what he thinks of me ... and I'm not being paranoid!

Oh dear out what happened?

Hunterwellies it was a disagreement about bullying.

I wasn't thumping the table, shouting or swearing. I did say that DS felt his teacher was giving more attention to the louder, bullying children who she seemed to be closer to and that I felt this was making a pre-existing bullying situation worse.

It didn't go down at all well, as I should perhaps have anticipated. Hence, rants from HT and tears from me. I did feel a bit, well, .... bullied actually!

Well, he shouldn't have shouted. I'd be more concerned with what you think of him, in all honesty!

DS3's teacher is a close friend and has given me credit (in a staff meeting) for something she thought I helped with but was actually all her work but she had misremembered and thought it was me. I pointed this out to her, but she remains convinced that I am due the credit. So now they now think I'm far more marvellous than I actually am. Awkward, but it does mean that I don't have to worry what they think of me.

When I go to parents' evening at DS1 & DS2's secondary school, it is often the first time I'm meeting the subject teachers. I am mainly thinking one of two things:

1. You are nothing like how DS1 described you. He said you were old and humourless. You look my age and seem perfectly pleasant.

2. You look about 19. Did you start your degree when you were 15? Have you grown a beard so that people don't keep mistaking you for a sixth former?

Another teacher here.
Unless you're being rude or are very obviously having a negative effect on your DC (and it's only just become apparent), I'd be too busy thinking about other things.
Although I did have one (male) colleague who took notice of the hairy armpits and big boobs (no bra) of one parent on Parents' Evening.
We took no notice of him, either. Never did. Lol

My dd's current teacher need not worry about what I think of her. This is the second year we've had her, and I've made it known on several occasions that I think she is utterly fantastic!

I do sometimes worry about what teachers think of me, as I'm just that way inclined, but I happen to know that this one thinks I'm ok, as I always get given one of the last slots at parents' evening, and she once let slip that she deliberately puts "nice" ones at the end.