Anyone else find the school run & playground a horribly competitive place?? How to deal with it?

[icravecheese]

I was chatting to a mum last week in the playground that I don't see much as she works 4 days per week. She just upped her hours as her youngest went into yr2. Said she LOVES not doing the school walk & being in the playground every day anymore as she found it a complete nightmare with all the parents discussing reading levels / phonic groups / literacy & maths levels of their darling offspring.

It co-incided with a good mum friend of mine suddenly becoming all competitive with me (no real reason) - our kids are both in same yr2 and reception classes and she is ALWAYS managing to slip something into conversation about her brilliant offspring and what levels they're at (which is always one above mine). I'm fed up of it and beginning to think my working mum friend has a point.

I've tried to steer conversation away from school with competitive mum, but she's SAHM who regularly helps in class and doesn't really seem to have much else to chat about (NO dig at SAHMs intended). She's taken to telling me stuff about my kids that even I don't know, because she helps in their classes.

Its really p-eeing me off....does anyone else find the playground a nightmare in this respect, and how do you deal with it?

Why shouldn't i listen to reading in my childs class?
I am not a blather mouth and quite honestly do not care what level your child is on. I don't discuss it with anyone else,
I can only assume that thise who are bothered that another parent knows your childs reading book band are those who are competitive.

Out of interest Kilmuir, why would you want to listen to readers in your child's class/ yer group? I volunteer at school but ask not to be with my child's class as feel uncomfortable with that and don't want to put myself in a position where I can make comparisons. I ask not to read in year groups my children are in.

surely if you are interested in hearing children read then it doesn't matter which children? why should it have to be your child's class?

I wouldn't want to listen to my children's friends read. I am not insecure about my children's reading ability, I know they are reading way above their age expectations. I just wouldn't want to listen to children in their class reading. I wouldn't like the idea of knowing things like that about their classmates which their parents might not want me to or feel entirely comfortable with. I wouldn't be completely comfortable if other parents from their class were in there listening to my kids read either.

My dc are now 10 and 12, and reading these threads, I always feel a bit put out that I've missed out on playground angst. I lurve a little bit of direct or even vicarious argy bargy, but...nada.

I don't do school run that often as I work but I know and do mostly like all the other mothers and in fact over the years have made some really good friends and fabulous allies. And we don't have any of that working/non working divide stuff - quite often people will email me and say "ooh, did you pick up the fact that we are supposed to be doing ...whatever.." There are a couple of cough crazers, but they just leaven the mix in a mostly benign manner.

Right, next time I'm there I'm going to try and generate a bit of fuss. I'm going to stand on the climbing frame and say "Of course, DD has just been told she is going to do L6 SATS and is in the special new extension class" (she hasn't/there isn't one) and see if that generates a frisson.

'nosy parent volunteers'

I think every school is different

Our school unfortunately has a deeply weird approach to tables

Only 5-6 pupils per table

Top table has names like SHARKS or OCTAGONS or DIAMONDS

Bottom table has pejorative names like JELLY FISH or SQUARES or QUARTZ

I kid you not.

There isn't a kid in the school who isn't getting that subliminal message they're 'dim' if they're on bottom table.

However the really worrying thing is that top table is so steady. With the exception of DD1 who's moved up ranks - top table in Y6 is the same kids as in YR.

Couple that with only top table (so 5-6 pupils) get access to more challenging work - and all other tables are working at expected ability level or below....

...you can see why so many parents at our school are aware of the tables. Something is deeply wrong and that bubbles over to conversations between parents at one point or another.

PastsellByDate you exactly described my DCs primary school! I think it is fear driving this, and sheer relief when they are doing well.

But, I don't dread the playground

No I don't find it competitive with grades and results and levels etc but it is a bit of a popularity contest. I have my friends at the school gates and I tend to chat to them but if for any reason they're not there or I am there first I do feel like a loner! Also the kids all have their friends and it's obvious when yours doesn't have very close friendships. My DS has a lot of people he plays with but no close friendship unfortunately (but then he is only 5yo!)

Round here, a token millionaire, a cohort of PFBs and a couple of ring leaders have made DD2's year group rather unpleasant.

In year R & 1 there were lots of parent helpers who after they'd established the behaviour, social back ground and reading band levels stopped helping completely. Mums would check other kids bookbags at activities and playdates, etc.

Playdates and out of school activities are manipulated and the childrens friends 'chosen' to a rather unpleasant degree. DH & I are successful in our obscure fields outside this backwater so the Big Fish in a Little Pond thing does n't interest us at all and we just want our kids to be happy. For DD2 this has been hard because outside the school gate she has been pushed aside in favour of kids whose parents are more willing to kiss arse.

DD1 is fine but it's really poisoned this small town for me and we're hoping to move.

We are in a grammar area and it's not like it in PFB Y5 DSs class, at all. Never has been. Nice, normal parents.

DDs Y3 class, however, is awash with the nightmare mothers you describe. Consequently DD knows I wait by DSs door and she meets me there.

I help out at school listening to reading. But never, ever in a year that includes my children.

Most mums are normal and nice.

There is one particular competitive mum, and I delight in letting her tell me how wonderful and bright her dd is and then do not tell her which level my kids are at. Drives her mad

I live in SW London, the school is an 'outstanding' state primary school and most of the parents are middle class professionals (who have made that calculation of deciding to buy a horribly over-priced house near this great school instead of paying out for private school fees). However it's definitely seen as bad form to boast about DC in the playground. Which is great, as my DS is about average for his class and I'm happy being happy with that. I must say though, that although overt competitiveness is seen as rather embarrassing, I know that most parents are extremely ambitious for their kids. However I was quite amused when over the course of a couple of weeks my DS was chosen to be Joseph in the school nativity (by the teacher), and then elected class rep (by his peers) and all of a sudden he was the recipient of many more play-date invitations. . . . . clearly other parents had observed this 'success' and decided he was worth allying their DC with. Weird!