Need advice on DDs teacher!

[JessMcL]

DD (nearly 11) is in Year Six and has the teacher my son had when he was in the same school and same year.

A bit of background: My son is bright. I don't mean to blow the parental trumpet or anything but he is- and at the end of Year 4 he was moved up a year into Year six. The teacher hated this, and hated how bright he was. He would finish work in under 10 minutes that was designed to take 30 minutes or so and had nothing to do but read a book as the teacher wouldn't make other work for him as she wanted to teach everyone at the same time (understandable!) Anyway she resented him- never really took it out on him- but is with DD who is a lot more...sensitive.

It started at the beginning of the year. Every child were graded on their ability and put into different groups for English and Maths but the same class for the secondary subjects. DD was put in the bottom group for English because she skipped two pages (accidentally) in a test they performed in order to do this. I am by no way meaning to be malicious here- but although DD isn't "top group" material (she struggles a little) she isn't "bottom" either. She refused to let DD resit the test (which would of been easy) despite letting another child who had been "ill" when sitting the test.

DD is an early bloomer- she does already have (albeit small) breasts. During P.E. in September she was getting changed and some of the girls were commenting about them etc- and this teacher kept her back at the lunchtime and gave her a talk on how it was inappropriate to show off her body. I did, in a way, agree with this- but I didn't think it was her place to tell my DD this. I think she should of at least sent a note home to me- and she knows I pick her up everyday.

Then DD started her periods. Very, very heavy. I sent a note into the teacher explaining and that she would probably need to be excused (and reminded) to go and sort herself out ever 2 hours or so. That was fine but she was then placed at the back of the class when this teacher was teaching her (for secondary subjects) and she refused to excuse her from P.E. permanently while she was having her period because white shorts and heavy periods during the adjustment period don't mix. She assured me she wouldn't let it reach this stage. Also there was an occasion before Xmas when a dirty sanitary pad was left on the classroom floor- there are another 2/3 girls in the class (the teacher told me this herself when I was explaining to her she had started) who have started periods but DD was immediately blamed and kept in on her lunchtime

Anyway....today was P.E. and DD had a leak. One of the boys in the class pointed it out and a very embarrassed DD not only had the class laughing at her- but the teacher shouting at her "that she should take better care of these things". She did and went to the nurse for clean shorts- and then the teacher told her she would have to join in again despite being in floods of tears of embarrassment and wanting to go home. I didn't even know about this until 3.30 when I picked her up and she told me about it. She did eventually calm down but it must of been horrible for her and i've been giving her big cuddles all night. Even her moody 16 year old brother gave her some of his chocolate because he felt bad for her!

I honestly don't know what to do. I've called the head after all these occasions and although he has said "I will deal with it" the situation hasn't improved for DD. I was going to go and talk to the head straight away...but wanted DH involved as well.

Obviously I won't get her into another school for six months- but I feel so bad sending her to a school where I feel she is being victimised.

DH has said he is going to ring the office in the morning to say he will be coming in late so we can go see the head.

But I don't know what difference it will make :/ :(

Is their another class she can be moved to ?

This teacher sounds horrid I'd be reporting her behaviour/attitude to the head daily if necessary and if the head does nothing then I'd go above him .

I wouldn't put up with this no matter what the teacher says or thinks

Thanks ladies.

Its 02.45 and both me and DH are wide awake worrying about what is going to happen. It saddens me that we have had ties with the school for 12 years and this is happening. DD2 is there as well (she is six and in Year 2) and we were obviously going send DD3 there as well in the future (she is only 4 weeks old- so a while away yet)

Theres like a parent comment board on the school parental login. I nearly posted on there tonight but decided against it- not a good idea and it is a small school so wouldn't be anonymous for long.

No option of another class- as I said there are the groups for English and Maths (she fortunately has another teacher for these that she loves) but i'm worried that if she is moved groups she will be stuck with this teacher permanently. Only six/seven months excluding holidays but we are talking about a 10 year old girl who really doesn't understand anything that is going on.

No luck with head tomorrow I guess I will have to contact the governors. Would you contact OFSTED and let them know what is going on? Because surely allowing someone like that to teach in a school just isn't right.

I too thought they would have policies NatashaBee. They might well do but the teacher is choosing to ignore them when it comes to my DD.

It is resentment over my son I know it is. I should also say- he is in Year 13 now doing his A Levels (he's nearly 17 and as I said skipped a year). So it isn't like it happened last year either.

We are both just seriously, seriously worried. We are surprised DD has never refused to go to school- she really loves it which spurs her on but she knows the way she is being treated isn't right and doesn't understand what is going on with herself (she is getting there now r.e. periods)

So sorry to hear about your poor dd. teacher should be in trouble for this for sure. Sounds like she's past it to he honest. I think if it were me I'd go to the head and basically threaten him that if it isn't dealt with immediately you will go to ofsted, make public comments on parent view (which ofsted use when they do a visit) and will not let it lie. If need be, as someone suggested above, I would be in his office daily until the teacher improves. I would also write a letter to head of governing body making it clear that its a Formal complaint as these need to be declared yearly to the LA and ofsted. I bet you won't be the first person to complain about the teacher. If she's like thus with your dd I bet she's got form.

Best of luck. So sad for your dd. I was that early bloomer 35 years ago and it's tough.

I would outline in a formal letter to the HT what your concerns are and what you feel will resolve the issue. If you get no response within a week, repeat the letter to the Chair of Governors with a copy of the letter you sent to the HT. If you don't get a positive response, do the same agin to the LEA with copies of the other letters.

Sometimes talking to a HT doesn't get the urgency across. A formal letter leaves a paper trail.

That's really bad. What a disrespectful teacher!! I would definitely complain but outmost on writing keeping a copy for yourself too! Usually action had to be taken when it's in writing. Send a copy to the LEA maybe? Whoever may be able to deal with this and make the school aware your not at all happy and will do anything to make sure your DD is not treated in this way. You'd think this teacher would have more compassion and understanding about these things. You should do when your teaching children of that she who are entering puberty and need support and not embarrassment etc.

Like MM5 said. :-)
I was going to mention governors too.

If you're a SAHM with your little one you could home school for 6 months if it came to it? Lots of resources available online and lots of home ed groups around.

This is a well being issue and it appears that thus teacher is deliberately humiliating your dd.

As an aside are white shorts part of the uniform for pe ? Totally unsuitable and impractical in any case but even more so with girls this age. Can you legally refuse for your dd to participate in pe? If so I would do so stating that she has been humiliated by the teacher assisted by this impractical uniform.

You need to write in firstly to the head. Make the letter all about your dd and how she felt /feels, it's a well being issue. I would leave anything about your ds out as it should have been dealt with at the time.

Leave out about your dd being put in a lower group just state she omitted 2 pages of the test in error and wasn't allowed to rectify the oversight despite exceptions being made for another child and you want assurances that the group she is in is correct.

Ask for the anti bullying policy, sex ed policy and complaints policy.

Good luck but sadly I feel that any school that would allow a more able child go move classes and then not ensure teaching and learning was appropriate (why was he not in an iep or why was senco not involved?) is not going going to be wanting or able to resolve this.

Your poor dd .
A 10 year old who's having a period (well any age girl but worse as she's so young) should not be subjected to such cruelty from anyone let alone a teacher
She must feel absolutely humiliated, the poor thing.

I wouldn't let the school attempt to downplay it and I wouldn't pussyfoot about. Put in a formal complaint. Keep it non emotional and state all the facts clearly - each incident that you feel reflects the teachers inappropriate treatment of your child.

That teacher should be sacked if she's treating children so appallingly. no way would I want her round my child especially at such a sensitive time in her life.

Does the school have a family worker you could speak to. If not I would wait in the school office until the head becomes available for you to speak to.

I wouldn't give them a week to respond if the heads 'not around' (seriously at the beginning of term?) a day maybe....then would complain directly to the governors in writing... and say you tried to contcat head but the lack of response is part of the issue...this is horrible way to treat your dd...although I wouldn't put the stuff in about your son...he's left the school now -focus on how they are treating your dd....

The school complaints procedure should detail how long the head has to respond to a complaint. A 'day' to respond before going to the governors will just result in you being sent back to the head to ensure the procedure is implemented correctly.

Thank you to all you lovely ladies who have offered me wonderful advice.

An unexpected morning to say the least. DD refused for the first time EVER to go to school today. Me and DH were going to follow most of the earlier advice and write to the head instead of going straight in- but we got his Mum to stay at home with DD while we went in.

He left us sitting in the office for 2.5 hours. The teacher came down at 9.15 (I told his secretary that we were there to make a formal complaint about her) and obviously they were plotting behind closed doors before inviting us in for a chat.

No matter has been rectified to our satisfaction unfortunately. So it looks like we will be writing to the governors, OFSTED and the LEA- which I don't want to have to do but they aren't giving me much choice. As I said- very sad because we have had ties with the school for twelve years and never had a problem. Hell, the amount of times I have recommended the school to friends and family over the years...

I told him DD won't be attending school today but will see how she feels tomorrow and send her in tomorrow (she actually asked me at lunchtime if she could go in but i've kept her home to let the dust settle a little) but I think i'm going to have to look into home schooling her and moving DD2 to another school.

Does anyone know what the procedure would be to remove them both- and to start home schooling for DD1? Or would it realistically (as much as I don't want to) be better/easier to keep her at the school in the knowledge she will have to leave in July anyway and find a new school for DD2 to start then??

Is there a reason she can't move schools until September? Sorry if I've missed that bit

No hoppingmad. I just can't see my Year 6 DD getting a place at another proper school with only 2 terms to go- I don't think i'd have a problem getting DD2 in one (who is in Year 2) but i'm just wondering what would make the most sense.

I guess i'll contact the LEA by phone as well tomorrow when DD isn't here and talk to them about it.

Removing a child to home - ed them is very easy, I had to do it with DS1 when he was being badly bullied at a previous school. I just wrote to the school informing them I was going to home ed them. I told them they needed to inform the LA (courteous reminder to them, I didn't have to do that).
School rushed to try and sort all the previous issues I had had with them, but I told them it was too late.

What did the head say, OP?

That is absolutely shocking! Definitely escalate it by making a formal complaint to the chair of governors and LA. Your poor daughter - having to cope with periods whilst still at primary school must be so tough as it is.

Actually, in year 6, I'd take her out and home school her for the remaining 2 terms, as they will be starting to just revise for sats now and then after sats it'll just be fun stuff. Would she not be upset to miss all that though and miss her friends? Plus would it be easy for her to integrate back into high school?

Jess McL

I get that your DD feels this teacher is hard on her, hasn't given her second chances when she's made silly mistakes (the missing pages on a test incident) and joined in laughter when she 'had a leak' - but the reality is having 'a leak' is kind of one of those things that happens to people sometimes - and quite often kids being kids just laugh about it.

If she thinks it through there will have been times when she's laughed because someone has tripped, spilled, said the wrong thing, got sick on a teacher, etc... Kids do this kind of thing. It's embarrassing and dreadful to be the one being laughed at - but the point is it will blow over and next week the kids will be laughing about something/ someone else - often the teachers.

There are only 2 terms left at this school. Yes, 10 is very young to start menstruation but isn't uncommon - and will take a bit of getting used to. Puberty is awkward, painful and embarrassing.

My advice is give her support at home (and extra chocolate from her big brother is lovely) - but don't storm off because basically she had a bad day.

It's also important for her to face embarrassment and struggle on through. Because life is like that - colleagues, acquaintances, neighbours, etc... all find each others trials/ tribulations interesting and entertaining. Jane Austen made a career of it. "For what do we live, but to make sport for our neighbors and laugh at them in our turn?" Said by a very tired Mr. Bennett to his daughter Lizzie when she expressed her worries about her wild younger sister. Learning to hold your head up high and just muddle through (ye olde stiff upper lip) is important - because there will be times in our lives when we're embarrassed, upset, ashamed, etc... and coping with these mishaps is also an important life skill.

I don't underestimate that this has been very upsetting and that as a parent you wish this had been handled better - but aside from complaining that your child wasn't allowed to sit an exam again (which to be fair is also a test of reading directions and being alert to what page you're on) and that a teacher laughed at your daughter (which is kind of hard to control - what are you asking for that teachers never find situations funny? never laugh?) the governors will merely note your complaint and leave it.

If your daughter is genuinely unhappy in the school and has no friends - that's different. But frankly there are only 6 months left - if she enjoys school and has a nice group of friends, you can weather it. More importantly you need to think through how your youngest DC will feel suddenly removed from a school. How are they doing. Are they happy, etc... It sounds to me that you're generally happy with the school - just don't get on with this teacher. In all honesty - I think every parent has a teacher they don't like. If the school isn't single form, my advice would be to simply request that this teacher is never assigned to your youngest DC. You've had two children very unhappy with her, and it would perhaps be better to have your youngest placed with someone else.

In terms of complaining: What may be more productive is to explain the situation and ask that the school is more proactive in helping young girls cope with menstruation and avoid embarrassing situations such as your DDs. So building into the schedule 'comfort breaks' whereby pads/ tampons can be replaced without drawing a lot of notice (i.e. intentionally scheduling that such girls go to the loo before/after assembly, before/ after PE, before/ after lunch, etc... and ensuring it happens). Thereby turning an unfortunate incident into something positive going forward.

HTH

and that a teacher laughed at your daughter (which is kind of hard to control - what are you asking for that teachers never find situations funny? never laugh?)

I can't imagine what sort of teacher would find the OP's daughter's situation funny. It should have been dealt with the same way that it would have if any child had a bowel accident - not by laughing - but with kindness, compassion, privacy and dignity.

and that a teacher laughed at your daughter (which is kind of hard to control - what are you asking for that teachers never find situations funny? never laugh?)

Would you publicly humiliate a friend/colleague/stranger by laughing or shouting at them if they leaked/came on unexpectedly/had break through bleeding?

What kind of adult laughs at a child who who is still learning to manage her menstrual cycle and doesn't quite get it right? Not one who is fit to be in a position of having responsibility for children - at least in my opinion. The situation should have been dealt with via a calm, reassuring but perhaps somewhat pragmatic manner; 'Oops, well, not to worry

I so much agree with PastSellByDate