Social skills

[Goldchilled7up]

I posted this on behaviour / development, but might be more appropriate here.

Ds is 4 and in reception. Being one if the youngest in the class (younger boy) he has been having problems with social skills and I don't know how to help him.

He doesn't know how to play with other children, and when he tries he forces himself to much on others, getting the other kids to reject him. All of these has been noticed by the teacher who is trying to help.

Although he is happy going to school, he seems to be quite stressed. He has no reason to be stressed at home, I can only assume that it's because of this problem at school. He keeps touching and twisting his ears all day long non stop, he keeps grinding his teeth at night, amongst other things that are clearly stress related.

Both his dad and me were quite sociable at school, but we didn't start until we were almost 7 (Europe) so we don't really know how to help him.

Any advice is kindly appreciated.

Could you try arranging play dates with classmates so he can learn at home with just one other child? You can observe and make sure it doesn't go out of hands.

School with 29 other children is big for some kids and they need a smaller surrounding.

Or try to get him enrolled in some team activity as after school club. Rugby or football maybe?

Thank you Noramum, I'll definitely do that. I've posted another tread asking about play dates as it is all new to me, with him being my only child. He is due to start drama classes in January. I'll look into some sport as well. Recently he has been very tiered after school, so I didn't want to do to much with him, specially if it is too structured.

He is young for his class and also quite small framed, 9th centile. He tried taekwondo a while back but kept falling when other children run into him, he looked lost there as most were older, I didn't enrol him as it would destroy is confidence. I need to find a sport that will boost his confidence and that is fun. He is not a very physical child apart from running which he loves and could do all day, on his own or racing because I let him win , but he gets disheartened when playing chase with other children because he's smaller and never catches them.

He loves music and singing hence the reason for the drama classes.

you could try him in gymnastics if he is quite small. As it is an individual sport and non contact then his size won't be an issue and it is great for coordination and general skills.

Great suggestion, I'll look for gymnastics classes nearby. Thanks

You could maybe look if your library does a story time session on a Saturday morning. Or during the school holidays. They are free, and you don't have to go every week, but it would give him a chance just to "be" with others of a similar age.

Did he go to Nursery? Is school a big surprise? I think the idea of having other children round to play is a good idea. Sometimes children do not immediately get the hang of playing but are ok when they learn the rules. We had a music and movement club at school where the reception children enjoyed mixing in a more informal setting. I would see if the teacher can monitor playtime to see if she can suggest how he might interact more effectively and intervene to smooth things over if necessary. He does seem stressed so I would share your concern but I am sure he will soon feel more at home.

Leeds the library sessions where we live are on weekdays in the morning, which is a shame, I'll check if they run sessions during the holidays. Thanks

Millymollymama he did go to nursery in the same school, but he had pretty much the same issue then. Although it was better, there were 3 children that he played with more, they were all about the same age as him, but unfortunately they are not in the same class this year.

His nursery report was more or less the same as what I'm hearing this year. He is very bright but struggles socially. The nursery teacher said that he ignored the older children most of the time.

Unfortunately, in his class now, apart from a girl (which he never seems to play with either)all the children are 5 already, he won't be 5 until the summer. It's making a big difference in maturity levels, not academically as I was initially concerned.

What I'm most worried about is that the children in his class will be his classmates for the next 6 years, I don't want him to start getting excluded now and the age difference will always be there.

DS1 had some similar problems at that age and we worried so much about him, but in Y1 he seems to have caught up a lot.

How much is the teacher doing to help? DS1 was given help with social stories, which seemed to be like instructions on how to ask to play, join in, open conversations, etc.

Does the school have a policy where older children help encourage ones from the years below who aren't being included? DS1 was better if an older child was directing his play, than he was at joining in games with his age group.

Is changing class a possibility? With DS1 part of the problem was that he just didn't seem to get socialising and, in retrospect, part of it was that he wasn't that keen on the group he moved from preschool to school with. So there are a couple of children, that he knew from a young age, who he has become friends with now he has more social skills and there are a few who he just doesn't gel with and no amount of social skills will make that happen.

I think drama classes are a great idea.

At home you could try and role model for him - make a big thing about taking turns, sharing, letting other people speak, etc. I remember a time when our eldest was younger, she had a thing about never saying sorry, (about anything!) - as if it was a huge crushing blow to apologise. DP and I spent a while almost play-acting scenarios in front of her, where we were seen apologising to each other for various things. It did work after a couple of weeks. Just a matter of showing her that it's OK to say sorry.

Play games that involve taking turns - e.g. snakes and ladders, pairs - things that may even involve losing - if you lose you model losing 'graciously' rather than going into a sulk etc.

Also try books and stories that are about social situations - http://vimeo.com/58214461 This Is Our House by Michael Rosen is quite a good one for young kids - about sharing. Good for discussion "What do you think of George's behaviour? Do you think the children liked playing with George, when he spoke to them like that?" etc.

Oops try that link again This is Our House - by Michael Rosen

I doubt that they would accept for him to move classes. The school is very oversubscribed, so they would need for another child to swap with him.

In the 'big' playground they have older children helping if anyone looks lonely, but not on the playground up to year 2.

The teacher says that she's helping with games, but I'm not there so I don't know how much is being done. The books that you mentioned, was it the teacher who read them, or you at home? Do you remember which books were used? I won't mind buying it. Thank you

Passthecherry thank you for the book link. I'll order it.

We play board games from orchard with him and he's generally fine with taking turns. About the role playing, I need to do more of that, playing with others doesn't come naturally for him.

Sometimes he asks me to play with him, then he just want me to sit there and watch him, I'm not allowed to do anything.