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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

DD's friend talked to her about SEX, what should I do?

36 replies

littlelz · 27/11/2013 23:41

One of DD's friend (Y3, 7yo) told DD that she saw someboday was having S-E-X in a car the other day. DD didn't response as she didn't know what SEX means. She asked me what SEX is tonight and I was totally shocked. I can't imagine that a 7yo child talk about sex in the school (or virtually anywhere else). Do I need to talk to the teacher about it? what will the school do to prevent such kind of talking between students?

OP posts:

BillyBanter · 27/11/2013 23:44

Um.

Tell her in an age appropriate way what sex is?

Fairylea · 27/11/2013 23:44

Ermmm at 7 most dc know everything I think. My dd certainly did.

You just respond honestly and openly to any questions.
Let them ask and be open with them.

Fairylea · 27/11/2013 23:45

A teacher won't do anything ... talking about sex is normal.... sorry.

BunnyLebowski · 27/11/2013 23:47

My 5 year old DD knows what sex is .

How about giving her some factual info in an age appropriate way?

IsItMeOr · 27/11/2013 23:47

You're kidding, aren't you?

It's perfectly natural, normal and healthy for kids to wonder about this kind of stuff. I'm surprised it hasn't come up for you before.

The school will think you are being very odd if you ask them to prevent the students talking about things they have seen or heard.

Our take with 4yo DS is to answer his questions honestly, in simple language that he should hopefully understand.

E.g. he has noticed a couple of years ago that I don't have a penis. Explained men and women different, and my wee comes out of a hole. He's asked about breasts, and how they make milk.

It's no big deal. Perhaps you could get an age-appropriate book to help you explain it to your DD? The school might be able to give you some tips on that.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 27/11/2013 23:48

"what will the school do to prevent such kind of talking between students?"

Cane them?

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 27/11/2013 23:48

Definitely use this as your opportunity to tell your daughter about sex so that she isnt hearing silly wrong explanations from her friends.

PolkaDotParty · 27/11/2013 23:49

I think you owe it to your dd to have an age appropriate discussion about sex - buy her a book, read it together, answer her questions, make it clear you're open to discussion. At 7 she's only going to hear more from her friends, and she needs to know the facts and that she can check out what she's being told with you.

Bearing in mind many girls start their periods whilst at primary school, this is probably a nudge for you to initiate some chats about that too.

curlew · 27/11/2013 23:49

I presume this is a joke thread?

LEMisafucker · 27/11/2013 23:49

No it bloody is not normal if my dd was talking about sex id want to know about it. I would talk to the teacher they have safe guarding guidelines. Probably just playground banter but id have to say something

NoComet · 27/11/2013 23:50

I total DD2 about sex at 7, she has a big sister with older DFs. I think she knew the basics.

DD1 has always known the basics. Said older friend beat me to the full sex talk on guide camp.

I don't mind, seems her talk was both accurate and very funny.

Original poster

littlelz · 27/11/2013 23:53

It seems I am overreacted. We did talk about similar topics, but never say the word SEX. I know what I should do now. Thanks you all.

OP posts:

FantasticDay · 27/11/2013 23:54

My 7 yo dd asked me in her piping little voice in front of the ILs at a posh restaurant, "Do you have sex, mummy?". She's known how the baby gets in the mummy's tummy since she was about 4 (she asked) though only recently realised that the 'special cuddle' is also called sex. It's quite normal I think.

optimusic · 27/11/2013 23:54

Why wouldn't 7 year olds talk about sex?
They at that age and younger see pregnant. Not all parents come out with the crap about the stork, instead they tell their children about sex in an age appropriate way.

Then there's sex ed in schools. Girls can start their periods at the age of 8, and schools teach this because well, some parents either have some very strange ideas themselves or just don't want to talk about sex at all.

So, how do you expect the school to stop children talking about sex?

VworpVworp · 27/11/2013 23:55

My children have known how babies are made since they were 2 or 3... but we've never called it 'sex'.

Don't know how to broach that one!

deXavia · 27/11/2013 23:57

I'd hazard a guess she saw a couple snogging in a car but its more shocking and therefore more fun to say S E X (probably said drawn out like that and with some face pulling for maximum effect!)
My DC 7 and 5 - know the word and despite answering their questions honestly, they just think its funny for shock value .
Speak to the teacher by all means they may wish to remind kids about 'appropriate language' but doubt it will stop.

HeeHiles · 28/11/2013 00:00

Why are adults so scared to talk about sex with their children? She asks what sex is - you tell her its when adults who love each other give special cuddles - later you can go into details but fgs grow a pair and tell her!

steeking · 28/11/2013 00:04

Mine grew up having "Mummy Laid an Egg" read to them from a very young age. We also live in a rural environment so they see cattle and sheep reproducing .
It's important they get the correct facts at home because much of what is said in the playground is rubbish .

juniper9 · 28/11/2013 07:53

I had children in my class last year offering to explain to me how I had become pregnant, and how the baby was going to come out.

Strangely, I didn't ask them to elaborate.

Lovecat · 28/11/2013 08:03

Thanks to the car radio blaring out the Ian Watkins news on Tuesday I had to explain to DD (8) what rape was. Thankfully we'd already covered sex (via the special cuddle, rescue cats & kittens and Mummy Laid An Egg) over the years (she's been asking since she was 5 or so) in an age-appropriate manner.

If I hadn't, it would have been a really horrible introduction to sex ed :(

EirikurNoromaour · 28/11/2013 08:11

This isn't a safeguarding issue! The child had some age appropriate curiosity about sex, heard the word and attached it to something she thought was sex (probably kissing I would have thought)
Things that would raise concern would be children talking explicitly about sex acts with specific knowledge or acting out sex acts. Something that would indicate that they have been exposed to sex or pornography. Knowing the word sex, that it relates to adult behaviour and attaching it to kissing at age 7 is perfectly normal.

To answer your questions - you tell her, in an age appropriate way, what sex is. Tell her it's not a secret but also it's not something to talk about with people apart from mummy and daddy/teacher whatever, but she can always ask you if she has questions. Don't tell the school!

treas · 28/11/2013 08:56

littlelz - If she asked what sex was then tell her what you think is age appropriate - then if she asks another related question you answer that in an age appropriate way etc.

Only answer the questions that you are asked and don't give extra detail unless asked for. If you are lucky she will be be happy with your first answer!

rabbitstew · 28/11/2013 09:11

Thinking a "special cuddle" could create a baby would get me worried!...

DeWe · 28/11/2013 09:33

The more you tell it as a plain fact, rather than getting flustered and embarrassed the easier it will be for her.
I just went with a seed from daddy, and an egg from mummy. Strangely they never asked how it got together until last year when dd2 asked how the seed gets inside the mummy. So I told them. Dd2 said "but they wee with their willy" dd1 (at secondary having just finished doing sex education at school) said "oh I got that wrong on my test then."
Then they both said together "eugh that's yucky!"
But they knew the concept of sex and pregnancy from before they were 7yo because they'd asked and I'd answered the questions. Better than finding out (inaccurately) from friends generally.

At least I don't need to worry about young pregnancies yet.

HyvaPaiva · 28/11/2013 09:35

Why do you keep writing the word SEX in capitals like that, OP?

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