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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

has anyone decided to just not do any of the 'stuff' (sponsorship forms, harvest festival donations, shoeboxes for xmas, homework for infants...)

49 replies

redhappy · 07/10/2013 16:41

I feel like just saying enough!! I don't want to do any of this stuff.

Can you 'opt out' and still have pleasant and easy school relationship?

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squiddle · 07/10/2013 16:45

You can get away with not doing some of it. I wouldn't make a point of it though - I would be really nice and appreciative to the teacher.

I would definitely do the reading in infants as that seems to make a huge difference to children's progress. As for the rest, it's more how your dc feel when everyone rocks up with, say, their harvest festival donation and they have nothing... my dd would absolutely hate it.

KiplingBag · 07/10/2013 16:49

Entirely up to you if you want to get involved/donate etc.

A great many times I just didn't bother with stuff and ignored, and at other times if I wanted to then I would donate or help out.

You can still have a good relationship with the school.

Original poster

redhappy · 07/10/2013 16:49

I know, it's not fair on dd. To be honest though she's tired and grumpy after school, we've started trying to read in the mornings and that's working better.

I just hate all the assumptions that go with it all. Single parent, have another child who has sn and attends different school, no family support. Just feels like a lot of extra work today! And not sure who it's really all for!

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Original poster

redhappy · 07/10/2013 16:52

Sorry, meant all the assumptions that you've got grandparents to sponsor you, there's an adult able to give you undivided attention and cajole a three child who wants to chill out into doing more work!

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Original poster

redhappy · 07/10/2013 16:54

Tired not three! Just having a bad day perhaps!

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Flicktheswitch · 07/10/2013 17:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KiplingBag · 07/10/2013 17:07

I would sponsor them myself and that is it. Maybe put siblings on the form to spread it out a bit. But again, that wasn't always.

There will be plenty of parents who just love to get stuck in to it all, Let them get on with it is my motto!

KiplingBag · 07/10/2013 17:08

Oh and we never went to school on dressing up day! Was it world book day or something when they had to be a character. My DC hated doing the dressing up malarky so we didn't go in.

DuckToWater · 07/10/2013 17:12

I don't always bother with donations to external charities through school as I do donate out of school, but I think helping to fund extra educational equipment through the PTA is very important.

I think helping your kids with homework and reading is important, but obviously it shouldn't stress them out.

I think parents should generally try and not be apathetic about school and help their child feel supported.

My parents were not as involved with school as I am as a parent, and as a kid I really wanted them to be.

ProfYaffle · 07/10/2013 17:13

I pick and choose. I do the stuff I enjoy or the dc want to do but I couldn't do everything.

I agree reading's important though. We also do it in the mornings, I get to school early so we get a good parking space then do reading for 10 mins or so. Much easier than trying to do it in the afternoon when they're tired.

kilmuir · 07/10/2013 17:16

You should have gone in, but in uniform. One or 2 parents did this and then the next year a few more. Costume making is my nightmare but don't want my DC to miss school because of it.
Not keen on shoebox thing as read bad reports on christian group behind it.
Will take in something for harvest festival.
Reading is not that big a deal ! Why does being a single parent make it difficult. I have 4 dc and partner is away all week, still find 5 mins. Makes a big difference.

Windyone · 07/10/2013 17:46

For most of the things you have mentioned i think its fine not to take part as long as your dd isnt upset. In terms of not taking part in things that raise money for the school then i think the other parents might not be happy. Your daughter may benefit from funds that other people raise while you dont want to get involved.

Original poster

redhappy · 07/10/2013 17:47

I have another child who has sn kilmuir. Also, having a partner who's away is not the same as not having a partner. But hats off to you! 4 kids = a lot of hard work on your part!

In Nov keen on the shoeboxes either, having read about the organisation behind them on here.

OP posts:

bymoonlight · 07/10/2013 17:50

I think reading is essential and couldn't ever lump it in with the other things you have mentioned.

Reading is purely for your child's benefit.

I also do it in the morning.

Original poster

redhappy · 07/10/2013 18:15

I agree on the importance of reading as a lifeskill. I read to them every evening, they each have chosen a book that I read subchapte from every night. In fact my son had taught himself to read before he'd even started school.

I think I just don't like feeling like I'm not in control of how we spend our time as a family. We talk about interesting things, limited time on tv/ computer etc I buy lots of books to read with them, I just wish they could just go for the day then come home and our time be our own

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EdithWeston · 07/10/2013 18:22

I tend to join in with Stuff, probably from a tendency to compliance.

But the first year eldest DC was at primary, there was so much Other Stuff going on that I completely forgot to Do A Shoebox. And discovered that nothing happened

I suggest you join in the bits at are easy or you like. The rest doesn't matter.

(Other than reading, but you'd do that anyway, wouldn't you?)

cloutiedumpling · 07/10/2013 18:23

I know how you feel. Homework seems to take up so much family time. If I can see the value in the homework then I don't mind too much but if it seems pointless then I get really grumpy.

DiamondMask · 07/10/2013 18:34

we've never done any of it. The school havent ever asked for sponsership though and we read to dd anyhow (she cant read herself as she is VI). I dont think the school notice or care to be honest.

Hulababy · 07/10/2013 18:38

Sponsor forms - I just give a specific amount for the charity in question and send that in. I don't let DD go round asking people to sponsor her.

Shoebox Appeal - Have never done the Operation Christmas Child one as don't agree with it. DD's school did do it once or twice. I went in and explained why and gve them information explaining it more. They stopped doing it and do a local Christmas Appeal. Was happy with that one so did give.

Harvest Festival - didn't mind it so chose to contribute.

Clothes Collection - never bothered doing that one

I pick and chose which I agree with or feel are appropriate for us at the time.

Hulababy · 07/10/2013 18:40

Ah missed the homework bit.

I always did that with DD. But then she never got much and the key one was reading - always did that, almost every night, as felt it was important. Spelling - looked at them once a week max, spellings have no academic benefit so didn't spend any time with them rally. Maths - DD benefited from the extra bit so did it with her. But she never got loads luckily.

shebird · 07/10/2013 19:04

Reading and homework is top of my list of priorities and the rest I just do what I can without stressing too much about it. It all gets too much especially in the run up to Christmas with school fayres, nativities, costumes etc. so I do limit as much as possible then or I would crack up.

OldRoan · 07/10/2013 20:05

It's up to you, of course.

As a teacher, however, who has had to drink her way through cartons of juice to make DT projects because none of the children managed to bring one in ("we have them at home but mum said I couldn't bring it in and it had to go in the bin"), and who spent 3 hours wrapping shoeboxes for the appeal that I'm not very keen on either, it is frustrating to see parents getting to make the choice! Financial things are different, as is making costumes etc, but something that requires almost zero effort (bringing in the empty carton) might be the difference between the children being able to do something and not.

Leeds2 · 07/10/2013 20:17

I don't think not taking part in the activities you mention would have any impact on your/your DC's relations hip with their school. I would just take part if you wanted to/could, or ignore it if you didn't have time.

My DD though used to love doing some of the activities at her primary, and I would've hated to say no. For example, she enjoyed mufti days (cost me £1) and decorating jam jars and filling them with tat for the summer fair.

Would drive me mad if parents wouldn't donate their juice cartons, if they were drinking the juice anyway!

OldRoan · 07/10/2013 20:23

I understand it's a hassle bringing it in, but it's just the once! That's my point really - something that is a mild inconvenience for 10 minutes for a parent is often an inconvenience for me x30!

Adikia · 07/10/2013 20:29

homework, dressing up and bringing stuff in and things like the £2 for jeans for genes we always do.

Sponsorship stuff annoys me though, it always gets so competitive over who has the most sponsors, DS once actually put mine and my mums pets down for 20p each just so he could fill the sheet!

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