has anyone decided to just not do any of the 'stuff' (sponsorship forms, harvest festival donations, shoeboxes for xmas, homework for infants...)

[redhappy]

I feel like just saying enough!! I don't want to do any of this stuff.

Can you 'opt out' and still have pleasant and easy school relationship?

OldRoan, I can remember weeks of using loo roll mum had put in a bag coz she needed the toilet roll tubes and no one had brought any in.
on the plus side there was also the week when i was about 12 when she needed lolly sticks, my siblings and I practically lived off ice-lollies that week!

Obviously have a foot in both camps here...

Never do shoeboxes, campaign against them tbh but so far they haven't stopped.

Harvest...well, we do a good line in overgrown courgettes from the garden, so tend to send those in.

Dress up day ... having seen the sheer misery of the single child in uniform on such a day (kitted him out from assorted dressing up boxes and costume stores) I do try not to miss those.

Sponsorship - DH and I sponsor a small amount each if we approve of the charity, but not otherwise.

Fetes etc - I tend to make a cake or [shhhhh] very occasionally recycle the end of year gifts I get from pupils that I absolutely cannot use (both the makeup and the perfumed toiletries + my severe eczema would = elephantmanteacherwith2kids)

Anything else tends to get ignored BUT reading is important (other homework not so much, but reading definitely)

Reading shouldn't be lumped in with those other things tbh.

Harvest festival I always donate, our infants send things to the local food bank.

Sponsorship we give an amount we think is appropriate - would never ask anyone else to sponsor except grandparents and possibly aunts and uncles occasionally. If you have no extended family then just sponsor yourself.

Dress up - why would you want them to be left out?

I always send in extra for junk modelling etc so that there is a bit more to go around.

I can't really understand your attitude tbh, it is your own DC who benefit or not from what you put in.

But then I read in school several times a week and am on the PTA to raise funds for the school and enhance what the children experience so perhaps I'm the wrong person to answer your thread.

Feeling a bit less grumpy now, thanks for responding so nicely to my self-indulgent moan!

It was one of those days where the amount both schools wanted from me was too much! I forgot to include a few other bits that came home today too.

Anyway, happy to let dd in in fancy dress. Just to confirm in not against reading at home at all, the opposite in fact, I just like it to be on our own terms and not be told to by the school. At I previous school I used to go in to hear children read, and I've volunteered for several school trips. Also donated wool to the knitting club...

Tbh think I'm just having a bit more a righ Monday, and all these stupid letters and requests came home on a day I could have really done without it.

I make a point of apologising for the lack of donation on non school uniform day, and this apology is always graciously accepted by the super school secretary.

Jam jars and stuff asked for, I try to send in as many as I can, as it is not so difficult to do that.

As a pp said, just make sure you have some quality interactions with as many of the staff as possible as an when the opportunity occurs. They are all working hard to create an educational environment for the children, and appreciation of that is important.

However I couldn't disagree more with the parents who apparently resent our children benefitting from THEIR fundraising efforts. If they are such selfish shits they should set up their own club where they can control who Benefits from their efforts, not wade into the school community with a proprietorial air, expecting precarious families to contribute equally with secure families.

^^agree with Alibaba and I'm not on the PTA

Where do you get the shoe boxes from? I have not got any at home.

I still remember the feeling of my mum not joining in with things so I do them with mine whilst they are keen. If they were not bothered and it didn't mean anything to me I wouldn't. Homework and reading I would always do.

The children of involved parents are more likely to do well at school (higher grades on average). This is discussed in the book Freakonomics.

Those little things that seem so unimportant may be more important than you think.

There are different ways of being involved though, time and money are often required, but don't forget about quality interaction.... Put thought into what you say to people, and that can be worth more than the few quid asked for every other week, to the human beings who work in the school.

Exactly Pistillate. I spend my life either at the school or on the phone sorting out VI/statement stuff. I reckon I'm doing my bit that doesnt involve jam jars etc

Diamond, you definately count as an involved parent then!

What is VI, by the way?

Cherry quite often shoe shops will donate spare/unwanted ones. Lots now seem to be those hinged lids which just don't really work, so we tend to switch them for freebie lidded ones.

If a hinged one came in wrapped I think we'd accept it!

Our school changed a few years ago to offering parents a flat fee to opt out of all fundraising activities. You then get half of it back if you attend the annual working bee. It's worked really well, we don't have to have as many fundraisers now (although the annual wine sale is pretty damned popular!). It's worth suggesting as a few other schools near here have taken it on as well. You'd be surprised how many people are happy to opt out for a small fee.

VI = Visual Impairment. DD is registered blind, among other things. (this does have the benefit that she doesnt notice dressing up days, possible non attendance by some parents at events etc )

oldroan 'spelling has no academic benefit'

Please will you inform the government of this so I don't have to spend my time planning how to teach it, and then spend 15 minutes of every day actually teaching it.

we have 6 kids.
4 at school one at playgroup. as you can imagine we are busy.

yet DH (on my prompting) offered to take on the role of PTA chair once again as there was no-one else willing to do it!
seriously, I know we are all busy but there must be someone else who has a little bit more time than a FT late-working father of 6!
(I have done loads too over the last 8 years - and I'll be doing loads more until our 18-months-old finish primary! )

everyone needs to pull their weight otherwise it's always the same handful of people who work their arses off!

so no you don't have to do anything, but it would relieve others if you did.
and it's a good lesson to teach your kids to give, even if you only have a little - being able to be generous is a fantastic feeling!

Citrusy when did I say that?

I certainly didn't mean to imply it in any of my posts.

Huge apologies oldroan, it was not you that made the comment about spelling- it was hulababy. Poorly baby clearly sending my eyes boggled.

No worries, we all make mistakes - hope your baby is alright.

She's getting there. :-)

SanityClause said: "The children of involved parents are more likely to do well at school (higher grades on average). ... Those little things that seem so unimportant may be more important than you think."

The fact that there is a correllation between a child's success and "involved parents" doesn't mean that being an involved parent causes your child will do well. It is much more likely that "involved parents" tend to get "involved" because they already have a higher than average interest in education and a culture of supporting learning at home.

Stopping collecting old jam jars and filling in sponsor forms will not undermine that culture. In fact it might leave more time and energy it!

define 'involved'? I never went to a single thing at the older kids school. They all got A*'s at A level. Apparently that's a successful sign etc.
We are involved at home as parents. Talking to them and being with them. Taking turns looking after the youngest so the older ones didnt miss out. The older ones didnt actually set foot inside a school until they were 15 so thankfully missed out on the jam jar collecting stage. I just dont see it as important.