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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Year1 teacher yelled at daughter

127 replies

saltpeanuts · 12/09/2013 19:30

Dear mumsnetters, I really need your advice.

Today DD (5, year1) told me her teacher had yelled at her in front of the class. DD is usually a very quiet and sensitive child, so she felt confused and sad. She recognised she was being a bit noisy when the teacher yelled at her (her words), but not behaving intentionally badly. Still, do you think it's OK to yell at children, especially when they're that young? Should I speak with the her (the teacher) and try to find out what happened?

Just a note, I think it's ok to tell children off and speak things, but I don't agree with yelling/screaming at them. At the same time, I understand grown ups aren't perfect all the time and that working with children can be very stressful, but I don't want this to repeat.

What would you do in my place? Thanks for your advice

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Johnny5needsinput · 12/09/2013 19:32

Oh dear.

You need to toughen up. This is unlikely to be the last time your daughter is told off.

I'd do nothing.

Fwiw the teacher yelled can just mean the teacher spoke crossly.

BrianButterfield · 12/09/2013 19:34

A quiet and sensitive child's idea of what yelling is is very different to what an adult's is. Find out what really happened - it may have been just a firm tone which was interpreted as a telling-off (this happens even in secondary school). School isn't nursery and teachers do need to be firm at times.

bundaberg · 12/09/2013 19:35

no, i don't think it's ok to yell at children.

however, you don't actually know that she was yelled at. the teacher may just have raised her voice.

so.. i would do nothing

kotinka · 12/09/2013 19:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

saltpeanuts · 12/09/2013 19:37

I agree with that, and yes, I believe children have to be told off sometimes.

But when I asked DD how her teacher yelled at her, to imitate her tone, she raised her voice and really screamed, and I really believe her. Don't know how to bring it up with teacher, really it's the first time this happens (last year's teacher was firm but very calm).

The thing is I don't want to ignore it, but don't know how to mention it to the teacher :(

OP posts:

Oblomov · 12/09/2013 19:38

I think you are totally overreacting. Speak to the teacher and find out exactly what did happen. She might, as we all suspect, tell a totally different story, to the one dd tells.
I think you may need to toughen up.

HangingGardenofBabbysBum · 12/09/2013 19:38

If be surprised that, even if the teacher were so emotionally incontinent she lost her rag and bollocked kids willy-billy when tired, that she's have reached melting point already. They've only just gone back!

It's a shame your DD was upset, but she recognised that making noise when not supposed to = unpleasant consequences.

I'm sure she will be fine!

girliefriend · 12/09/2013 19:39

I would say to the teacher, "was dd told off for something the other day?

Only she was quite upset at home and I wondered what happened"

Not on to shout at kids as a rule....

Johnny5needsinput · 12/09/2013 19:39

What exactly was your dd doing that was so noisy?

HangingGardenofBabbysBum · 12/09/2013 19:39

Willy-nilly, clearly.

mrspaddy · 12/09/2013 19:39

I wouldn't do anything. I would talk to your daughter to tell her that she needs to listen to the teacher.

She might not have behaved badly but teachers have to keep some control and lay down the rules for the year in September.

Also you cannot be sure was it yelling or just a very firm voice.

kotinka · 12/09/2013 19:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrspaddy · 12/09/2013 19:41

Just read your second post.. Screaming is on! So maybe ask the teacher.

tiggytape · 12/09/2013 19:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

saltpeanuts · 12/09/2013 19:42

Thanks for that girliefriend. English is not my first language and I struggle finding the right words.

Johnny5 she was making pop sounds with her mouth, which she knows she shouldn't have.

OP posts:

kotinka · 12/09/2013 19:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoundandRebound · 12/09/2013 19:42

I wouldn't believe her for a moment

Kids make things up without knowing particularly about school

Speak to teacher

And I agree about needing to toughen up but think that's unfair, we all took time to 'toughen up' with our first child

hettienne · 12/09/2013 19:44

If the children were being noisy, she probably had to raise her voice to get their attention.

Dreamingofcakeallnight · 12/09/2013 19:47

Are you sure she actually yelled? If it were me, I'd give the teacher the benefit of the doubt and stress the importance of good classroom behaviour to my daughter.

lifeissweet · 12/09/2013 19:48

I think it's highly unlikely that you DD was screamed at for making popping sounds with her mouth! If she was then I fear the teacher might need some serious help. That would be an utterly disproportionate response. I do shout sometimes if a situation is dangerous or if the whole class is being repeatedly noisy and I've reached the end of my tether (I can count those occasions on one hand - if you shout very rarely, it makes a massive impact when you actually do) but would never scream at an individual child. That would be horrible.

I would be inclined to think the teacher was cross rather than screamy, but I wasn't there.

kelda · 12/09/2013 19:49

If she comes from a home where there is no shouting at all, then it is probably a bit of a shock for her to go in a class of loud children where the teacher has to raise her voice to be heard.

lifeissweet · 12/09/2013 19:52

Although I would add that I would appreciate being told if a child had been very upset by a telling off. Some are way more sensitive than others and it's easy to misjudge when getting to know a new class. If I was told that a child felt like your DD, I would be gentler with her and make sure I tackled things differently. Some children do need a very firm tone and strong disapproval to change their behaviour, some need a friendly nudge. It's good to know these things.

Original poster

saltpeanuts · 12/09/2013 19:53

yes, I told her she needs to behave well, she knows she did badly, but she was probably distracted. She also says the teacher yelled specifically her, not at all the class.

Re lying, I really believe my daughter. I know kids make up things some time, but I also thing we parents can tell when they're telling the truth, especially when they're so young, they're absolutely transparent (at least DD is!).

Lastly, I know I will feel very bad if I don't do anything.

I think I will do as girliefriend suggest and try to bring it up with the teacher to see what her version is.

OP posts:

mrz · 12/09/2013 19:58

As a teacher I promise not to believe half the things your child tells me about things you do in the home if you promise not to believe half the things they say about school.

Tiggles · 12/09/2013 19:59

I don't think people are saying your daughter is lying intentionally. I know with all 3 of my boys that even if I just speak sternly at them without even raising my voice they can be reduced to tears and get upset that I Was 'shouting at them'. They are convinced I have been shouting and I definitely wasn't.

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