Year1 teacher yelled at daughter

[saltpeanuts]

Dear mumsnetters, I really need your advice.

Today DD (5, year1) told me her teacher had yelled at her in front of the class. DD is usually a very quiet and sensitive child, so she felt confused and sad. She recognised she was being a bit noisy when the teacher yelled at her (her words), but not behaving intentionally badly. Still, do you think it's OK to yell at children, especially when they're that young? Should I speak with the her (the teacher) and try to find out what happened?

Just a note, I think it's ok to tell children off and speak things, but I don't agree with yelling/screaming at them. At the same time, I understand grown ups aren't perfect all the time and that working with children can be very stressful, but I don't want this to repeat.

What would you do in my place? Thanks for your advice

my ds told his teacher he loves it when grandad picks him up cos he has sweets in his car & lets him share his whiskey as grandad only drinks whiskey, even for breakfast.

All a combination of my dad teasing ds & his imagination

oh for goodness sake kotinka don't you think as adults we are capable of differentiating between stories about mum giving birth to Jesus and a possible child protection issue!

Never believe a 5 year old. yes they lie to their mums all the time.

If you don't believe that then she has really pulled a number on you.

(I would bet my house that it was a stern telling off, nothing more)

DD has a cover teacher in Y1 who she disliked because (in DD's words) "the teacher is really shouty".

DS had the same teacher in Reception. She's not shouty, she just has a naturally loud voice which she frequently raises to be heard over classroom noise. DD's normal Y1 teacher was very softly spoken so the difference was very pronounced to her.

Your DD isn't lying though, she believes she is telling the truth. But she is 5 and it is unlikely the teacher did more than speak firmly. Do nothing, see how the rest of this term goes. Then make up your mind. You can't go in over every little thing, let alone bother the head about them!

Your DD isn't lying though, she believes she is telling the truth. But she is 5 and it is unlikely the teacher did more than speak firmly. Do nothing, see how the rest of this term goes. Then make up your mind. You can't go in over every little thing, let alone bother the head about them!

Then I advise anyone in this situation to go to the school and ask.

So the school can tell them what really happened.

Besides I'm sure a sensitive 5 year old who really had been screamed at loudly would be very very upset.

Did she wait until you got far enough away from the school home before she told you op?

damn it that was meant to be a line through!

Is she quite an 'old school' type of teacher? If so, a tried and tested tactic with a new class is to give a normally 'good' child a major bollocking for a minor thing in order to put the frighteners on the rest of them and bring them into line/establish authority.

I would maybe speak to some other parents and see whatbtheybsay, any similar stories etc?

I personally wouldn't go into school, unless it becomes a frequent occurrence and your daughter gets upset.

Do you know any of the other parents in the class? If so, could you ask them to have a word with their child and ask them if they saw what happened?

Teachers sometimes have to shout.

it wasn't mistreatment though was it, it was possibly shouting, maybe a loud voice. But neither constitute mistreatment do they

I think most people are suggesting the OP tries to discover what her child means by "shout" because for some children it is a loud voice for others it would be a full on screaming fit!

It is not mistreatment to raise your voice to a child in order to be heard. If you think it is then you are mistaken.

Yes I do, but let's go back to the original problem. A child asserts minor mistreatment from a teacher. Many on the thread assert that the child should be automatically disbelieved. This doesn't sit well to me.
^^ This.

We want our children to tell us when something really bad happens. For example, if a trusted adult touches them the wrong way and tells them it's a secret.

If we automatically disbelieve them on smaller stuff, will they bother to tell us if something is really off?

Op, I believe your child is telling the truth. It's also possible that a shy child who rarely gets told off, perceived a loud, angry voice as shouty.

I would let the teacher know your child was upset. See what she says, how she reacts. Keep an eye on the situation and try to pick up what other children say - was this a one-off? Was your child's perception exaggerated? Or is there a real problem?

No need to go in guns blazing. It's early days. If the teacher is good, she'll want to know how your child felt. But please, don't dismiss your child's report out of hand.

I had a parent question me about shouting this week. I have not even given a firm word to anyone let alone a shout but mum wasn't happy.

I'm a Y2 teacher and I SHOUT! But, I make it very clear why I am shouting so they understand that I am doing so to make myself heard across a class of very noisy 6 & 7 year olds during their play. Certainly in Y1 class where play can 'play' a very big part of the everyday curriculum, a teacher may have to SHOUT across a classroom towards a specific child if they are doing a misdemeanour. The shouting will be to make oneself heard, not to frighten, intimidate or embarrass.

OP - I doubt your child will be emotionally damaged by this one event. From what you have said, a raised voice is obviously something new to her and even if she is an absolute angelic little girl, no child is perfect and all children will at some point 'be naughty' and need a ticking off. In a nice way, get over it. The fact that you are stressing over it is probably why your daughter is too.

Yes I do, but let's go back to the original problem. A child asserts minor mistreatment from a teacher. Many on the thread assert that the child should be automatically disbelieved. This doesn't sit well to me

Nor me. I'm always saddened on threads such as this, where the attitude is mostly "oh, but kids lie", "Oh, but kids have to learn", "oh, you'll have to toughen up, OP". This child is only 5, the first term is barely under way, and an adult is yelling at her already. Does no-one expect a measure of self-control from teachers?

I loathed the shouting at school - I'm in my 60s, and I still remember how nervous I felt in that atmosphere. I didn't bother telling my parents because they'd probably have felt as most of you do - that it was an inevitable part of the education system. I just went in day after day, feeling scared and powerless, making myself invisible.

Some of my classmates felt the same and also kept their heads down - the others "toughened up" and stopped giving a damn who shouted. Was that a successful educational technique, either way?

Is she quite an 'old school' type of teacher? If so, a tried and tested tactic with a new class is to give a normally 'good' child a major bollocking for a minor thing in order to put the frighteners on the rest of them and bring them into line/establish authority

In the 1950s, yes. That's exactly what my teachers were like, only they had weapons at their disposal too. Disgusting way to behave with young children.

I expected more, 60 years on.

Were you there ? No. You admit your dd is sensitive , could she perhaps have exaggerated the "yelling". She has been the class about a week and they are still adjusting from the perhaps more nurturing style of Reception.

The best teachers don't shout. I sometimes shout,very rarely, but I am not a trained professional

Very few posters have said that the OP's dd was lying.

It's just that in a class of 30 5 year olds, you would get 30 versions of the truth.