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Original poster

Support thread for parents burying their heads in sandpits with PFBs off to school

273 replies

MrsWembley · 15/08/2013 09:51

Am I the only one, stood here looking at my DD and thinking,

'nooooooooo, you can't be ready, you can't be about to leave me forever, they can't have you, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...'

I'm fine with it, really. It's just, well, there's only three and a half weeks to go.Sad

How have others dealt with it? How will you deal with it? How will I react to it? Glad of the peace? Sad at the thought that someone else is now teaching her? Missing her company? Grateful for the time alone with DS?

And how do people deal with school politics? And then there's all those frightful stories I've read on here about dealing with other parents!

If you've been there, please come and help us. If you too are sitting around, pretending it's not about to happen, come here to carry on the pretence.Wink

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LadyBarlow · 20/08/2013 23:28

mrs wembley glad I've been able to help!
I might not have all the answers Grin but I'm happy to try & answer questions if people need my wisdom! Wink
1 thing about home visits- we're honestly not coming to see how clean your house is!!!

Original poster
MrsWembley · 20/08/2013 23:36

Photos that are up look wonderful.Smile

I really have to get off my arse and get to the shop...

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsWembley · 20/08/2013 23:38

Bugger, LadyB, I was going to show off my wonderful HouseWifely skills... Wink

Now, posh party dress for DD or just running around in pants?

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LadyBarlow · 20/08/2013 23:55

mrs w I'd say let your DD run round in her pants when the teacher comes round! Let her see DDs true character!
Feel free to bake! I'd never turn down a cake! Although my TA & I do limit our tea intake so we don't have to use the loo in too many houses!

Adikia · 21/08/2013 15:04

Mrs Wembley, he is wonderful, DD and I have the same love of learning as he does so he quite enjoys being able to do stuff to encourage her and discussing my uni work with me as his children were never interested.

iloveaglassofwine · 21/08/2013 15:21

LadyB I have labelled everything - will label DD if she stands still long enough Grin

DD is super weepy at the moment and very clingy. She finishes nursery next week and I think this and all the school talk from us, grandparents and nursery is stressing her out. I've tried to tone it down a bit, now. I think she'll be fine when she gets there but it's been a long time coming and these last few weeks seem to have dragged.

Stillhopingstillhere · 22/08/2013 16:30

Ds is just 4 and is my only one. I'm struggling because we have been trying for dc2 for ages and now discovered that dh is infertile so once ds goes to school that's it. It's really spoiled ds's early years as everything has been touched with sadness that we can't have more children. This makes me feel guilty. I wish he was a few weeks younger because then I'd have another year with him.
I've been a sahm too so got to find a job once he's at school as dh says he won't support me. Too much change all at once!

Ds isn't that keen about going to school. He's a bit of a homebody and I think he has a few issues so I'm a bit worried about him being picked on. He does well in small groups, but finds big groups overwhelming and he gets quite stressed. Otoh he's just 4. It's a lot to expect.
He is doing half days until he's ready for full time, as requested by us. School have been fine about this and have basically said see how he settles in and if he needs part time that's ok.

LadyBarlow · 22/08/2013 16:32

I think that's a really good point iloveaglassofwine. Some people really lay it on thick- 'ooh, you're going to big school, you're going to have work hard and be good or the teacher will tell you off'
Some kids (& parents!) are so wound up by the start of term they need a month to recover! My advice would be to relax as much as possible, just say it'll be like nursery but you'll be wearing uniform/staying all day/ going to a place where you'll be able to stay till you're older- say whatever is going to cause the least stress, to DCs & to you

Original poster
MrsWembley · 22/08/2013 19:41

Stillhoping, sounds like the school are prepared for some of these younger, quieter kids and ok about making allowances, so maybe you could relax on that point? The other stuff does sound awfully sad though.Sad As you've got him in for half days for the foreseeable future, it's almost like it's a settling-in time for you too.

LadyB, I suffer from the problem of 'ooh, big school, you won't be allowed to do that/you'll have to do this'itus... I keep kicking myself and adding, 'but you'll have so much fun, it'll be so exciting!'

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Stillhopingstillhere · 22/08/2013 20:02

I know mrswembley! It really is! I'm going to really miss him, although he is desperate for someone to play with all the time (adding to my only child guilt) so that will be nice for him.

He still gets really tired so we thought half days might be best for that reason too.

GetYourSocksOff · 22/08/2013 20:27

Oh thank god I found the thread, thought there must be one somewhere! It seems to have moved on a bit but can I join?

Pfb DS is starting. I thought I was cool with it. He's been at nursery 3 days a week since he was 1 yr and I was looking forward to spending time with DD. I figured we'll still have the holidays, what's the big deal?

Aaargh I'm not fine :( I'm going to miss him so much. And he's going to change so much. And I'm worried whether he'll be ok as he's only just 4 and seems so little compared to some of the others.

Will read back over the thread now

Original poster
MrsWembley · 22/08/2013 23:25

Y'know, catching up, there seem to be a lot of us here with 'just 4's. Is it that we worry about them more because in our minds they are so much younger than those who are 4-6-9 months older?

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Adikia · 23/08/2013 00:12

I was wondering that MrsWembley, DD is 5 in October and has been ready for school for a couple of months so I'm not worried about her fitting in or being ready, its if I have everything ready for her and if I'm putting the right stuff in her lunch box that worries me. She's grown up a lot in the last 6 months and is far more independent now, I think if she had gone when she was just 4 I would of been really worried

TheHappyCamper · 23/08/2013 08:23

Stillhoping your post resonates massively with me and I too suffer the 'only child' guilt (ours is unexplained secondary infertility). We can worry together hey.

adika, galena and olibeansmummy - all 3 photos look fab! So very grown up all of them. We have been away for a few days camping (making the most of our last 2 weeks together) so have not had chanced to upload a pic. I will though.

DD was 4 in April and still seems very young and timid. We have been practising getting dressed and undressed but she's rubbish!

Actually we know a couple of girls in her class with September birthdays and they do seem quite a bit older - one has been having reading books home already Shock

ourlittlestreet · 23/08/2013 08:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Stillhopingstillhere · 23/08/2013 09:35

happycamper we are still hoping for a miracle but it's looking less and less likely as time goes on. It makes me feel most sad as I do feel like it has spoiled ds's early years. Especially this last year when we discovered what was wrong. Before then I'd just been thinking it was taking a bit more time. Having had ds without any trouble I never expected to be told that Ivf was our only slim chance of having another child.

It has definitely made me feel worse about ds starting school. And I do think if he was an autumn term birthday I'd feel better. Quite a few of my friends children are autumn term and I do feel a bit cheated out of another nine months with my ds. In the same way that I feel a bit cheated re the second child thing I guess. Ds was also six weeks prem, if he'd been term he might well have been the year below - if he'd been a few days overdue versus six weeks early he'd have been a September 2013 birthday. I was really hoping he would be! Having been a teacher of early years there is no doubt in my mind that some (not all) of the younger ones do find it more stressful and much more difficult than their older peers.

Stillhopingstillhere · 23/08/2013 09:36

Sorry a September 2009 birthday! Brain not functioning!

herbaceous · 23/08/2013 12:29

Only child guilt here too! Lots of difficulty having him, miscarriages, etc, then I finally had him at 43. Despite trying since then, no more miracles. I'm resigned to it now, but it somehow seems to concentrate all the pressure on to this one little person, which I'm determined he won't detect!

I'm on such a hair trigger at the moment! He's having a couple of weeks more nursery before school, but lots of his friends have left (), his pigeonhole has been taken down () and his coat peg doesn't have his name next to it any more ().

And to make matters worse, despite writing to the school 10 days ago about the woeful lack of information, or evidence that they give the tiniest toss, I haven't had a reply.

herbaceous · 23/08/2013 12:31

Oh, and a little stealth boast if I may. He read me his book 'Me...' the other day. The last line is 'I may be small, but I can see, the biggest thing in the world to you is Me.' In his little boy voice. I had to give him a huge hug so he couldn't see me crying!

Adikia · 23/08/2013 17:21

Aw Herby that sounds adorable, I love listening to DD read, there's just something so sweet about small children reading. I think that book would make me cry too.

Stillhopingstillhere · 23/08/2013 18:01

Those with dc who are reading are doing very well!

Ds can read CVC words and we managed a songbirds book this morning - Tom got a pot. Sam got a pot. Tap tap tap etc etc.

He's miles off reading a proper book!

Original poster
MrsWembley · 23/08/2013 19:26

Herby, that brought a tear to my eye too.

My DD 'reads' to us sometimes - but it's from a book that she knows almost off by heart.Grin

OP posts:
Adikia · 23/08/2013 20:21

Stillhoping, I used to volunteer to help listen to children read and IME once they get the hang of CVC words and sounding out the letters the rest becomes easy and they suddenly learn really quickly. DD was only just starting to get the hang of CVC words at the start of the summer holidays and is now reading reasonably well.

Stillhopingstillhere · 23/08/2013 20:27

I think ds is held back by his lack of patience! He guesses the words from the pictures and if he isn't right gets annoyed, for instance be substituted jar for pot today. He can read "pot" but was more interested in getting through the story.

jamdonut · 23/08/2013 20:57

This thread makes me feel quite wistful.

My PFB is about to be 21. Although he lives at home,he pretty much has a life of his own now.

My PS(second)B is just about to start 6th Form...and at this point,they really are responsible for themselves. Sure, the school has 'parents consultations' but in reality, parents are not in the loop by this point.Decisions are made by themselves,really. And she is a very confident young lady.

I am only going to be needed for another 3 or so years by my PT(third)B Sad,when he will hopefully be joining 6th form himself.

I remember their first ever days at school. It made me very tearful each time. But I am so proud of what they have become.