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Primary education

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Original poster

So DS1 just walked out of school today - he is eight!

81 replies

Virgil · 04/06/2013 11:51

I am inclined to go ballistic at the school. Clearly he is partly to blame and should never have left the school premises but surely they are required to prevent this!! He left something in DH's car and left school to see whether DH was still around (it was first thing). School is in the middle of a red light district (nice!) with lots of dodgy types around. Also on a very busy main road with trams going down a hill and a blind corner.

How "understanding" would you be with the Head (who is due to call me back). There is a security guard on the gate who presumably either saw him and did nothing or wasn't paying any attention.

OP posts:
xylem8 · 04/06/2013 13:33

My 8 yr old walks herself to school.YABU!!
It's a school not a prion!

rrbrigi · 04/06/2013 13:36

I do not agree with most of you. I think it is totally the school fault. Even if I have a very naughty boy who never listen to me, never do what I or teacher say, I still want to make sure that he is safe in the school. Whose fault is it if something happens with that child? Or if I sitting in my workplace I cannot be sure that my child is in the school and not on the street (e.g.: because he told to the teacher "I go to the toilet" but he went out from the school)?

It does not matter how old is the child or whet he knows about road safety. We want our children to be safe in the school no matter how naughty or how nice they are.

If they do not let the children to go straight to their class, than they need to supervise them in the playground. They should know from the point that the children arrive in the school if X Y is in or not. Or what happens when the school has a fire before the bell rang? Someone will die because they do not know that X Y is in the school or still at home?

Frikadellen · 04/06/2013 13:37

Xylem that certainly would depend on what type or school and area. My children go to a small village school in a safe area. However the road to get home is so dangerous "I" as an adult would not walk it hence my children do not. & no child in the school does.

From what OP is describing her child's school is not in a safe area for this.

OP, I would listen to what the head has to say Ask what they suggest to prevent this from happening again. (both for your child and others)

I don't think it matters how old the child was it should not have happened. However I would work WITH the school rather thanranting off at them.

However I would make it very clear your very upset & sick with worries of what could have happened and how this can NOT EVER happen again.

HSMMaCM · 04/06/2013 13:37

Our primary states clearly that before the first bell and after the last bell children are NOT the responsibility of the school. Does your school have this policy?

rrbrigi · 04/06/2013 13:38

It is not down to my DS to stay in the school. If I am right if my DS is not home educated it is compulsory in England to be in a full time education.
I would be very crossed with the school. You were lucky nothing happened with your son.

MatersMate · 04/06/2013 13:42

No I agree that you need to discuss making sure this never happens again,but as Frikadellen said, with a mind to working with the school. It sounds a really busy place and I can understand the security guard missing a kid wandering before the bell had gone.

Original poster
Virgil · 04/06/2013 13:42

DS1 does know about road safety. In our house we "stop, look listen and sniff" (because DS2 has decided that sniffing is also important Grin)

I'm deliberately not in AIBU xylem8 - but clearly I'm not saying its a prison. I am saying that if the school lead me to believe that they have care of him then I should be able to leave him there knowing he will still be there when I come to collect him. If you allow your child to walk herself to school then that is your decision as a parent and I'm not criticising that but would you be happy knowing that your child had left school alone at say 11am without anyone knowing where she was? I doubt it. Same principle applies unless the school has told us that they are not supervising the children. We have been led to believe he is supervised when we drop him off.

OP posts:
FannyFifer · 04/06/2013 13:48

I have an 8 year old, he knows that under no circumstances he should leave the playground.

They all play in playground before school starts, no one wanders off.
If your child cannot be trusted then a parent must stay till he actually goes into school.

The school are not at fault here at all, security guard doesn't know which kids can go in and out, I assume some children get to school by themself.

Original poster
Virgil · 04/06/2013 14:01

So how do I know he isn't "to be trusted" until something like this happens Fannyfifer? He isn't a naughty boy in fact exactly the opposite, and the reason he left school was because he was worried he'd get into trouble for forgetting his instrument.

Are we supposed to hang around, standing next to the teacher on duty at the entrance to the playground and the security guard on duty at the gates just because the whistle hasn't blown. Do I go back at morning break to do the same and at lunch time and afternoon break?

Just because he isn't physically in the school building but in the playground doesn't mean he shouldn't be being supervised. If a teacher wasn't there on duty I would not assume he wasn't being supervised.

OP posts:
Original poster
Virgil · 04/06/2013 14:05

Sorry, I mean if a teacher wasn't there on duty I wouldn't assume he was being supervised.

OP posts:
ubik · 04/06/2013 14:07

nothing bad happened though

and he knows not to do it again

no harm done

Original poster
Virgil · 04/06/2013 14:07

In fact parents aren't actually allowed into the playground (behind the school) and so I would effectively be standing guard at the entrance to the playground unable to even see him.

Putting a teacher on duty at that entrance leads me ( I think reasonably) to expect that she will actually be on duty and will stop children from leaving.

OP posts:
Original poster
Virgil · 04/06/2013 14:09

I think I'm winding myself up even more by MNing this!!

OP posts:
ubik · 04/06/2013 14:11

he's 8

he doesn't need to be supervised every minute of the day

he knows not to do it again. he's a good boy so he won't do it again.

TheChaoGoesMu · 04/06/2013 14:15

Our school has one or two teachers on the only gate going into the school and two in the playground. Children can be dropped off at 8.30 at the gate and the teachers make sure no children come out again. Parents are told to leave straight after dropping off to make sure the area is not crowded and the teachers can see what is happening. If I dropped my dc off and the school didn't notice and stop them from leaving after I had done that, I would be very pissed off with them. If your school operates a similar policy then you have every right to be pissed off too.

FannyFifer · 04/06/2013 14:19

I had a chat with DS in Primary 1 that he must never ever leave the school playground.
If he wanted to he could just wander off, there is no one manning the gates.

Lesson learned, just tell him to never do that again no matter what.

1969Sarah · 04/06/2013 15:01

Unless your school have stated that it is parent's responsibility to supervise children until X time then you have every right to be furious. I would be. If you dropped him safely after the time which the school accept responsibility for them then they have failed in their duty to keep him safe.

OrmirianResurgam · 04/06/2013 15:14

"Children aren't allowed out of the school gates at all. At the end of the day they have to have an adult collecting them. They are not allowed to walk home unaccompanied"

Now THAT would piss me off! Not allowed to walk home unaccompanied? Both my older 2 kids walked home alone from middle of year 5 quite regularly.

Tanith · 04/06/2013 16:04

I remember doing this with my friend once. We were 6 or 7 and we knew very well what we were doing.

We were marched straight back to school and the dressing down we got from the headmistress was only bettered by our mums, who were absolutely furious with us. We never, ever did it again.

I don't think anyone ever dreamed of blaming the school - and there was no supervision in the playground or security guard then.

At 8 years old, I think your son should have known better and I'd be reading the riot act to him, not the school.

soapboxqueen · 04/06/2013 17:03

I think you need to find out at what time the school accepts responsibility for the children. A guard or teacher in the yard does not mean that they have accepted responsibility at that time. It could be that the guard is there only to stop unwanted types coming in and the teacher to solve any issues with friendship groups etc. You may need to see their policy on this or it maybe in their prospectus or parent's handbook.

If the school admit that at that time they had responsibility, I would be cross. I would be cross at my child too though. If at that time they do not have responsibility, then I would ask them to inform all parents in the next news letter.

We have to remind parents regularly that a child being left on the yard is still their parents responsibly until 8:45. Sometimes the children from our breakfast club play games on the yard so obviously staff are present but they are there only for the breakfast club children not anyone else.

Original poster
Virgil · 04/06/2013 18:14

OrmirianResurgam but he isn't Middle of Year 5 he is year 3 and one of the youngest being only just eight. School policy is that they have to have an adult or older sibling from the senior school (on the same campus) collect them. Its not a catchment based school and very few people live within walking distance anyway (and if they do it's over a dual carriageway).

Anyway I have spoken to the Head who understood my concerns and is looking at ways to address security. I was also grabbed when collecting DS2 by the parent who found him on the street, a teaching assistant at DS2's school who tried to help DS1 find DH and also the Head there to express their concern that he had been able to leave the school site. Apparently DS1 was very distressed having realised very quickly from everyone's reactions at finding him on the street that he had made the wrong decision.

DS1 has said it was all his fault but he thought he would get into trouble for not having all his things and so decided it was better to leave school to go and get them. Which clearly goes to show that he is too young to take responsibility for himself and needs to be supervised by an adult!

OP posts:
redskyatnight · 04/06/2013 19:21

This must be down to the area I think. Congestion round DS's school is so bad that it's very common for parents to drop their DC off a few minutes walk away and let them walk the rest in by themselves (and vice versa in the afternoon). My DD will be doing that when she starts there in September. At the start of Y3 when she will be 7 (OK she will be with her older brother but he is only 9). I'd be extremely annoyed if school refused to let her out on her own.

zingally · 04/06/2013 19:29

Schools have no legal responsibility for the children before the scheduled start time (around 8:55, 9am at most), whatever "procedure" is for depositing children in the playground.

Frankly, I'd expect an 8 year old to have more sense, and certainly the sense to return to his school as soon as he discovered dad was no longer at the car.

School will be apologetic, but not concerned enough to do anything different/extra.

Also, school probably wouldn't have realised he wasn't there, if he hadn't been seen by the class teacher. If he never made it into the building, how would the class teacher know he'd got to the playground or not? Plus, whatever member of staff is on duty is watching the juniors more to make sure that they are behaving sensibly, not watching the gate for potential "runners". That's a reception class trick, not Year 3/4.
It's your son that needs the rollicking, not the school

LynetteScavo · 04/06/2013 19:32

You were right to be cross.

Anyway I have spoken to the Head who understood my concerns and is looking at ways to address security. Good.

Children this age are meant to be sensible, are they?

zingally · 04/06/2013 19:34

"Which clearly goes to show that he is too young to take responsibility for himself and needs to be supervised by an adult!"

Yes. Your husband. Not the school. Even if that means holding the kid in the car a few extra minutes, than letting him loose in the playground where there isn't the supervision your son needs.

I suspect though, this was a one-off and your son won't do it again.