The school is constantly mithering me for money

[colditz]

Money for shitty ineffective swimming lessons that, in 6 years, have not taught my son to even float. Money for mandatory trips a a factory, or a cricket field. Money for dressing up charity events. I am sick of them asking me for money and then pressuring my children when I can't pay!

Where do I stand legally with this? Do I have to keep paying for everything they are asking me to pay for?

glam71 - I would point out to them that they said it was a voluntary contribution and add that it is not voluntary if you are being harassed to pay it.

I can afford to pay but usually don't because they are all to places i take my dc anyway.

Blieskies, yes just one but i know if i have more then costs increase. Its not rockef science and every parent is in control of the number of children they have. Choose to have a large family then accept the costs just like other choices in life.

Sparklymommy
not to have one over you, but my DS3's residential in Oct is £180.
of course we paid, these trips are well worth the money actually, but we have 6 kids.

the asking for money is endless.

few years ago PTA chair stole over 2 grand, (summer fair money plus some other things) and that did it.

I'd had enough & now refuse to pay anything voluntary/ or by cash.
no bottles for tombola, no cakes for cake sale, no stupid "artwork",nada.
maybe mufti, but not always.

we help by donating our time instead.
job done, no guilt

happymummy, that's exactly the point, when people decide on the number of children they would like to have, they count on free education, only to discover too late that this is not actually the case.

Plus sometimes children come unannounced, and sometimes they arrive in pairs or bunches of three :-)

Happy..hmm.. I went from one to three with unexpectadly having dt's.

I'm sure there are other reasons too why people end up with larger families than they anticipated. That aside, I still think that schools take it for granted that they can keep asking and pushing.

Going in to 'see the head to discuss difficulties paying' is all very well but a tad humiliating which is an awful position to put people in

Has anyone mentioned the emotional blackmail associated with book fairs yet?

I am a teacher and I agree with you. It is really hard because we are pressured to find off site educational experiences for our pupils (and they really are invaluable) but I feel guilty because of how expensive everything is. Especially for parents with more than one child.

"Going in to 'see the head to discuss difficulties paying' is all very well but a tad humiliating which is an awful position to put people in"

Of course it is. But is that a good reason for nobody getting to go on a trip?

I was a teacher,9 years ago I left and strangely back then we didn't ask for half that schools do now or for so many £££££.

I can't believe the difference.

School swimming seems to be one of the things we don't have to pay for at the dcs school. I'm not sure why we don't, but it does seem to be 'free' for all year 4s, 5s and 6s. We do have to pay for everything else. We have stopped recorders now as two of them doing it adds up and dd1 wasn't keen anymore. The worst one I remember was a sale of art day, and I got the opportunity to purchase a picture that dd1 had drawn. Cost of picture plus frame was £8!!! I had to buy it as dd thought I didn't like it when I said we didn't really need to buy it. I've never forgotten that. As others have said, countless dress up days, cake sales, auction of promises (can't stand them). It does go on and on. The only time I ever didn't pay a voluntary contribution of £5 (because it was a real bloody cheek what they were asking for and why), I received a text message the night before telling me that I still hadn't paid! Went into school the next day and paid the fiver. Was pissed off though, as we were lead to believe that it was a no cost activity.

Well as has been pointed out some (many?) people are in serious hardship atm.

So er, possibly yes I think that is a good reason to rein things in regarding expected extras. Trips seem to be getting more expensive and ambitious from an earlier age, much more so than they used to be.

What's more they're presented as a fait accompli to children who trot home assuming they have to go and the school assumes they will indeed be going, because 'it's part of our topic work' or bonding together or whatever and then then the worry of it is laid firmly at the parents door. Who would want their dc to be left out given that much peer pressure to be there? I bet many people struggle quietly to pay rather than go cap in hand to explain themselves.

Nice though it was I can't really see the essential educational side of a week away at 11. But it's not just trips, on and on it goes with 1001 other asks and in the end, for some it become too much.

I agree chewing it does seem to be getting silly now. Dd1 went on a one night residential in year 3 and it was £100. Apparently there is a two night one in year 5 and it's £200. I'm dreading it to be honest, as that will be when dd2 has to do the one night residential as well. That's £300 to find, which I think is a lot of money on top of everything else. I dread looking in the book bags now! I have a feeling there will be a French exchange at some point in the near future too. I worry that posters on here say that secondary is worse

happymummy - parents are in charge of how many children they have? Dont be silly, contraception fails, 97% effective means 3% of the time getting 100% pregnant. What are parents supposed to do? Terminate or throttle at birth because they cant afford the school trips for more than one?

Even if parents are able to plan their families they cant plan their futures down to the nth degree. Things happen, jobs get lost, overtime gets cut. Life throws a curve ball.

There are far too many trips which fall into the 'experience' or 'treat' category. Children's lives are not blighted by schools not offering residential trips, theme park trips and the like.

"Children shouldn't suffer if parents can't afford to pay/choose not to pay..."

What are we teaching our children though? If I can't afford it, my kids can't go. End of Story. We can't all afford everything in life. We can't always make sure our children are never disappointed.

I went to school in NZ, and if we didn't pay, we didn't go. I remember in 7th form/year12, we had to go on a geography trip as part of the curriculum. My uptight mother REFUSED to let me go. My teacher delicately asked if it was a financial reason, but it wasn't, just that I would be out of her clutches for a week.

I got over it, and, let's see, 22 years later, it makes not one jot of difference that I didn't go on the trip.

I've just ignored letters from school for fundraising/book fairs etc... for my DS1 school. I'm not falling for it and opening my wallet everytime they ask. For some things, yes, but not all things.

Charity things annoy me the most. £1 here, £2 there, it all adds up. And there is such pressure from your DC because they want to buy the red nose, or the cakes, or whatever, and you feel so mean if they can't. And yes paying for the "privilege" of dressing up just adds insult to injury. I don't mind paying for swimming lessons, educational trips and the like, but I can't stand emotional blackmail.

yy gaelica you've hit the nail on the head, it's the emotional blackmail that pisses me off the most.
good post

ihategeorgeosborne Everyone's experience regarding secondary will be different I guess, but if it's a small ray of hope, for us (so far at least, and we've got to yr10) I've not found it to be anywhere nearly as bad or relentless as primary (relief)

Yes, there are trips and they can be v £ and curiously sometimes nothing whatsoever to do with schoolwork making me wonder if there's a branch of Thomas Cook somewhere on the premises. But the place is sufficiently big enough for it not to be noticable who has or hasn't gone, no pressure is put on us about it and very often they are in school holiday time. So far so good anyway. Oh and no dressing up either, or asking for money every week for this that and the other. Bliss

I wonder how they do it really because the primary school give every indication that in order to do the job they need our input at every level all the time

How do people think they extra curricular things that children enjoy doing- like trips, visitors to the school, plays and so on are paid for?

It's sad to see this reaction to schools doing things that our children enjoy and benefit from.

I appreciate that for some families, it is a struggle to find the money, but I'd have thought that these families are in the minority, and their time of real hardship is unlikely to last throughout their child's entire education.

If we are going to have children, we should be able to pay for them to do things.

Asking parents to contribute to experiences for their child isn't really much to ask. No one ever had a baby and expected to be provided everything they need for free, so why do parents act surprised when they have to pay for stuff for their own children?

it is one thing asking for money for trips, quite another demanding £3 for a timetabled history lesson and then humiliate the kid in front of the class by telling him loudly that him not bringing in the money was not fair on the others. yes this really happened in year 4.

Thanks Chewing that's a relief Seeker and Clouds I'm happy to pay for trips and visitors to the school, school plays, performances, etc. What I do find really tedious is the constant cakes sales, mufti days, the odd £3 for this and that. It does seem to be relentless. We are ok money wise, but I do have to constantly monitor the bank account to check that certain cheques for school have cleared. I think the problem is that it comes on top of massive price hikes for everything else. I have to say, we are really not feeling well off at the moment. It must be awful for families with less.

Our school only charges for KS1 swimming, as it is compulsory for KS2 to attend swimming lessons.

The other requests are pretty relentless: £2 for cookery club, £1 for comic relief, £1 plus a book for world book day... It does annoy me, but I end up grumbling but paying, as I agree that the extra activities are good for them to do, and we are lucky to be able to afford it.

The only thing I "boycott" is the "voluntary" termly payment of £10 that has to be returned in an envelope with children's names on (so they know who has paid) and doesn't get spent on anything direct, it just goes into the general school costs (eg for soap...).

Agree burberry, there was an incident at our school where the dcs had to take money in for some art materials. A couple of the children hadn't taken it in and their names were read out from a list in front of the class and they were told they couldn't partake in the activity if their parent's didn't pay. I think that must have been really upsetting for the children in question.

So complain about crap teachers screwing up- don't complain about schools trying to provide interesting and fun things for your children.