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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Intimidating teacher

38 replies

CovMum · 27/11/2012 09:38

My DD has self-esteem issues and has no confidence. She is a good girl and is doing great at school. She is in year 5 and has had no major issues so far.

One of the year 6 teachers runs the choir that my DD has recently joined. At the first performance my DD put on a small amount of make-up with my consent. It was not over the top as I would not have let her out like that. We arrived at the performance and she went over to the teacher. She immediately told her off for wearing the make-up. If we had been told no make-up I would not have let her wear it. From where I was sitting I could not see what was said but could immediately see her body language had changed. It was not in school time.

My DD and a friend were asked to do a job for another teacher they said they had choir practice that day and the teacher said she would notify choir teacher they would not be there. Other teacher didn't do this and they both got into trouble for not attending. She would not let them explain.

I was at a school assembly on Friday. My baby niece was there. My DD adores her cousin and turned round to look at her. The year 6 teacher immediately left her seat and towered over my DD. Afterwards she said to me that he teacher had said to her "Who do you think you are? Do you think you are better than anyone else?". DD's body language changed dramatically straight away.

She now wants to leave her beloved choir because of this teacher. I want to go in and complain but don't know what to say. There is a chance DD may get this teacher next year so she doesn't want me to make things worse. She has a reputation as a bully.

Any advice appreciated.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

learnandsay · 27/11/2012 09:41

Why now start with, dear teacher, why are you such a bullying cow?

Original poster

CovMum · 27/11/2012 09:47

Thanks learnandsay. She is a proper cow she thinks she runs the place I think.

OP posts:

learnandsay · 27/11/2012 09:53

Sounds like she needs a man. She doesn't have a hairy chin does she?

GooseyLoosey · 27/11/2012 10:00

Ds, also in yr 5, has a situation a bit like this and my first instinct was to go into school and complain. Ds was not at keen on this and it made me sit back and think what we wanted to achieve.

In ds's case the teacher takes him for one of the subjects he loves best so it is important that they can have a relationship.

In the end ds and I talked about how he thought he could win this teacher over and what her expectations were. We also spoke to his class teacher, not to complain, but to say that we thought there was a problem with his relationship with this teacher and what could we do to manage it.

We thought that if we went for head on confrontation things would get worse, and on the whole, so far, I am happy with the approach we have taken.

PastSellByDate · 27/11/2012 17:54

This is incredibly difficult. She's clearly fierce and has an acid tongue - but maybe through years of experience she found brooking no oposition gets her what she wants from the kids (not my personal style - but I can see why some teacher's opt for role of ogre).

I think the question to ask yourself is this a battle you can ever win?

Odds are no?

Is complaining going to achieve anything? No.

So the decision really is your DDs. Does she want to tolerate the 'ogre' to enjoy the singing?

This can be turned into a life lesson thing. It really is for only 5 terms more basically - can she put up with grumpy teacher who shouts a bit if in the long term it means she can enjoy her singing.

If, on the other hand, you feel your daughter is being particularly singled out - then you do have grounds for complaint to the Head.

What I will say is most school prospectuses or policy sections of websites make it clear in primary that no makeup is allowed. As the choir rehearsal was a school event - I rather fear the teacher may have felt that your daughter had broken the rules.

HTH

clam · 27/11/2012 18:56

You sent your Yr 5 child to a school performance wearing makeup?!!

I know you didn't ask this but YABU.

flutterby123 · 27/11/2012 19:04

I'm sorry, but I felt I have to express a different opinion to clam when reading this. Had you repeatedly sent your daughter to school wearing makeup and it is against school rules then yes, she should be reprimanded. BUT this was outwith school hours and was 'a small amount' and was done to help the child feel more confident (confidence having been dented by teacher) and I assume it was the first time it had happened. The teacher saying 'what's that your wearing? You do know it's against the rules, I don't expect to see you with make-up on again' would have sufficed.
If I were you I'd go and speak to the head teacher. Let him/ her know how you feel, many parents would go into school to 'complain' about much less. As it is the way the teacher is behaving/ making your daughter feel is having a detrimental effect on her so it is an issue the school needs to be made aware of. As for the incident that happened during the assembly then other staff members would probably have seen this, so the head is probably aware of it already.

Feenie · 27/11/2012 19:19

Wearing make up at a school event in Y5 is not appropriate.

this would have to be explained to anyone.

Feenie · 27/11/2012 19:20

That should have read 'I am amazed that this would have to be explained to anyone', but phone ate it.

mrz · 27/11/2012 19:25

I could be that teacher except I can't sing

clam · 27/11/2012 19:25

"was done to help the child feel more confident"

Really?!

Outside school hours is irrelevant; it was a school event. But personally I would raise an eyebrow at anyone who would apply makeup to a 9 or 10 year old in order to boost their confidence, school function or any other kind. What kind of message is that sending to an impressionable child for God's sake?

clam · 27/11/2012 19:28

And if this child has suffered self-esteem issues and has no confidence, I hardly think it can be blamed on the Year 6 teacher when she is only in Year 5 and "has had no major issues so far."

clam · 27/11/2012 19:29

"If we had been told no make-up I would not have let her wear it."

You had to be told?

flutterby123 · 27/11/2012 19:48

I feel I need to write in support of the OP. Yes, everyone has different views on children and make up. As someone working in a school I know that many children come to evening concerts with glitter/ eyeshadow/ lip gloss on. In other schools no-one would dream of sending their children to a school event with make-up on, but it does differ between schools. I also feel that the OP was somewhat at the end of her tether and willing to try anything in order for the child to perform with the choir, in the hope of building some self-confidence over time. I'll not write any more on this thread but will reiterate my earlier advice of going in to the school to talk to the headteacher/ class teacher about the issues. Good luck x

clam · 27/11/2012 20:01

"I also feel that the OP was somewhat at the end of her tether and willing to try anything in order for the child to perform with the choir"

Where does it say that this was the end of a long battle re: performing with the choir and that she was at the end of her tether? She said that her dd had recently joined the choir and that this was her first performance.

rainbowinthesky · 27/11/2012 21:11

It's incredibly sad that at the tender age of Y5 there is felt a need to put make up on girls to boost their confidence. What message are we sending out to children? As for the comment about the teacher needing a man???!!

juniper904 · 27/11/2012 21:23

Sounds like she needs a man. She doesn't have a hairy chin does she?

Fucking hell. Are you serious?!

BobblyGussets · 27/11/2012 21:27

mrz, come back, I want to hear more from you; both sides, so to speak.

OP, if I was you, I would wizz to school as fast as if I was on wheels like the Welsh witch from Chorlton and the Wheelies. I would puff myself up, look the teach in the eye and say, "Ms XXX, my daughter is a 10 year old child. It is not appropriate to speak to her in this way. Please stop this". Give the examples, repeat back what you have been told. "Who do you think you are? Do you think you are better than anyone else?" is beyond the proper comprehension of lots of 10 year olds. Especially for just turning around in the seat. It won't help discipline, it will only frighten and confuse her. Tell the teacher, "you are frightening her. I will have to speak to the head if this continues". ake the teacher see you and understand that you will stand up for your daughter.

Just a note of caution. Make sure your DD is telling the absolute truth and that she has not, in anyway, gotten the embroidery thread out.

Most of my DSs' teacher are great, but your OP reminded me of my infant school days 35 years ago. I went to an absolutely horrible Catholic school, with a lots of bitter old witches as teachers. They may have called themselves catholic, but they certainly weren't christian in their behaviour towards the children. That thing you described of being told off for something that wasn't the fault of your child and not being allowed to explain put me right back in that horrible place. It wasn't just tellings off we used to get. They used to smack us. Anyway, I digress.

BobblyGussets · 27/11/2012 21:28

BTW, sorry OP, but makeup on a 10 year old: tres tacky. Best of luck with dealing with the awful teacher though.

Whistlingwaves · 27/11/2012 21:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrz · 27/11/2012 21:35

what do you want to hear BobblyGussets ...not my singing?

BobblyGussets · 27/11/2012 21:42

Gizza song then mrz.

No, I really meant the other side of the story, from someone who is a stern teacher type.

mrz · 27/11/2012 22:01

I was joking Bobbly ... but I can't sing

Haberdashery · 27/11/2012 22:01

Sounds like she needs a man. She doesn't have a hairy chin does she?

WTF? Are you completely deranged?

clam · 27/11/2012 22:15

If I were you, OP, I would check very carefully what this teacher actually did say, because it doesn't quite make sense what your dd has reported. Why would turning around to wave at a younger child elicit the remark "do you think you're better than anyone else?" It doesn't make sense.

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