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Primary education

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Original poster

Teaching assistant said 4 year old DD is sometimes "vacant"

55 replies

MrsCantSayAnything · 30/10/2012 20:04

And it's annoyed me because I don't know a child who is LESS vacant than DD.

I'm not naive...I have an older DD who is prone to daydreaming....and at one point was assessed for ASD.

I know the signs.

I feel angry because this teaching assistant said that DD goes vacant when asked to do something like number work or any "proper" work.... then said (during parent's evening) "Yes and Mrs X also agreed with me didn't she?" and turned to DDs teacher to confirm this.

The teacher nodded and said "It's not that she's being naughty though...or deliberately provocotive, it's just that she's 4 and would rather play."

What were they getting at? Am I being overly defensive? I just don't think it's a very nice word to use for a 4 year old who is bright, chatty, sociable and articulate.

At pre school she was known for her sociability and her sense of humour

OP posts:
Pretzelsmakemethirsty · 30/10/2012 22:37

That's right - you should be able to speak your mind...but, the truth of the matter is that even a whisper of discontent from a parent runs through a school like wild-fire! You either have to just be very thick-skinned, tenacious and assertive in these matters, so that you can see that your point gets across, or be as diplomatic as possible. I tend to go with the 'diplomatic' approach...

Original poster
MrsCantSayAnything · 30/10/2012 22:38

It's so annoying....I know they are busy but DD told me this evening that this teacher keeps getting one child's name wrong! That pissed me off.

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Original poster
MrsCantSayAnything · 30/10/2012 22:40

I needed DH there as he is just that Pretzel he always gets his point across without emotion...I go red and get upset.

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Original poster
MrsCantSayAnything · 30/10/2012 22:40

Lucy after the TA said that about her being vacant, I tuned her out a bit tbh.

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auntevil · 30/10/2012 22:42

Is your DD in nursery or reception?
Even in reception, our school only has a couple of short - 10 minute - structured sessions in the entire school day. So calling a child over to 'do some numbers' is hardly inhibiting much of their self initiated play.
As far as the word vacant goes, I would rather hear that than wilful.
Perhaps their only concern was that for a "bright, chatty, sociable and articulate" child, this aspect of her character disappears when asked to do something by an adult?

Pretzelsmakemethirsty · 30/10/2012 22:42

Yep, I tend to get too worked up too...that is why I try to approach it in a diplomatic way, so that I can keep my cool and find out what is going on, in the process... Definitely bring DH with you - it is funny how meetings sometimes change when a second party is there. Let us know how it goes. Good Luck!

Original poster
MrsCantSayAnything · 30/10/2012 22:43

Auntevil well it certainly never disapeared at preschool!

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ilikenoodles · 30/10/2012 22:45

I think she sounds fine...."vacant" not a great choice of word though Confused

Original poster
MrsCantSayAnything · 30/10/2012 22:50

I know! I'm more and more annoyed!

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LucyBorgia · 30/10/2012 22:52

Don't worry. Your dd sounds fine and you should know. You probably zoned in on the idiotic ill thought through comment. Go back to the teacher and tell her the comment unsettled you, it might teach the ta a lesson about causing parents distress if nothing else.

Original poster
MrsCantSayAnything · 30/10/2012 22:53

I will...I'll go in in the morning and ask for ten mins after school. I will try to remain calm. Thank for helping me everyone. It's nice to be able to ask and rant a bit.

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auntevil · 30/10/2012 22:57

I asked about whether it was reception or nursery as it would affect my judgement.
If a just 4 year old in nursery, with little experience of 'school' and other adults making requests often went 'vacant' when asked to do something, it would be less concerning than a child who was 4/5 in reception, and heading off to National Curriculum next year.

auntevil · 30/10/2012 22:59

Lucy how would you have phrased the comment, or how would you have broached the subject?

Original poster
MrsCantSayAnything · 30/10/2012 23:22

Its reception auntevil....I think it wasn't so much the comment...but the fact that the TA said it, then affirmed that she'd asked another TA what she thought and she agreed.

"She's a bit vacant at times...and I said as much to Mrs X didn't I Mrs Y? Yes..and Mrs X agreed"

Almost giving me no room to challenge or inquire. I felt slightly attacked almost...with the negativity.

OP posts:
auntevil · 30/10/2012 23:31

Is your DD's key worker the TA or the teacher?
It may have been that the TA felt vulnerable talking to you and thought, however mistakenly, that if what she said was corroborated by another member of staff that it would hold more gravitas with you?

Pretzelsmakemethirsty · 30/10/2012 23:33

auntevil's probably right about why the TA felt that she had to have her opinion corroborated...

Original poster
MrsCantSayAnything · 30/10/2012 23:54

I don't know who her keyworker is! How bad is that! I assumed they didn't get one in reception because nobody had told me!

I don't know why she'd feel vulnerable...I'd literally just sat down and she came out with it..

OP posts:
gfrnn · 31/10/2012 00:00

vacant = more interested in her own thoughts than a teaching assistant who has nothing positive to say? maybe she just has good taste...

Original poster
MrsCantSayAnything · 31/10/2012 00:01

I know. Maybe I'll tell them that! Grin

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Feckbox · 31/10/2012 00:03

I think you are over thinking it

Original poster
MrsCantSayAnything · 31/10/2012 00:04

well that's helpful. Not worth coming on with a statement like that really.

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Feckbox · 31/10/2012 00:12

Your reaction confirms it. I was being perfectly helpful, reassuring , but you chose to see it as otherwise.

mluddy · 31/10/2012 00:41

I think in the nicest possible way that feckbox is right. Only because we went through the same as you. Don't take one person's word as gospel. Because all sorts of nonsense will be spouted about your dc over the years by people who've spent minimal time with them. We had similar first parent's evening. Only to find out teacher hadn't bothered to have a single one to one conversation with our dc in 8 weeks. Spouted a load of worrying things - which all turned out to be utter nonsense. You know your dd. Hopefully you'll have a similar experience to us - year 1 teacher a lot better. It's very worrying though I know.

mrz · 31/10/2012 07:38

"What were they getting at?"

They were trying to tell you that your daughter ignores the request to go and take part in adult led activities she would rather keep on playing. "Am I being overly defensive?" Yes

madamehooch · 31/10/2012 08:26

TBH, you seem almost as bothered that the word 'vacant' was used by a teaching assistant. Would it have had more gravitas with you if it had been used by the teacher?