Reading - a bit ashamed of myself - am I completely wrong?

[albachiara]

My DS (almost 8yo) is an ok reader, I guess, but I would expect better (I think I'm comparing him to his sister at the same age, and her reading age was probably 3 years above his - she loved reading, writing, pleasing the teacher, etc etc).

I read to him, we have lots of books in the house, we go to the library where he's free to choose the books that he likes (usually either comics, or books with lots of colourful pictures). I don't mind his choice of books, I think he needs to read books that he enjoys, as long as he reads something, I'm happy.

However, I also try to read with him a few times a week (they don't bring home any reading books from school anymore, which is not bad, so I can pick what I want... ). However, when he reads to me, he makes lots of mistakes such as:

1. skipping little words, or not reading the "s" at the end of words
2. adding words that are not in the text (for ex: reading "wake up" instead of just "wake"
3. reading a word instead of another (for ex: saying "for" instead of "of")
4. reading "Mrs" miss or mister

He can decode words and read more difficult words, for ex: measurements, bulletin, but at the same time, he still makes the above mistakes.

So, today I lost it!!! Whenever he read "of" instead of "for", for ex., I made him write "of" 10 times, and "for" 10 times, same with Mr and Mrs, or when he added a word or missed a word (these are usually short words, so he was lucky!) We had to do this for 4 times on the first page, but then he read 4 more pages with no mistakes (or he made mistakes, but he corrected them).

I think this shows that he's careless, and lazy. Is my approach wrong? I don't really believe in dislexia, and I got his eyes checked. I do think he doesn't really care if he makes mistakes, unless there are consequences.

I also yelled at him, which was wrong, but I had lost my patience by then. I did praise him when he read 4 pages with no mistakes, though. I told him that from now on he will have to read with me and we will follow the same strategy (writing the misread words).

Oh, I also test him about comprehension, and if he doesn't know the answer, I ask him to re-read the page to find the answer. His strategy would be to look at me, and wait for me to hint what the answer would be.

I know this will not make him love reading, but I am afraid that if he doesn't practise he will never be a fluent reader, and he will never enjoy reading because it will always be too hard for him.

Am I a bad mother?

sounds like you haven't made your peace with where he is now? I think you have to accept that fully before you can carry out these strategies - if done as punishment, they aren't really strategies at all - I think that's the problem.

I know this is easier said than done, and if your first child had no issues then you won't have seen it coming.

you sound like you've got the ability to take this and learn from it, good luck!

I think that OP is absolutely right to be worried about her son's inaccurate reading. Left to itself it will only get worse as it looks as though the school isn't picking up on it. They probably think that 'as long as he gets the meaning' it is OK. But it isn't. It is no more difficult in the long run to read accurately that it is to read inaccurately (like all bad habits, it initially takes a bit of hard work to overcome it)

I'd suggest that OP plays a very simple game with him when reading. For every sentence he reads correctly, he gets a point. For every inaccuracy (apart from genuine difficulty with decoding a word) OP gets a point. No contest, child usually wins hands down! Reward in whatever way you think is suitable.

I think it extraordinary that an author's craft should be disregarded, even belittled, with a 'so long as they get the drift it's OK' attitude. Why should an author (obviously I'm talking about good authors here) put a lot of time and trouble into crafting what they write just for the readers to disregard their carefully chosen words, phrases etc. and make it up as they go along. I find this particularly irrational in the forcing children to 'love books' lobby!

I don't think OP's son is dyslexic at all, just poorly taught. And I don't have a lot of time for 'dyslexia' either.

Op, I think that books may not be the ideal star.chart prize in terms of motivation if your Ds isn't a keen reader... The star chart worked with my Ds because he really wanted the prize (it happened to be a tenner's worth of rocks from the geology store. He had to get 100 stars for it, so it wasn't instant but it really motivated him to take care with his reading, for a change.

I'm not a teacher or have any professional experience in this field, but I would ask whether or not his understands what he is reading? If he does, does it matter if he misses it out some words or not? I speed read everything, unless I need to go into the detail, I enjoy reading and once I get going I whizz through books. I cannot stand reading slowly every single word.

Maybe your son is like this, the important thing is that he enjoys his reading, you are in danger of making it a chore for him.

Also speed reading is really useful when he is studying for himself and also when he starts working, professionally its actually a really good skill to have.

You're not a bad mother, I have at times to remind myself to calm down and back off when DS1 is messing about with his homework. Remember what the ultimate goal is, not to turn him off reading.

I don't think the OPs son is dyslexic either just careless. He isn't looking carefully at what he's reading, which I agree is annoying when you know he's quite capable of reading accurately when takes more care.
If he is substituting of when the word is for then he clearly isn't understanding that it can change the whole meaning of a text. So yes it matters whether he misses out words (they might be important for the meaning) it is important that he reads the words on the page not substitute (it can change the meaning) and it is important that he doesn't add words that aren't there ( it will change the meaning)

If he is reading books above his level he may not be comprehending it, thus not self correctin of/for etc.

Can you find any easy reading non fiction that interests him to read? Easier fiction can be babyish, but non-f can be simple and appealing.

Read more often, menus, signs, leaflets etc.

thanks to everybody for suggestions and for being understanding (well, most of you... now I can better understand how my son feels when I yell at him, after some of you have shouted at me! )

Quip, I was joking when I suggested a book! I don't really like to use star charts as motivation (although we did use one with my daughter when she was 3 and she didn't want to say Hello or Thank you to people because she was too shy -or just rude, you might say, and it worked very well). I think I will use a star chart, but for me: I will tell my son that he has to decide, after reading to me, if I deserve a star and a hug for not losing my patience. And I will play the points game suggested by maizieD. And the game (suggested by somebody else earlier in the thread) where I read and he has to spot my mistakes (one point for him for every mistake he notices, one point for me for every mistake he doesn't notice).

I am a bit relieved today because, although yesterday's reading session was unpleasant, he got a comic book from the library (the childminder brought him there, not me) and he was reading it in the car on the way home from the childminder.

I think, as many of you have suggested, that I correlate early reading skills with academic skills later on in life, and with success in life in general. This is really silly, I know.

MilkRunningOutAgain - what you went through (leaving it to the school and then realise that it wasn't a good decision) is exactly my worry. I think he needs the extra attention and practice. I have to say he's fairly compliant, as long as I keep each session short.

Thanks again!

Thanks mrz! I was waiting for your point of view. I am glad that somebody thinks that it's not perfection that I want, but paying attention. It's probably true that he doesn't understand the meaning, but, again, I think it's because he is not even trying to. The book that I choose are quite simple, really (e.g., Flat Stanley). If he reads some Star Wars book, he gets the meaning because he is interested in it, but if I ask him to read a book that I have chosen, he reads very superficially. We have read all the easy reader Star Wars books from the library, so now I'm choosing something else.

Jenny70 - yes, I think I have to use any opportunity to let him read (signs, train stations, etc) - although this means telling his sister to shut up and be patient!

BTW one of the proudest days of my life was when I had to tell my dyslexic (properly diagnosed) son to stop reading because we had to go to school.

The library is a great place, you could look for the Paul Jenning's books of short stories, they are often only a couple of pages long but really interesting. Maybe your son doesn't like Flat Stanley, so try Mr Gum (I don't get them but my DD likes them), or even fact books, or poetry (my son liked poetry as there were fewer words). The ones where you choose your own path are also good, as you have to pay attention to the meaning to make a choice.

Paul Jenning's also wrote a useful book for adults about getting kids to read, it might be worth you looking at it.

Thank you for the suggestions, mummytime. I had a look at Paul Jenning on Amazon, and it looks good. You mentioned books where you choose your own path - which ones do you know?

Oh, by the way, I got my first star and hug this evening! And we played the games with the points for every mistake or every correct sentence. My DS loved the game where I made mistakes. He spotted 18 mistakes and missed 3. He was really paying attention to every little word. We both had fun, and I'm proud of myself now! Hopefully after a few weeks of this he will be trained to automatically pay attention.

and I'm proud of myself now! Hopefully after a few weeks of this he will be trained to automatically pay attention

And maybe you'll be proud of him too!

There are too many emotions wrapped in this - it's all about how you feel, him deciding if you deserve a hug, you wanting him to feel what you feel about reading etc

He is not you and his feelings are valid (not that you've once mentioned how he might be feeling).

Sad.

albachiara You deserve a Good Mum star for reading all this and coming up with a plan of action.

Thank you for the praise and the , HappyTurquoise! Yes, praise feels good. I will remember to use it more often!

This thread was very helpful. The replies gave me lots of suggestions. Some of the MNers told me off, which was good too. I do need to be more patient.

This evening, another good reading session! DS got gazillions of points, I got 2, which he didn't like giving away!

Another mistake I'll try to avoid is listening to his reading when I am too tired, or when I "need" the reading to be done efficiently and quickly, so that I can finish some chores around the house.

RaisinBoys, I would like to reassure you that I am proud of him, but not because he reads correctly if he pays attention, or because he knows his times tables, or because he didn't leave his lunch box at school today. I am proud of him because I'm his mum. He's such a caring boy, who cried when in "Little Miss Sunshine" the teenage boy discovers he's colourblind and can't be a pilot anymore, and who, when I found an i-phone on the ground, said "The person that lost it must be very sad", instead of thinking that he could have it. However, I do think I have to be a bit more "detached" when he makes mistakes in his reading, and handle it better, with not so many feelings.

Only just spotted this thread OP.
DS1 is 9 and was getting progressively worse at missing out/changing words. It used to frustrate me immensely. Some didn't change the meaning of the text, some did (can/can't always got me!)
DS1 is dyspraxic, and a huge % also turn out to be dyslexic. His reading problems, although recently dx as dyslexic too, stemmed primarily from tracking problems. He started by missing words, then rushed and missed lines. We have just started colour overlays on the words, and it has mage a huge difference. Tonight for example, he only skipped 1 word, and struggled with only a few words. I feel more relaxed listening to him too.
Fwiw, I would carry on with your plan and keep a watching eye. Bright children can be very good at masking activities that they find onerous or difficult.

Dyslexia does exist, i promise you.

You will make him hate reading and homework if you continue. Make the reading experience full of praise and positive. Apologise for being so hard on him but explain that you want him to do his best.

Then you need to find books that inspire him to read. Take him to the library and let him find funny books (captain underpants etc) that make him want to read more.

midseasonsale, that's all good advice, thank you. I have apologised. I have also tried to let go a bit. Luckily I have not ruined his interested in books too much... he still looks at books before he goes to bed. He chooses to do this on his own, and he chooses the books (I don't know if he reads the words, or if he just looks at the pictures - I don't mind either way, I'm just happy that he can get some enjoyment out of books).

The other day I was reading to him and I read a word instead of another (not on purpose) and he told me off. That was funny.

Oh, I learnt another interesting thing from all this. We played a game where I have to read and make deliberate mistakes and he has to spot them. So I have to think about misreading the words but still read the sentence fluently, otherwise the mistake is too easy to spot. Well, after reading a whole page making mistakes, I realised that I didn't actually absorbed any of the meaning of the story. I was concentrating so hard in making mistakes that I had paid no attention to the comprehension side of the text. I guess that's what happens to beginner readers. How can comprehension be improved? Would you suggest reading the same page/sentence twice, or more times? Or delay the comprehension side until the reading has got more fluent and automatic?

When I did some training on helping readers we were given the following guidelines: 90-96% accuracy (try this with a passage of 100 words and see his error rate) is instructional, so the level a child learning to read whould be working at. To build comprehension you might want to work on passages where the accuracy is 96-99% accurate. At 100% it could be too easy (and he might make mistakes out of boredom).
Re-reading can also be very useful. If I am studying a passage I will read it more than once. If I am reading out loud, I will have already read it, and probably rehearsed it. However we do tend to expect kids to read a passage perfectly "sight unseen".