My child went without food all day at school

[Frivolous]

My dc started school in reception, so is 4.
We have a turbulent time, settling him in. Various issues, that I don't wish to go into on a public forum.
My ds is fairly happy now, sociable and friendly with a getting on with it attitude. Some days he doesn't want to go, but he is fine once he is there.

One day last week, I discovered that ds had been without lunch. His lunchbox got damaged and his food was inedible. After school, I spoke to both teacher and TA and they said it was up to him to mention it. The damage happened first thing in the morning and I doubt he would realise the implications of the damage.
On the journey home, ds told me he hadn't had any snack either as there was none left. So he had had nothing to eat all day.

I am all for teaching responsibility, ds has lots of chores at home that others think i am mean to give him. He has lots of responsibility in school too: sorting coat, bag, pe kit, water bottle, lunch box, name badge before sitting down for registration.
Should a child fresh into school be expected to starve all day because they haven't put their hand up to draw attention to the problem?

I think most people have expressed surprise that the dinner supervisors haven't noticed as in most schools they help with packaging, yoghurts, drink cartons etc. Our's are very good at reporting exactly who hasn't eaten much lunch so parents can be informed and they would certainly ensure a child got something to eat if their packed lunch was inedible for any reason.
The OP needs to check with the school to see how he has been overlooked

Not the teacher's fault - if he didn't tell her then she probably had no reason to check his lunch.

The dinner ladies should have been taking an interest in making sure the Reception children had something to eat though. I would call/email just to make sure that this is actually what happened and they didn't give him a school dinner that day, and to highlight that something has gone wrong and he wasn't able to eat lunch.

I'm a midday supervisor and would definitely be expected to notice something like this.alot of kids would be embarrassed to say anything,bless him.I would definitely speak to school and ask why he wasn't offered a hot dinner.

I don't know what ratios are like elsewhere. When I did Dinner Supervision we adults each had to keep an eye on 50 children. Reception got extra time with their teachers before we took over, but otherwise it would be easy for some not to eat properly. The children are encouraged to ask for help.

I know it's very common for older children to barely eat. Kids who only eat a small chocolate bar, kids who swap food even though it's against the rules. On the other hand, children who spend the whole lunch hour poking but not eating their food & others who feel pressured to eat tonnes when they've been given too much. It's hard to find the right balance between pressuring or thinking "that's probably enough & You really need some fresh air" & being sure they gave an honest answer to the question "Did you eat lots, is your tummy full?" when you really don't have inclination or time to poke carefully in a messy lunchbox & try to figure out what's missing.

I suspect the dinner supervisor has seen a lunch box covered in yoghurt and thought he had finished lunch or she has realised and he's had some lunch just not HIS lunch.

Re chores - my 2 year old puts her clothes in wash basket, plate in sink, helps tidy up her toys and gets her own jamas. It doesn't hurt them.

Gosh, im back and see in my absence that IABU and IANBU! not that i posted on AIBU in the first place. Likewise, perhaps chat was a better topic.

Anyway, I will reiterate that I have never blamed the teacher or suggested he has gone all day without food. He had no food whilst at school and I would have hoped that someone (and if you want a definate answer, yes a lunchtime supervisor) would have noticed his plight.

As some others have pointed out, he is 4, and new into school and is learning that he needs to speak up or highlight a problem. So early into a school year I would expect that the reception children are over supervised, rather than under supervised. Allowing them to gain confidence and responsibility as the year goes on.
mrz perhaps you are right, perhaps the lunchtime supervisor glanced at his box and thought he had finished. However, I am disappointed that anyone could think the state of it was acceptable.

Someone (sorry not sure who) asked about lunchtime routine at the school, and I know there is rota meaning different classes go in first on different days. The lunch hall is not that large; perhaps 2 classes go at the same time. I dont think children are asked to show their lunchboxes to anyone and they can leave when they like as far as I am aware.

Ds has tried the school dinners and doesnt like them so that is not the answer.

Thanks for everyone's comments and he has gone today with yoghurt in a bag in his lunchbox!

I too would be surprised lunch time supervisor didn't notice. At my dd's school they are really careful with reception children. One day when my dd didn't eat much we had a note in her lunch box about it.

Hi,

I do not think the child should be leaft without food for the whole day. But my question Why your child did not tell it to his teacher? Have you think about this or discussed it with your son? I would worry if something happens with him in the school (toilet accident, bullying, any pain due to illness, etc...) he won't tell it to his teacher or at least to an adult and try to cope it with alone when there is somebody who can help him? Why? If he needs any help in the school in the future somehow he needs to tell it to his teacher? Otherwise how can you feel secure to leaving him in the school and think that he is well looked after until you are not there? I think that is not a good realtionship between your son and his teacher. Did you find out why?

Hope it never will happen with him again. All the best.

We have also had a chat about how he needs to tell teacher (or another adult within school) if there is a problem and if he does not feel brave enough to do so yet, that he should tell a friend who might be more prepared to speak up or go with him to talk to an adult.

At our school (I am a mid day supervisor) we have 3 MDS for 400 children on a rolling lunchtime - we can take 200 and as space becomes free we call in the next class etc....

we also have 3 outside supervising the others waiting / playing outside. 1 is allocated specifically to the 60 reception kids - the others help as and when they can.

now - the 3 inside have to deal with
carrying hot food to the table for some little ones,
helping to open lunchboxes,
getting kids to shut up/sit down/eat
opening stupid crappy yoghurt tubes,
putting the worst designed straw into the worst designed bloody drink box on earth - those stupid innocent smoothies,
opening baby bel cheese, (twenty flipping six of them first week back!! )
dealingwith the "I don't eat ham/jam/cheese/marmite" - when parents give the kids something they expect us to get them to eat, but they don't eat at home (WHY??)
cleaning up spills
cleaning up sick
cleaning up "accidents"
giving the little girl who fell of the bench (because she though it was a chair) a cuddle to calm her down
finding the 3 kids who need their medicine BEFORE their food and taking them to the office
taking the reception child to the toilet because "I NEEDS A POO NOW" and they can't wipe themselves yet
finding a spoon that fits the stupid little petit filous pot, mum won't send one because it gets lost... where do I find one - I have to go to the staff room - all takes time..
AND check that the kids have eaten something

We regularly get lunchboxes covered in yoghurt- usually because the child does not WANT to eat the contents (clever little things some of them) we rinse them off and salvage what we can.... we can't always get other food for the child - especially those with allergies. (or fussy ones).

So please.... If they have a problem with yoghurt getting on their stuff - drop the yoghurt from the lunchbox...

I guess you can see why sometimes - just sometimes.... someone falls through the net....

at babybels and stupid innocent juice boxes! Good to read what all the issues are Bytheway. It's not something I would have thought about but 26 babybels made me smile.