Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

My child went without food all day at school

62 replies

Frivolous · 14/10/2012 11:46

My dc started school in reception, so is 4.
We have a turbulent time, settling him in. Various issues, that I don't wish to go into on a public forum.
My ds is fairly happy now, sociable and friendly with a getting on with it attitude. Some days he doesn't want to go, but he is fine once he is there.

One day last week, I discovered that ds had been without lunch. His lunchbox got damaged and his food was inedible. After school, I spoke to both teacher and TA and they said it was up to him to mention it. The damage happened first thing in the morning and I doubt he would realise the implications of the damage.
On the journey home, ds told me he hadn't had any snack either as there was none left. So he had had nothing to eat all day.

I am all for teaching responsibility, ds has lots of chores at home that others think i am mean to give him. He has lots of responsibility in school too: sorting coat, bag, pe kit, water bottle, lunch box, name badge before sitting down for registration.
Should a child fresh into school be expected to starve all day because they haven't put their hand up to draw attention to the problem?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Inneedofbrandy · 14/10/2012 12:26

I agree with butthisismyname he is o ly 4 it's really awful he didn't eat anything all day I'm really surprised the lunchbox police didn't notice. If he had a tube of smarties in there they might of paid more attention.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 14/10/2012 12:27

I think yanbu. I have a reception child and the lunch staff are very good at overseeing the children and noticing if they've not eaten much, helping them out opening things etc. As you say, they notice a 'banned' lunchbox item at 100 paces. It's not on for a 4yr old to go without food all day.

I would mention this, and the fact that he had no snack, to his teacher in a friendly, nice way. And put yoghurts in a sandwich bag in future so if it bursts it doesn't ruin everything else.

izzywizzyisbizzy · 14/10/2012 12:27

My ds regularly starves all day - he often cones home with the entire contents of his lunchbox intact - he is too busy waiting to go to play - he then demolishes it in car because he is starving and won't eat tea.

I stripped his lunchbox right down to 2 quarters of a sandwich and gradually reintroduced things as he started eating what was there.

colditz · 14/10/2012 12:27

It's unfortunate, but unless he has a developmental delay which means he can't speak or otherwise communicate, then the onus is on him to do so.

One missed meal has not damaged him.

seeker · 14/10/2012 12:30

I think somebody should have noticed as well. But I hate the bosom hoiking "school is always in the wrong how very dare they deliberately victimise my child" approach of so many mumsnetters!

I am prepared to bet that if the OP was to talk to the school about it, they would be very sad that her son had missed his lunch.

Lonecatwithkitten · 14/10/2012 12:36

There is another explanation, the staff did see gave your son another lunch that he is not telling you about.
My DD came home from a school trip claiming she had had no lunch, the short version of the story is she did have the school provided pack lunch I had arranged, but was jealous of the other children's home packed lunch and choose to punish me by making me feel bad claiming no lunch. This was in year 1 she had never done anything similar before not since. The moment I said I was going to talk to the teacher she confessed everything.
I know it's not easy to consider this option, but it is possible with the age group.

WofflingOn · 14/10/2012 13:33

I'd say it was the responsibility of the MDS, ours are fantastic at monitoring, coaxing and encouraging the reception class to eat a substantial part of their lunch.
Yes, the onus is on him to say something, but he's four and not been in school very long.
Not teacher or TA though, we are for after a problem has been identified. I've had children finishing their lunch in the first lesson after lunch, but only because someone on duty flagged it up to me.

lljkk · 14/10/2012 14:07

I suppose if I were OP I'd chat with staff & my child about what went wrong, make sure that especially my son knew what to do if the problem arose again. If you find that there is no routine at school at all for checking children are eating & did eat, then fair enough you have a valid complaint. However...

I did dinner lady supply last week, children can't leave tables until they've shown off how much lunch they've eaten; the problem is your child would have showed off a messy lunchbox & not explained he didn't eat any of it. The reception children are settled down by teachers for several minutes who would usually notice if someone didn't have a proper lunch, BUT not necessarily if child was very quiet about their problem. It's too busy for Dinner ladies to check if each child is chewing, no system is foolproof.

cakebot · 14/10/2012 14:16

My son is 4 too, and came home from school saying he hadn't eaten anything all day as well. Now I'm the worst for fretting about him eating his lunch, but I highly doubt that he would have been able to get away with not having anything. I think it might be just something they say. Are you sure he meant he didn't have his packed lunch, but was given something else?

WofflingOn · 14/10/2012 14:35

One thing that might help is if he had a buddy to help him, someone from his class with more confidence and a willingness to point out if he needs something to staff.

izzywizzyisbizzy · 14/10/2012 14:53

I don't think it can be strictly true that it is checked that every reception child is eating something - because ds was def coming home without having touched anything at all in his lunch box on a regular basis.

He has been asking for hot dinners - but I am worried that we won't know at all if he hasn't eaten then - since went took his lunchbox back to literally a drink and 2 quarter sandwiches and built up from there - we can see he has gotten into the habit of eating.

I think it's a lot to expect children who have always been supervised - to suddenly be able to manage a whole lunch but they learn with time.

ImaginateMum · 14/10/2012 17:12

I would be interested to know their lunch processes. At our school the reception children have to show their lunch boxes to someone before they can leave the lunch hall. This is for exactly this kind of reason, and also so if they've been too shy to ask for things to be opened, etc, it gets picked up.

That said, we cannot make a child eat, so if they show us a full lunchbox and are not prepared to eat more we can only suggest they do and not make them.

acebaby · 14/10/2012 17:29

I am surprised that no-one noticed. At DS's school they keep an eye on reception during lunch, and will let parents know if the DCs are struggling (or if you put something unhealthy in ). The older ones are expected to fend for themselves a bit more.

I can understand why you are upset. We all hope/expect our children to be cared for at school - especially if they are only 4

expansivegirth · 14/10/2012 18:21

I'm surprised no one noticed, but only because the packed lunch kids at my childrens' school get their lunch boxes checked before they eat to make sure they aren't smuggling in anything illegal - a chocolate biscuit, say, or, god forbid, JUICE!

I think the best approach would be to explain to your son what to do if something similar ever happens again.

If he'd told them and nothing had happened, I'd be furious. But if they didn't know, there's not much they could do.

Melmagpie · 14/10/2012 18:25

Your poor ds! I would be upset too at this. I think there's a big issue when children start reception that they suddenly have so much to be responsible for themselves, especially now they all start in Sept when some are only just four. It's a lot for them to cope with! If I were you I'd have a friendly word with the teacher to say this has happened - not in any way accusatory - but I think they sometimes forget that very little children don't know what to do when this sort of thing happens.

BarbarianMum · 14/10/2012 19:06

Well, while I'm not sure that any one person is to 'blame', I can't imagine this happening to a reception-age child at ds' school. The Reception children get way more than average help and supervision, so chances are someone would notice and apart from anything they have to show their lunchboxes to a Supervisor to show how much they've eaten before going out to play (to stop them ditching lunch over playtime).

Yes, a child should speak up but that's quite a big ask for a shyer child who has only been in school a few weeks. Taking personal responsibility is a gradual process.

In your position OP I'd speak to his teacher, who could maybe introduce him to a particular supervisor so he feels more confident in asking for help in future.

Onceortwice · 14/10/2012 19:11

Not sure I really see what the OP's issue is:

that DS didn't eat one meal on one day: Not a problem
That teachers should have noticed and provided SOMETHING: This I would expect. They are 4.

mrz · 14/10/2012 19:14

I wonder how the teacher is supposed to notice when they probably weren't there.

Onceortwice · 14/10/2012 19:19

Someone must have been supervising, though. Surely!!??!

I have had a few issues with my (reception) child at school, when 'no one' saw what happened. He is 4!!! 4YO need supervision.

mrz · 14/10/2012 19:22

Yes dinner supervisors not teachers

Onceortwice · 14/10/2012 19:27

Call them whatever you want. My DS has complex issues with food, especially at school (which means he rearely eats or drinks for the entire day). The teacher is always aware of how he has been that day.

And my issues about supervision have actually happened in the classroom. Presumably the teacher (or appointed deputy) is there then??

APologies if this comes over a little terse.... To say school and my DS isn't working out is an understatement, so I get a bit emotional about it

mrz · 14/10/2012 19:33

Were we talking about your issues or the OP's child?

DachsandPup · 14/10/2012 19:41

Maybe teachers don't have time to check 30 lunchboxes, but if my 4 year old who had just started school was supervised so little over lunch that nobody noticed they had nothing to eat I would be incensed and feel that the school had completely failed in their care of my child.

Those of you who really think it is the child's responsibility to point it out to an adult - do you really think a very little boy, new to school, should have so little care taken of him at lunch that he should have to seek out an adult to help him, and that he needs to take responsibility for that? I would expect that someone would be taking notice of the little ones and that if he needed help it would be offered to him. I'd be disgusted if it wasn't.

Onceortwice · 14/10/2012 19:48

I was talking about MY opinion on the OP's post. I feel that it is unacceptable for no one to have an overview on a child's day. A new child. In a new school.

I have no idea what you were getting at.

Viviennemary · 14/10/2012 19:51

I don't think you can blame the teachers if he didn't say anything. I agree that unless he was deliberately ignored it's not exactly anybody's fault. I don't know how many chores your DS is expected to do at home. But chores for aged four is asking a bit too much I think.

Flip

1 2 3