Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

DS punched in the face at reception today

69 replies

slaveofsolitude · 28/09/2012 21:33

I started this thread a few days ago

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/primary/1573330-DS-being-repeatedly-hurt-by-another-boy-in-reception-What-to-do

Today DS was punched in the face by the same boy. The teacher really doesn't seem to know what she's doing.

I don't think I can return him to that class now - can I insist that DS is moved to another class? There are 3 reception classes with 30 children in each - so if he moved it would mean one class would have 31 - is that legal?

DS is so sad and keeps sayng he doesn't want to go back to that class (he wants to go back to school though). What an awful start to school for him - I feel devastated.

The other child clearly has some behavioural problems - I just don't believe this is normal for a 4 year old child.

OP posts:
desertgirl · 04/10/2012 21:49

oh poor boy; can you keep him off for a few days? do you have child care? I would be telling the head that as the school can't keep him safe, I'm keeping him home until they can - and talking to the council, and to Ofsted, and looking around for any alternatives.

But when you're so busy and worried, it really is the last thing you need. So sorry.

cutegorilla · 04/10/2012 21:49

Oh that's rubbish :( your poor DS. I totally understand the feeling that it's too much to deal with but I think you have to go back to the head again.

DorsetKnob · 04/10/2012 21:59

I would escalate to Chair of Governors and LEA to be honest. If you child is not safe at school then the school is failing him.

Bigwheel · 04/10/2012 22:06

I feel so sorry for you and ds, what a horrible time your having with it. Personally I wouldn't make any decisions to hastily, it's all fine saying take him out but could he get a place in another school, Do you have / have you got the money to go private, are you able to give up work and home educate, is moving to Different area a possibility? I'm guessing all of these things are quite unrealistic, so you need to think before you act. I would go back to the head teacher, write everyone down. If you still have problems could you ring your local education department and see what they recommend your next step should be? I hope you get it Sorted soon.

MummysHappyPills · 04/10/2012 22:13

She suggested he fight back! The head is a loon. Your poor ds. Escalate, the school sounds like it is a total mess.

QuintessentialShadows · 04/10/2012 22:23

Would it be worth putting in a complaint to Ofsted about the teacher and the head, as well as the education authority and the governors?

gfrnn · 05/10/2012 00:37

How awful for your son and for you.
If there are such gross deficiencies in leadership, management and discipline in the school then the chances are the teaching will be deficient too. The head's suggestion that your DS fight back is an abrogation of her responsibility and as it incites one child to be violent to another it seems close to professional misconduct.
If you can, I would pull him out. If you can't, I would put it to the school that they are failing in their duty of care to your DS, that their lack of an effective response to date has left him exposed to ongoing violence and intimidation and amounts to negligence on their part, and that you will make formal complaints to the chair of governors, the LEA and Ofsted if they do not implement an action plan that is acceptable to you. There is no regulatory obstacle to putting them in separate classes, since the school can keep the class sizes to 30 via a larger re-shuffle.
Friends recently pulled their 2 DDs out of their first school because the older DD (year 1) was on the receiving end of similar treatment and the school failed spectacularly to deal with it. The girls are now much happier in a neighbouring school.

LeFreak · 05/10/2012 00:49

OMG I can't believe the HT suggested he should fight back. So basically it's his responsibility to look after himself? That's appalling Shock

wandymum · 05/10/2012 23:24

Poor you OP, how awful for your SD. Lots of good advice so far and I hope.it works.

Have to say I'd be awfully tempted to get DH to teach SD how to throw a decent right hook to give the other boy a taste of his own medicine.

I know its a very dodgy lesson to teach them morally but it seems so unfair that you might have to move him through no fault of his own at such a critical time in his schooling that anything you can do to avoid that seems justified.

RiversideMum · 06/10/2012 08:10

I'm not excusing anything that has gone on and I don't think the school has handled this very supportively or sympathetically or indeed shown good communication between its staff members.

However, in reception we sometimes get children who have never been in any kind of social setting before and who have very poor skills at dealing with others, particularly when they are not getting their own way. If children have been in nursery or day care before, we do get reports, some of which can be massively unreaslistic in many respects - undiagnosed special needs, behavioural difficulties that have not been addressed etc. So there is a chance that this child arrived in school with no history and the school were unprepared. Let's face it, some children have parents with few parenting skills and the children have not been taught how to make friends or play with others.

My guess would be that your son is not the only child being hurt, as it is very unusual at that age for children to pick a "target" - it is more likely to be general lashing out and lack of control. What happens more usually is that a child who is seen as "naughty" by the others gets the blame for everything, even when they weren't involved. The behaviour is not acceptable, but it is not massively unusual.

What I would expect by now is for the teacher and the school to have cottoned on to this child's problems and to have a plan in place to support him so that things start to clam down. The usual thing a behaviour support teacher would suggest in the first instance is a sticker chart to reward the correct behaviour, probably with "thinking time" when class rules are broken. I'd probably throw some extra lunchtime supervision in there, as the adult:child ratios are very different at lunchtime. As a reception teacher, I'd try to handle things myself during the first term and then get extra help in after that if the usual strategies weren't working.

Of course as others have said, it's not your business to have any input to what happens to the other child. What may be positive is to help your own child build relationships with some of the children he does get on with through regular after school play dates etc. That would shift your child's focus to the positive relationships he has rather than the negative one.

RillaBlythe · 10/10/2012 14:38

How is it going for DS now OP?

designergirl · 12/10/2012 20:44

If they can't have more than 30 in one class, your DS could swap places with someone else in the other class.

admission · 12/10/2012 21:22

I would be fairly sure that moving classes is not going to happen, mainly because to do so the school is admitting that they can't handle / don't know what to do about this other pupil. I think you need to work from this assumption.
Looking at the options they are

  1. home educate - not an option if I am reading your posts right
  2. find another school - unlikely to happen easily as most other schools are full. To have any chance of success at appeal you are going to have to show how bad the situation has got and prove that the school is not doing anything about it, with clear written evidence.
  3. stay in the same class and school and make the best of a bad situation. To do this you need to start more or less daily correspondence with the head teacher detailing all the incidents and asking for action to be taken. If after a month the situation is still the same and you have 10+ sets of correspondence with the head teacher, you can make a formal complaint to the head teacher, then escalate to the Chair of Governors. At that point you probably have enough evidence to go to appeal and potentially get a panel to give you a place at another school, where the infant class size regs do not pertain.

It is tragic that in doing this you will have a desperately unhappy child, be putting him in a dangerous situation and I feel for you and them.

The school are massively letting you down. If the school is in special measure then Ofsted will be in again within 6 months of the last inspection, so I would suggest that the next time you see the head, you tell them that as and when they come in, you will be requesting a meeting with the inspector to inform them of the situation regarding your son. Maybe, just maybe the school will be more afraid of Ofsted than they seem to be of you complaining to them.

BlueSkySinking · 12/10/2012 21:41

The school are loco-parentis while he is in their care. The school also has a duty of care and should also have a bullying strategy.

I think the school is a failing one for a good reason. If you have no joy by half term, write to the goveners/LEA/OFSTED and copy in the teacher/head. The school is failing your son and you need to make lots of noise about it.

I would also ring other local schools and ask if they have any vacancies in their reception class. Arrange visits. Read OFSTEDs. Ask parents how well they feel bullying is dealt with.

Also I would tell your son not to fight back as this will make him look just as bad as the bully. Tell him to shout NO and tell a teacher.

BlueSkySinking · 12/10/2012 21:44

Also you son doesn't legally have to be in school till the term after his 5th birthday. Can you home school for a bit and wait for a vacancy to come up in a good school? Put your name on lots of school waiting lists as spaces do come up.

jamdonut · 13/10/2012 16:35

Are they in special measures for "safeguarding"?
I think you need to take it further now.
I say this as a TA in a school in SM,where safeguarding was an issue (nearly out now, fingers crossed). I have been in classes where there are 'violent' children, and been on the receiving end of several outbursts. I can see the situation from your side...your child does need protecting, and ,of course, should be.But the from the school's point of view they also have a duty of care to the boy doing the offending,and to be as inclusive as possible. Getting a one-to-one TA is often not an easy option, and usually requires extra funding from the LEA,after lengthy processes.Even then, it may only be for a couple of hours a day.
I agree that you should let Ofsted know,when they are next in. You have the right to talk to an officer face-to-face.

stoatie · 13/10/2012 20:44

We had a similar situation - wasn't an issue in years R and 1 but in year 2. One child was aggressive to several others including my daughter. I raised at parent's evening and was basically told "tell your daughter to keep out of Xs way" I was horrified with teacher's response - effectively blaming DD, but when the same week she was hit again - and I only found out because another parent was helping in classroom and innocently asked me next day if DD was ok - (the teacher not telling me at all)- thankfully (in a bizarre way) several other children were also being hit (and their parents told the same line of "its your child's fault tell them to keep away from X" that senior management were informed of what was happening.

I believe extra support was given to X (he had a TA already) and gradually things resolved. He is still in DDs class (which was never the issue) and now in Year 4 but so far all going well.

Sadly the teacher is also still at the school - we only found out when they went into Year 3 how poor the teaching quality had been, Year 3 teacher (who is fab) spent ages in first term going over stuff that hadn't been taught properly in Year 2.

The point of this ramble is that the school has a duty of care to keep your child safe - moving classes may not resolve the issue - the violent behaviour needs addressing - if necessary putting in extra staff at lunchtimes etc (as happened at DDs school)

runningmom · 14/10/2012 20:28

Probably being a little controversial here but I would say send him in. Keeping him home at this crucial stage for forming friendships, settling in etc will be, in the long run, more difficult for your child. He may feel like he is in the wrong and you'll turn him against the school, he'll lose faith in his school and have no trust in his teacher etc. It's really hard, but if he know you are 'against' the school why on earth would he ever feel comfortable there again? As long as he keeps telling the teachers and forms strong relships with the others, whereas this other boy will be shunned, I think it will all pan out in the end. A friend of mine was in a similar situation where her 5 yr old came back with a black eye from school! However, she sent him in, the teacher was extra vigilant etc etc and there have been no other problems.
My son is 5 too and I think I would be as incensed as you. Good luck x

afussyphase · 14/10/2012 21:59

I'd be tempted to give the police a call and see what they can do. Even an informal chat with the other child and his parents might help. No child should be legally required to attend a setting where they are at risk of violence and where the institution is so utterly failing to do anything about it! Feel for you and hope it gets better very very soon...

New posts on this thread. Refresh page