Not very PC but I'm worried about my first impression of DD's Primary School

[MJandherdog]

Thank you for taking the time to read this...I'm not really sure if I'm after a bit of advice or just want to get some very un PC things off my chest...

My DD started reception class at our local primary school on Monday and thus far is having a lovely time. My concern (here's the un PC bit) is that it's a large school with a large catchment area and with the exception of a few (less than 5) there are no 'people like us'. The vast majority appear to be Jeremy Kyle types and I'm a bit concerned (read a lot concerned) about the sort of influence these parents/ children will have on my daughter. Without going into loads of detail, they are the sort who walk to school at 0830 with a can of coke, haven't brushed their hair, look v.dirty before school has even started etc.

I know this makes me sound very snobby. I'm not, I just want my DD to be surrounded by decent, hard-working types. I don't get that vibe at the moment...

Should I follow my heart and look elsewhere? The school has a fairly good reputation but nothing that would be worth clinging on for...

Any thoughts/ opinions greatly appreciated...

PS before anyone really gets the wrong impression about me, this is not about level of income/ perecieved wealth.

You might find Keanu-Mackenzeigh is the nicest child in the school and a steadying influence on your dd. My combined 11 years' experience of educating my children have taught me not to judge too quickly. Sometimes the nicest parents have children who turn out unexpectedly.

Airedailleures - that must have been awful but I am sure that a vast majority of parents at that school would not condone that behavour either and I have come across a couple of fowl mouthed parents and aggressive people but they are not the majority.

PoiseParker - so do you not think it makes children less judgmental and snobby if they come in contact with children from all backgrounds? I think an understanding of social issues (the good and the bad) is an important life lesson that can't be learned from just watching Tracy beaker.

thanks Housework but as the Head didn't care either I thought I would rather not wait to find out...

I often used to watch the sports club after school with a can of coke in my hand and unbrushed hair (My DDs hide hair brushes just to embarrass Mummy).

I like coke (and one of the Mum's is a dentist who I know didn't approve) and so does DD2 (Thank you DH)

(I confess I only let her finish the can in the car out of sight. I was to much of a coward to wind up our snotty parents too much.)

What's the teaching like?
What's discipline like?
What is the pastoral care like?
What are the outcomes for the children?
Do the coke consuming, Jeremy Kyle watching, short t-shirt wearing people impact on your child's enjoyment of school?

The answers to the first 4 questions you should have from the time of your visit to the school (you did visit didn't you?)

Concern yourselves with these questions and quit concerning yourself with what other parents are doing.

I wonder what they are saying about you???

My daughter goes to a school similar to the one you describe. She is perfectly happy and thriving and I'm making new friends from all sorts of walks in life. At this school the children can wear any colour shoes they want as long as it is comfortable for them to walk, run around and play. I was so shocked las winter to find out that my daughter's best friend who goes to the oversubscribed catholic school spent few months going to school with a damaged black school shoe with a whole in it because she couldn't wear anything else and my friend couldn't afford to buy any. I thought my friend could ask for help any time she needed like she has done in the past, but I was sad to realize she 'caught' the snob behaviour from the parents at that school no matter what. I would rather send mild to a school where the children can use any shoe they have to keep their feet warm in the winter than send to a school where they have to use certain kind of shoes only even if it has a whole in it. My daughter has a pair of clarks patent leather btw.

And I was born with a very wild unruly hair who will always look like a mess even when tied back, I love to wear trainers and baggy clothes and I'm fighting against my fizzy drink addiction. However me and H are very hard working, honest people who eat healthily. Should I change my overall appearance to please some other mums at the gates?

Is the bisciut aimed at me and my poor grammar, spelling errors? Maybe because I'm a forreiner too...

I'm new to this business and so apologies if I've caused offence...I've already acknowldged I suspect I may be being a tad precious. Not sure what 'an infestation thread' is, but I can take a good guess and can assure you I was just after a bit of reassurance/ advice which I've got from some of you, so for that thank you.

To confirm, of course I visited the school beforehand and didn't get a great impression of it. Unfortunately I was left with no choice (for logistical reasons rather than appeals issues). The sensible part of me heard of the sensible arguments that have been reiterated on here, the emotional part of me urged me to write my original post. Lesson learnt.

No complexo it was for the OP.

My DC go to and I have recently started work in a school exactly as you describe and I admit that my first reaction was to be concerned about the "types" my DC are mixing with.

Having worked in the school for a year now, some of those concerns were legitimate and there are indeed a number of children who have attitudes and home lives I wouldn't want my DC to think are "normal".

However, I do think it has done my DC the world of good to see that not all families are "like us". Also, working in the school has opened my eyes to just how hard life is for some families and I have far more respect for those "types". With a few exceptions (I'm sure found in any school) all these parents are doing their best, often in incredibly challenging circumstances and genuinely want the best for their DC.

I might add that the problems we have with children being nasty to each other mostly come from the few "posh" families whose children have been allowed to think they're better than the rest

Also the inconsiderate folk who cause the endless problems with parking always seem to have fancy cars....

I think things will become clearer in time. It could be a craking school with a mixed intake but it could also be bloody awful.

How many schools did you look around when researching possibilities? If you haven't seen any, start ringing round/looking round schools and ask to revisit your childs school. Read all the Ofsted report as it tends outline the mix of backgrounds. Talk to parents. Make a fresh decision about what is best for your child but do consider the present school with it's great reputation.

ps. I am one of the messy parents

I think there's a big difference between unbrushed hair and Coke on the one hand and actually being like Jeremy Kyle. But if the children in DD's class were like Jeremy Kyle, I'd probably title the thread "Help - the children in DD's class are rude, mean and un-PC".

Sounds like some of the local schools. I can understand OP's concerns and that is why we have paid to go private. No pyjama wearing chavs smoking and swearing at the gates. (ok, I admit they are a minority but they do exist in state).

Just saying .... ...(takes hard hat and runs)

We have a very "naice" primary school with lovely "well dressed" parents and children - my eldest DD just moved on to secondary - they did Y6 year books - including fave TV show -

I was totally open-mouthed gobsmacked - some of these lovely little darlings were routinely watching Family Guy and Russell Howard's good news..... certainly e-xxx-plained some of the language!!

Follow your heart and look elsewhere. This would bother me, even though I know it shouldn't. Snobby? Perhaps.

I never brush my hair - I'm a middle aged scummy mummy and my precious ds is very much cared for ta. I'm a professional, I work, and hand on heart I can say that the attitudes of fellow mums at my ds's school are of absolutely no significance to me whatsoever.

I chose DS oversubsribed catholic school partially due to "respectable" looking parents, who come from more socially advantage background than many other parents in other local schools. I admit being snoby in this judgement and regret my choice. I won't move DS's school only because of that, but I think all children from all backgrounds have a potential to thrive in school, as long as it is a good school.
Even if I look presentable, i belong to working class not a middle class, so it instead of trying to be where I don't belong, I'd rather mix with people from my background.

Having said that I always look how other parents dress and behave :)

"Well dressed" doesn't tell you anything about how kind, intelligent or thoughtful people are. A scruffy person could be an academic working on a cure for cancer, while someone in a smart suit could be a spiteful social climber. A scruffy environment may nicely exclude anyone who spends a disproportionate amount of time on appearances.

We moved our son from a school like this to a posher, middle class one. It was lovely that he was mixing with a wide range of children but in the end, this was the only good thing about it. There were low expectations, large amounts of children needing extra help and there was a lot of disruption in the classrooms. Although it's our local school, it now has a bad reputation and most of the middle class parents drive to other schools. The new school is a more sterile affair with plently of Chelsea Tractors in the car park but the children are generally well behaved and well mannered and do well there but all this comes at the cost of not meeting children from other backgrounds. You have to weigh up the pros and cons. My friend teaches at a school where nobody turned up to a maths evening whereas the maths evening at our school was jam packed.

YANBU. Maybe I am a snob but I wouldn't want my children at a school like that. I'd far prefer them to be with kids from more motivated parents, what is so wrong with that.

I am baffled by all these mums who don't have a minute to brush their hair in the morning!