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Original poster

DS is starting 2nd choice school tomorrow, and our 1st choice primary just offered a school place. What to do???

32 replies

confusedperson · 11/09/2012 13:49

DS is due to start our 2nd choice school tomorrow. We have had the school teacher visit, bought all uniforms, induction session at the school etc. I am generally very happy with the school ? it?s a good community school with some outstanding features.
We just got a call from 1st choice school offering a place! To be honest I did not have any realistic hope of getting in!! It is outstanding RC school with outstanding results.
We need to make a decision asap because tomorrow is his first school day at 2nd choice school.
Generally I am so pleased with 2nd choice that I don?t want any change, but it would probably be stupid not to move him to the best school in the area?
Also DS may have some behavioural issues and I am afraid that 1st choice will not be as equipped to deal with it as the community school.

What would you do????

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LadySybildeChocolate · 11/09/2012 13:51

'Outstanding' doesn't make it caring or child centred. If you're happy with the 2nd choice, I'd stick with it.

honoraglossop · 11/09/2012 13:54

Is ds looking forward to going to the 2nd choice school tomorrow? was he happy at the induction sessions? chose whichever you think he will be happiest in ( and that doesnt necessarily mean the school with the best results)

DuchessOfAvon · 11/09/2012 13:56

The school may be outstanding now but may not be for long under the new Ofsted framework. These gradings are so misleading. Schools change, frameworks change - your child will be there a long time, who knows what will happen. You can only go on what you know now - both of the school and your child.

Unless the RC element is important for you, what other reasons do you have to believe that this school will suit your son better than the one he is due to start at?

TheOldestCat · 11/09/2012 13:57

We were given our third choice of school last year. A couple of months into reception, we were offered our second choice (they'd mistakenly kept us on the waiting list).

It's thought of as a much 'better' school - Ofsted outstanding etc while DD's school is a community one, more mixed cohort etc etc.

But by then we realised we had inadvertently got the best school for DD - she was doing so well and really thriving. It's a caring and joyful place. So we've stuck with it and are very happy indeed, just like she is.

ToothyMcTooth · 11/09/2012 13:59

Oh poor you, that is a tricky one!
Do you know any parents of children at the schools? like ladysybil says outstanding does not always mean that they're best equipped for anything other than v v 'normal' pupils. Don't mean to offend with that word but I'm sure you know what I mean!
My friend moved her ds from an outstanding school (admittedly to another outstanding but not so highly regarded one) as the first was failing her son. Said he was autistic (he isn't), he finished reception unable to read at all, almost no numeracy skills etc etc. they considered him an oddity. He has some funny ways but is clearly bright. Anyway the new school transformed him, he's now (just started yr 2) above average in quite a few areas.
If there were no ratings attached which school would you pick? Which has the nicer feel? Consider other things like homework policy (my ds's school has none and I never thought about it but now realise I totally support that and would have no time to supervise its completion )

EverlongYouAreGoldAndOrange · 11/09/2012 14:12

Could you go back to your first choice on your own tomorrow and have another look?

Nightmare for you and I understand your dilemma.

For some reason ( and this isn't normally like me ) I think your 2nd choice sounds really good.

Just read your OP again. I would stick with 2.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 11/09/2012 14:30

Since you really like the second choice school I would only change at this stage if the RC element is very important to you.

Original poster
confusedperson · 11/09/2012 14:41

Actually I have created another topic regarding these two schools:
here

I think I only put the outstanding RC school as No.1 because it has excellent results and everyone talks of it as "highly regarded" school. Probably much of it is true, but I can feel some snobism as well...

Oustanding RC catholic advantages: closer to home, outstanding results, perhaps better secondary prospects (but I'd rather choose a grammar than a catholic, given academic ability).
No.2 (current) disadvantages - further from home & 3-form entry this year (previous years were 2). Generally I like everything about the school so far.
But hard to tell more before starting.

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Original poster
confusedperson · 11/09/2012 14:43

RC catholic is important but I am a reluctant church goer (I find a lot of fakeness in it). Going to a community school does not prevent us going to church or taking 1st communion.

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Original poster
confusedperson · 11/09/2012 14:44

Sorry I linked to a wrong threard that was my choice between No.2 and No.3.

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Original poster
confusedperson · 11/09/2012 14:45

This is the right link here

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paddlinglikehell · 11/09/2012 22:29

We chose the Outstanding RC school for our dd when she started. Two years down the line, we moved her to another school, further away, but better for her needs.

Personally, I would stick with what you have all geared yourself up for. Outstanding doesn't always mean better, just that they have ticked all the boxes.

Original poster
confusedperson · 11/09/2012 22:33

After speaking with some parents of the outstanding RC school, I am now leaning towards original school choice No.1 - mainly due to convenient location and few other friends of DS starting there, meaning that I would have some mums network for emergencies.
But just read paddlinglikehell post and starting to change my mind again...

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tinytalker · 11/09/2012 23:44

I was in exactly the same position as you when DD1 started school. I ended up sticking with the 2nd choice school as she was happy as was I with the school. I haven't regretted that choice and my next 2 dd's went there too!
Good luck x

Original poster
confusedperson · 12/09/2012 16:31

Just an update, I was very undecided until this morning (could not sleep all night), so went with the 2nd choice school and let DS go to his first day at the 2nd choice school. Then got an impulse decision while he was at school and switched schools to the 1st choice. After all, I felt that most of his little friends will go to the 1st choice, the afterschool care will be familiar, the school is closer so his day will be shorter, and after all it is considered the best school in our area, so have to give it a try because I will not have a 2nd chance. Switching to the 2nd choice school later, if need be, would be easier. We will just give it a go and try to use this opportunity.

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Shellywelly1973 · 12/09/2012 16:58

I ended up in a very similar situation when dd was going in2reception. I chose to accept my 1st choice.

Dd just started yr6. Im so glad i did send her to the 1 st choice school, 2nd choice school is doing really badly

Goldenjubilee10 · 12/09/2012 18:35

Poor ds. I hope he's not as confused as you are!

CaptainVonTrapp · 12/09/2012 21:05

If I was happy with both, I would pick the closest. If not in catchment for one I definitely wouldn't pick that.

Hope he likes it!

Original poster
confusedperson · 17/09/2012 00:02

Few days after the decision, I feel like I made a massive mistake. I am full of grief about my 2nd choice, from which I withdrew my DS, and full of hate towards the 1st choice school which messed up me by offering a place at the last minute. Yes 1st choice school is much closer, full of DS nursery friends, very well apoken of by other parents, outstanding pastoral care, great Sats, but I dont want to go near it, don't feel good about it. Also didn't like his new reception teacher. But obviously is too late too change the schools back. And I would myself look a complete fool if I did. I should have gone with my gut feeling. Maybe it will still be ok with the new school. But I made it mentally very hard for myself. I am just hoping that my DS will like it.

I just wish that call from 1st choice school never happened..... :(

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Original poster
confusedperson · 17/09/2012 00:07

Cannot sleep completely and lost the peace of my mind since the decision. I thought I was doing it for my child's benefit, but it's all completely wrong for me.

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Original poster
confusedperson · 17/09/2012 00:14

2nd choice school probably will have filled my place by now anyway, so it's about time to stop moaning and start living with it... Sorry for moaning!

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Northernlurkerisbackatwork · 17/09/2012 00:23

You're overthinking this. Your child has had two days in the school. Give him a chance to settle in and relax a bit woman! This is your dc at the very start of his school life. Nothing 'bad' is going to happen now that will harm him for life. Breathe, drop your shoulders and give it some time. Nothing's done that can't be changed if it needs to be.

Original poster
confusedperson · 17/09/2012 00:31

Thanks you are probably right. My Ds only had ones short day at 2nd choice school. Has not started 1st choice school yet. Although I am not overthinking. I just feel bad.

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Goldenjubilee10 · 17/09/2012 06:44

If he hasn't started 1st choice school yet then why don't you phone 2nd choice to see if the space is still available. If it is he can go back where he started if not he needs to start 1st choice school and you need to get over it. This has to be about him

korvonia · 17/09/2012 10:27

It is not entirely about your dc, OP. If you are going to like 1st choice more, have more mum-friends, find it easier to arrange playdates and do the schoolrun, then that is a great reason for your dc to go there.

All your emotions about this mean it is impossible for you to know what best to do, and you will have regrets and feelings about whatever choice you make. You are now in choice no. 1. Assume it will be fine.

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