DS is starting 2nd choice school tomorrow, and our 1st choice primary just offered a school place. What to do???

[confusedperson]

DS is due to start our 2nd choice school tomorrow. We have had the school teacher visit, bought all uniforms, induction session at the school etc. I am generally very happy with the school ? it?s a good community school with some outstanding features.
We just got a call from 1st choice school offering a place! To be honest I did not have any realistic hope of getting in!! It is outstanding RC school with outstanding results.
We need to make a decision asap because tomorrow is his first school day at 2nd choice school.
Generally I am so pleased with 2nd choice that I don?t want any change, but it would probably be stupid not to move him to the best school in the area?
Also DS may have some behavioural issues and I am afraid that 1st choice will not be as equipped to deal with it as the community school.

What would you do????

You cannot know until you have tried both! That's the truth of it. None of us get to try these things out, it's only a guess. Stop feeling so guilty. You're doing your best.

FWIW the RC one sounds better in that his friends are there, (big deal to a little one) and also it's smaller. Probably there are more staff to children.

The one ds1 started at was also very very good, great results etc and very competitive to get in but in fact, it was HUGE, much too big, chaotic, he was often totally lost among the hundreds of reception children, he got beaten up, never ate any lunch, no one was available to talk to EVER.

I took him out. He got offered a place at our first choice, in yr1, and went there - totally, totally different setting, the infants are very well cared for, no one gets beaten up, or lost. everyone eats their lunch because someone is helping them and checking they are all Ok.

I'm so glad we moved as ds2 has gone there as well now and was fine in reception. It's great.
But if we hadn't tried the other one we'd never have known how chaotic it was. I know it's still great for older kids and so on but imo the smaller your reception numbers, the better.

Plus several parents I know who sent their children to the other ones, are now on the waiting list for ours.

It is all a lucky guess at the start.

He will be Ok - I'd think that he won't mind being moved over, within the first couple of years at least. Once a child is really settled, like maybe into yr2 or 3, they might find it harder to move schools, but till then you should have some leeway.

korvonia such a good post. All correct about the 1st choice school. It is likely to have more nice parents (if not too over-pushy), local friends, easier school run, no bullying and outstanding pastoral care according to Ofsted report, smaller intake. And true, because I cannot take time back, I would always wonder how it would have been in the other school. It has been a rational decision rather a ?gut? decision. Unfortunately these two don?t always go together.

EdMcDunnough I am glad to hear that moving helped for your child. I will keep this option in my mind. If eventually we don?t like (we ? means me AND my DS) the 1st choice school, we can put him on the waiting list for the 2nd choice. I guess a place should come up from time to time out of 90 places.

My biggest worry about 1st choice that they have lower than average SEN and it is not clear whether it?s because it?s very inclusive (perhaps children with minor SEN are treated as everyone else), or because SEN children don?t stay there for long. I will not know this until he is well into the school year, but this will be important factor because my DS may need some extra support.

Ours has lower than average SN as well - from my experience here it is because they don't like to admit that there are any problems which can work out badly for you if there are. It means you have to fight for extra help/statementing while other schools may be more geared up to provisioning for these instances.

We're fairly lucky - ds has brushed with dyslexia (school refused to do much at all) but is coping. Another child in his class was having some serious issues due to autism and we had to really fight to get anything put in place to help him. (close friends with my own child)

I think Korvonia is right - assume it will be good, give it a try, if it doesn't work out, then you can move him later. But try it first.

EdMcDunnough you are just a stranger for me, but you don?t know how much these wise words mean to me! My DS is very defiant, but if everyone else in the class is behaving well, he may just conform with it and be fine without any special attention. But if anything more serious, they may not have the means to deal with it (even if they declare they have SENCO). I will give it a try. The main thing is for me to calm down and learn to live with the decision. After all, it?s not like I made a decision to send him to a sink estate school. It is an outstanding RC primary, the best in our area (repeating to myself 100 times).

If I ?unchange? schools at this point, I could not face my DH and he would think I am going mad, ha ha!

Have been in your shoes, OP! I moved my dd after three years on the waiting list. It has been so brilliant, and seeing my dd2 enjoy reception so much has been amazing (crap reception in previous school). The main draw is the social side - it has been lovely to see dd1 make really good local friends.

As far as possible SN goes, you will just have to monitor it over the year. But being with families you already know might be all the more important if your ds needs extra support.

Can't speak from the SN perspective but we're a minute's walk from DD's school (she's YR). She's started "big school" with most of her nursery class and playdates and after-school activities are easy peasy because everyone lives so close to each other. It's been great and she's so happy.