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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Original poster

How important is it to you that your child reaches their full potential?

61 replies

mrsshears · 07/09/2012 19:53

I have a highly gifted dd ( 99.9th percentile) who is basically coasting in most areas and has even gone backwards slightly in reading, although i put this down to lack of interest, she could and should be doing a lot better than she is however she is happy in school and has lots of friends (which has not always been the case and she has struggled alot social in the past)
I have found myself wondering over the last few days just how important is it that she reaches her potential? i would be really greatful for any opinions on this and also what would you do if this were your dc?
many thanks

OP posts:
sittinginthesun · 07/09/2012 19:57

How old? My friend's daughter is similar, and we have been having this conversation a lot lately.

Iwillorderthefood · 07/09/2012 19:59

It is important that all children are enabled to reach their full potential.

Iwillorderthefood · 07/09/2012 20:00

I probably mean supported got throbbing headache, and two DCs waiting up for late Daddy.

HSMM · 07/09/2012 20:04

Full potential in what way though. At the moment she's heading towards her potential with social skills.

Original poster
mrsshears · 07/09/2012 20:11

She is 6 and just gone into y2.
I suppose i mean academically, she is streets ahead at home compared to school.

OP posts:
dinkystinky · 07/09/2012 20:12

It is important to me - but I also understand that school work ramps up a fair bit in year 2 so it may be that she finds it much more interesting now.

dinkystinky · 07/09/2012 20:14

Sorry - to expand - when I say its important to me, it is important that my children try to do their best at whatever they turn their hand to - if they're not trying, then something is wrong. I want my children to be enthused, inspired, interested - and whatever I can do at home to encourage that I will do (sadly I work full time so its weekend only)

Original poster
mrsshears · 07/09/2012 20:14

Those of you who say it is important, how would you go about making it happen?

OP posts:
AMumInScotland · 07/09/2012 20:15

I guess it depends if you think she'll fail to reach her full potential (by 18, or 30 or whatever...) just because she is not being pushed to achieve to her full current ability at this precise moment?

I don't think coasting is good for very long at a time, but if she is developing in other areas such as the social side, then this is maybe a trade-off which will be worth it. Children who are pushed to achieve to their utmost possible ability at an early age, but who don't have the social skills or maturity to go with it are generally not happy and fulfilled people in later life.

Iamnotminterested · 07/09/2012 20:16

But don't you think that most children will do things veeeery differently at home for mum when they haven't got the distraction of 29 other children in the room/ bells/ people coughing or dropping their pencils/ adults or other children entering the room/ their friend next to them peering over their shoulder for the answer, etc? I know that DD2 can confidently answer level 5 maths questions at home for me but I don't for a minute think that she is able to replicate this on a regular basis at school.

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 07/09/2012 20:18

Its the start of term, how do you know she's coasting?

sittinginthesun · 07/09/2012 20:19

Okay, what my friend decided to do was to concentrate on social skills, friendships, sport etc whilst keeping the academic side ticking along.

School were fully supportive. She is top set for everything, of course, with extension work for maths.

She has just moved to year 4, and the school are now stretching her, with the backing of her parents. So she, and a couple of others, are in year 6 for maths.

(My son is with her in groups, but is being stretched, whereas she has been coasting to date.)

My friend's thinking is that she will always be bright, as she is that sort of child, but she wants her to be balanced as well. The trick has been making sure she is not bored. Fine line...

IslaValargeone · 07/09/2012 20:20

Do you really think she's coasting this early into term?
Reaching full academic potential, as well as everything else is very important to me, I would certainly step in if I had concerns, but I think it's too early at this stage in the academic year tbh.

PurpleAndPoppyWearer · 07/09/2012 20:21

I was that child.

If she is struggling socially, could she have Asperger's? Girls cope much better with it than boys. I have done a lot of reading on this recently and am 95% confident this is the case for me.

I wouldn't worry too much about academic potential. If she is that motivated, it will be fine regardless. What mattered to me more than anything throughout my childhood was wanting to feel loved/secure in my relationship with my family and wanting social acceptance from my peers. The academic achievement was the icing on the cake.

Here's the other thing. I did well at university (Oxbridge) but when it came to forging a career IRL, it was my social skills that somewhat held me back. I had a good career, but certainly haven't reached my potential in my career to date. Compared to my DH who was less of an academic achiever but now much more of a high-flyer. Because of networking skills and self-confidence to take risks with his career.

In retrospect I really do believe that social skills and security are the most important thing. I wasted so much time and energy as a child and a teenager worrying about not being "popular".

6 is very young!

MiniTheMinx · 07/09/2012 20:24

Potential for what though, academic brilliance or happiness and fulfilment? Which is more important will not depend upon the child's level of intelligence but more on personality. Many bright children are not motivated in certain areas, even in areas where they might really excel, others are not given opportunities and others have been pushed to succeed and suffered because they felt isolated from their peers.

I have two very different dc, DS1 is academically very bright with brilliant social skills, is very mature for age which when he was young meant he struggled with his peer group. DS2 is socially very good, could be very academic and is certainly bright but lacks motivation. Guess which one is most fulfilled and happy?

motherinferior · 07/09/2012 20:25

(a) It's a loaded question. Very few people are going to say they don't want their children to reach their full potential. What's the real question here - should I move my child/go private (it often is, in threads like these)/press for more provision or what?

(b) How do you know she isn't reaching her full potential? This might be the best she's capable of doing at the moment. Your own expectations may be too high.

Margerykemp · 07/09/2012 20:30

I don't think many people reach their potential in life. Try not to set her up for failure or put all her eggs in one basket ( academic).

Margerykemp · 07/09/2012 20:30

I don't think many people reach their potential in life. Try not to set her up for failure or put all her eggs in one basket ( academic).

Mintyy · 07/09/2012 20:31

I am very interested in how it is that you discover your child is on the 99.9th percentile academically at age 6.

What sort of test does that involve?
Where did she have it?
How did the people who adminstered the test suggest you could help your dd reach her full potential?

auntevil · 07/09/2012 20:36

I think you'd be surprised mother inferior at how many parents don't give a about their children's education.
DS's school ran a group for extra studies up to the SATs. It was free, within or without school time (choice).
Less than half the parents sent their children - not even for an extra hours free childcare!

motherinferior · 07/09/2012 20:37

OK, I should have said 'how few MNers' are going to say that.

It is still, in this context, a loaded question.

Actually I'm not sure how far I'd have sent DD1 to SATS cramming classes.

alcofrolic · 07/09/2012 20:39

How can you 'know' a child's full potential, if potential is defined as 'latent qualities or abilities that may be developed and lead to future success or usefulness'?

When my child, at age 3, refused to draw zebra stripes on a zebra, I would never, ever have thought that he would be producing amazing art at the age of 20. How can you define what your child's 'potential' is at the age of 5 or 6?

IMHO 'reaching potential' is totally meaningless. It's a parental dream.

maybenow · 07/09/2012 20:45

I was a very very bright child, but I am not a genius adult - my brain just matured really quickly, I was a freak in primary school, the brightest in secondary but everybody else caught up with me somewhere in university between the ages of 18 and 21 and though I was able to do a post-graduate degree I am not outstanding academically.

Nobody knows what our 'potential' really is at age 6.

simpson · 07/09/2012 20:46

Hi mrs shears

It also depends on her personality tbh.

I have come to the conclusion with DS that due to his personality (shy, reserved etc) he is not going to do as well at school as he does at home where it's quieter and he gets to choose what he reads, is interested in iyswim.

He also lacked confidence until mid yr2 (now just started yr3) about putting up his hand in class to join in group/class discussions etc...

He loves school and every yr at the yr6 leavers assembly he comes home crying not because they are leaving but because it's a yr nearer to when he does...which IMO is priceless in terms of schooling for him (that he loves it so much and is so happy).

As you know I do have certain issues with his school it is not perfect, but he is happy so I am (I think!!).

When DD starts in reception next week it may be a whole different story as she is going into a class of 90!!!

Mintyy · 07/09/2012 20:46

As an aside, I would not have sent my child to SATS tutoring classes, not even for the free childcare!