How important is it to you that your child reaches their full potential?

[mrsshears]

I have a highly gifted dd ( 99.9th percentile) who is basically coasting in most areas and has even gone backwards slightly in reading, although i put this down to lack of interest, she could and should be doing a lot better than she is however she is happy in school and has lots of friends (which has not always been the case and she has struggled alot social in the past)
I have found myself wondering over the last few days just how important is it that she reaches her potential? i would be really greatful for any opinions on this and also what would you do if this were your dc?
many thanks

Thanks everyone, much appreciated and very valuable information.

Fantastic post, teacherwith2kids. Your ds and his primary school sound wonderful.

2 things I agree with wholeheartedly:

All the posters who comment on the fluidity of 'giftedness' and ability. It absolutely happens time and time again that some children are just very early developers and the others simply catch them up. I had a friend whose 2 year old daughter was extremely able at just 2 - telling the time, tying shoelaces, extremely articulate, as well as more tangible academic things, but by 9 was needing extra help at maths, and then other subjects. She achieved reasonable GCSEs and is now training to be a hairdresser where I'm sure she will be very happy. School didn't let her down, her parents didn't let her down - it's more that she was about as bright as a 9 year old at 2 and her peers all caught her up and in many cases overtook her. It is for this reason that I can't bear the idea that society label children as young as 3 and 5 as 'gifted'. It is a nonsense.

Indigo's comment on the long game and you are raising a child to become a happy adult rings absolutely true with me. It is my sole aim as a parent for my ds to be a happy and healthy adult with (most importantly to me) good mental health. He is only a child for a small proportion of his life and an adult for (hopefully) much longer. So I make him do chores (so it's not a surprise as an adult that no one else picks up for you - dh at 49 still finds this a shock). I let him get bored and learn how to entertain himself. I encourage a love of reading and art and music and sitting around thinking. I want him to enjoy fresh air and nature. I want him to be kind and compassionate. I want him to know how to work hard. I want him to know that other people in the world live in different ways and circumstances to him and that their needs and wants are of equal importance to his.

He is clever and loves school and of course I want him to continue to do well, to keep his options open, who wouldn't?

But fulfilling his potential is about so much more that.

Teacher that is a beautiful story.
And so utterly true. My own DD1 is a dyslexic socially inept, quirky but bright child.

She has choose to do a little of what you did herself.

She has decided to swap an ICT GCSE for drama, because she wants to practice being with people in a controlled setting.

She knows I find not having adult friends other than DH hard and she sees DD2 make friends as easily as breathing.

She may well not get as good a grade, but she will learn skills for the rest of her life.

From the perspective of my son, who is only 12, I disagree with the posters who talk about the fluidity of a G&T label. He was a very early talker and is a deep thinker who easily grasps difficult philosophical concepts that I think many adults would have difficulty with. I don't see this as something that will level out or something that others will catch up with but it's early days and I could be wrong. I don't think it's necessary a good thing.... existential angst and all that... He has always sounded like a mini adult so I guess he will be caught up at some point when the other kids begin to sounds like adults too.

Nice,

I don't think that G&T is always fluid. Just that it is sometimes fluid.

Some children start ahead and stay ahead - the boy of my acquaintance who showed high maths ability at 3, was well into the secondary maths curriculum at 9 and is working on A-level maths work, just about to go onto university work at 13 is an example.

Other children start ahead and slow down, while others start slowly [Einstein is a famous example] and accelerate past their peers.

I also suspect that the fluidity possibly decreases with age. The probability that a child who seems very able at 3 is still exceptionally able at 18 is lower than a child who is very able at, say, 11 being able at 18 - of course, some of those 3 year olds will still be ahead at 18, but quite a lot will not be, and others who were not labelled as able will now be in the most able cohort. However, as your son is 12, and is very able, it is likely that he will remain very able ... but there are probably still some 'invisible' potentially able children of his age who will really blossom by 18 and will join him IYSWIM.

(Also, remember that the G&T 'label' is technically cohort dependent, as the gonernment guidance was to lable the top 5-10% as G&T. The top 5-10% at a superselective grammar is very different from the top 5-10% group in its neghbouring secondary modern, as probably nearly 100% of the superselective grammar children were G&T at primary school whereas only 5-10% of them will be labelled as such in the grammar.... they don't 'become not G&T' at 11, simply the cohort changes)

If I have understood correctly, OP is concerned that her DD has the potential to be comfortably at the top of her year group, but isn't.

As she is clearly clever enough to achieve this (at the moment, and fully accepting that things can change) one can only assume that there is something else holding her back - lack of confidence, self esteem, resilience or self motivation, a behaviour issue, a processing issue, a memory issue.

Really, it could be anything, but if the Ed Psych didn't identify anything specific then it is likely to be something that will come with maturity but a great start would be building her confidence to 'have a go', praising effort and yes encouraging social skills.

The only thing I would say is that there is a child in DS's class like this - his mother tells everyone how clever he is, and he is, but he consistently fails to meet her expectations because her expectations are too high, and he is clearly aware of it. I hope that he doesn't eventually stop trying because his best is never good enough. I am not saying that this is your situation btw, just pointing it out as a cautionary tale.

"I think you'd be surprised mother inferior at how many parents don't give a about their children's education.
DS's school ran a group for extra studies up to the SATs. It was free, within or without school time (choice).
Less than half the parents sent their children - not even for an extra hours free childcare!"

Fact the First. I care very much about my children's education.

Fact the Second. I would not send them to extra lessons for SATs.

Seeker, ditto.

I have two academic children, but while I'd send them to extra woodwork, after-school music, after school sport, or after-school plumbing, I'd never send them to extra lessons for SATs. I would even send them to after-school poetry-writing, or after school topology (so subject-related extension activities which were 'for their own sake')... but definitely not to SATs preparation lessons...

Same as Seeker.

Same here. I care very much indeed about my DCs education but I wouldn't want extra SATs lessons for them. They did however take advantage of extra GCSE lessons- it was their choice and they were sensible enough to know where they needed them.