Need some advice about nurturing bright DS

[Loueytb3]

Please don't flame me as you will all probably think this is a stealth boast but I am trying to get some impartial advice?

DS2 is 5.4 and just about to go into Yr1. He is quite bright. I am not sure exactly how bright because I have nothing to compare him to (DS1 has ASD). I get the impression that he is a lot brighter than his peers but its difficult to find out without sounding like you are boasting and the other parents getting the wrong end of the stick.

He was a very early reader (short books at age 3), is good with numbers which is not in itself particularly remarkable, but what really stands out is that he has a photographic memory.

To give you an example, he is very into geography at the moment. I bought an app for the iphone/ipad (as recommended by someone on here) called stack the countries. Its basically a quiz about geography. It has questions about where countries are, their flags, capitals, various landmarks etc. As a result of playing this game, he can now place every country in the world on a map (correctly first time), name virtually all their capitals and recognise a country by its shape. He can place all US states and name their state capitals. We've been watching the Olympics and one morning the presenters were not sure what country one of the flags was from. He correctly told me it was Vietnam. He is obsessed with plate tectonics and how the continents came to form (and when). He knows all the planets and how many moons there are on each of them. He told me one morning that he'd had a dream about Shakespeare. As far as I knew they hadn't done anything about him at school so I asked him to tell me about him and he started talking about the Globe Theatre. I later found out that he'd read a book at school (self chosen) which talked about him and the Globe theatre. He'd clearly remembered it from then and had a dream about it.

I should say that none of this has been directed by us. He learnt to read by himself (totally surprised us when he started recognising words). We have basically nurtured his interests by providing reading material/games/tv programmes as they have developed.

He's about to go into yr1 at a state primary school. So far, they have been fantastic. However, I don't know whether in the longer term it is the best place for him especially as it?s a full class of 30 kids. Both me and DH work so there isn't a lot of time to teach him things and TBH I want him to have fun out of school. What (if anything) can I do to help him out? We could pay for private education, but we had thought about potentially doing it at secondary level. Now I'm wondering if its leaving it too late and we are missing out years when he's eager to learn and is soaking it all up like a sponge. He would have to move schools after yr2 as there is a separate infant/junior school. Or would he get enough stimulation from a good state primary and should we save our money?

I would really appreciate views from people who have DCs similar to my DS2 and/or teachers.

Your DS is clever. Very clever.

There are no private schools anywhere near you that would accept a child with ASD.

He is and will stretch himself academically. School is for him learning social skills - which is the most important thing for him to learn right now.

Good social skills are far more important in life that A levels.

He sounds cute. Maps are a very boy thing. Mine all loved
I'd just let him get on with it. I knew of a kid where the mum was v worried about him being stretched and then as a teen went right off the boil. Of course he might have done this anyway. Who knows.

Re schools. If he's happy leave him. Re evaluate at end of infant.
If he's truly clever he won't stop wanting to learn
In a way give yourselves a break. You are worrying about something that isn't there ATM.

Unrestricted access to books on topics that he is interested in, and let him get on with it. If he has a thirst for knowledge, nothing will stop him.

Mine learned stupid amounts from tv. Latest was something to do with pigs sweat glands.
Oh get him the ng kids magazine. He'd love that. Start him with sport too.

Indigo - its DS2 I'm talking about. DS1 has ASD. They are always going to be at different schools I think. I realise that there isn't a private school that would take a child with ASD but since they are already at different schools it doesn't really matter where DS2 goes as it will always be a different school IYSWIM. It may have implications for DS3 but he's so little that who knows where he will fall.

it's the brother that has ASD...

In some senses I'm not worried but just wondered whether there was a window of opportunity after which he was likely to be less interested.

Alaska - will have a look for the magazine thanks. He's doing swimming and football and I would like him to learn to play an instrument at some point as I did at school.

Nah. You don't start bright and end up thick

Ahem - I know a private school that happily accepts children with ASD (although I know the child in question in this thread is NT).

It sounds like he's doing very well!

Re schooling, if his current school is fantastic, then leave him there for now. My friend's ds is v bright and she put him in a pre prep and they have virtually ignored him for 2 years. It's not really a state vs private thing, it's down to the attitude of the staff in the school. I would approach private schools because he surely would get a scholarship from whenever they start but you must gauge their attitude to bright children so that your ds doesn't end up like my friend's ds. She removed him and sent him to a different private school.

I hate this recurring MN idea that private schools are so, so stimulating, and that state schools produce a load of brain dead numpties.

DS was exactly the same - down to the maps / flags thing and the obsession with plate tectonics and planets. He was also an early reader and very good with number (adding and subtracting negative numbers in Reception, that kind of thing).

He has been state educated throughout primary, and will go to our local (very good) comp.

He had a bad time in Year 1 in a small state village primary where he was isolated in terms of ability and outlook on life. When stressed, he has many 'ASD' type traits, and at that point also became a selective mute, and so for some time the focus shifted onto those difficulties rather than meeting his academic needs.

I HEd him for a short time, then we moved and he moved into a much larger primary with a very different intake (it is a normal state primary but the demographics of the area, as well as its size, mean that he has many more 'near peers' rather then it being DS and then a long gap to the next child). At this point, we looked at state and private primaries - like you, I thought that private might better meet his needs. What shocked me was the 'rigidity' of the private schools available, the very 'didactic' teaching style adopted, the lack of proper differentiation, and how badly they would have fitted a slightly very quirky child like my DS.

DS has thrived, both socially and academically, at the state primary I chose. His selctive mutism vanished, and his self confidence has blossomed. He is hugely popular, excels both academically and at sport, and although he still has clear ASD traits they are no longer his 'defining feature'. The fact that the state school is used to differentiating for all abilities of children means that they work hard to keep every child making progress, even the very able - for example this year a high school teacher came in to teach the most able children maths and all of that group got their Level 6 SATs this year....

So don't select a school by whether they are private or state. select one that is prepared to alter their way of doing things, on a daily basis, to accommodate children who fall outside the norm.

(Also, find a school where there is a peer group - even if only of 4 or 5 children - of other really bright kids. Bigger schools are better from that point of view. It is lonely being 'the only one')

Private school don't all have broad curriculums where children can just enjoy learning and learn about what they fancy. A lot of them are about exams like 7 + 8+ etc so focus on basics like writing and maths. Non-exam factories may be biased towards the less academic which is not really helpful in your case. I think it's unusual to have an education where children can just learn what they fancy (Home education being the only situation that I can think of)

The best you could do is give your son lots of access to books, tv, museums about what may interest him. Our school gives the topics for the year at the start of each term. My son has just left y1 and the last half term the topics was Explorers and Pirates which everyone in y1 seemed to love.

As others have said

Sorry . Been looking after too many kids today and my brains not working.

DS2 is at a very good school. I wouldn't move him.

but then I'm not a huge fan of private education

Hi - exTA (male) here :

I agree, if you are all happy with the school probably best to keep him where he is and he feels secure; there are so many aspects of a school that are important besides the academic subjects - arts, music, sport, pastoral care etc.

It can be difficult for some staff when they start to realise a child may be more knowledgeable in specific areas than adults, but if the Head and teachers are supportive and understand the situation it shouldn't be a problem. However, some adults can be wary or suspicious of children who seem TOO clever, so be on the lookout for staff or older children who react in a negative way.

When I retired I continued to do voluntary work in primary school, particularly supporting reading, but also encouraging any interests or talents a child might have. I had time to do that, whereas teacher or TA probably wouldn't have that flexibility.

There may well be local clubs or societies that could stimulate him; perhaps your local library or museum (if you have one) could suggest something. Just keep an open mind about it all, and enjoy learning together!

Bright kids tend to find their own interests, and all you need to do is pick up on them and give him as many materials and opportunities as you can to expand on them. Agree that having a peer group of like-minded kids is very helpful.

Believe me - I have no desire to pull him out of a good state school and make my life (even) more complicated and spend lots of money in the process. I am really just trying to see whether we need to think ahead about it. There is a bit of background to this which is that my DH was at a village primary and got bored very quickly and he lost the impetus to learn (and respect for his teachers) which he never really got back. He is very keen that the same doesn't happen to our DCs. I on the other hand had a fantastic primary and middle school but then a dreadful comprehensive school. Fortunately for me, we emigrated for a while when I was 14 and my DPs work paid for private school for us. I am sure I would never had ended up with the qualifications i have had we not had that opportunity. Ultimately, we just want them to reach their potential but making sure they are happy too. I don't want to hothouse him.

He's in a 3-form entry school, judged outstanding by ofsted, in a good (meaning fairly affluent) area. The head is fab. He had a young teacher who he loved last year but I think was probably quite inexperienced with kids like him. I have no idea what level the other kids are at, except from my limited discussions with some of the parents, they are way below him at reading. He's basically a free reader now but then he has had a head start. Next year he has a NQ teacher but she's older and seems quite switched on.

Flexybex - I am under no illusion that private school = good. I know there are crap private schools as well as crap state schools. I guess I was wondering whether he will be stuck doing lower level work than he can do and whether a private school might be better at stretching him in the longer term.

Indigo - I know you're not a fan of private schools

Ferguson - thanks for the input. Do you have any suggestion for raising it with the school without putting their noses of out joint?

Teacherwith2kids - he sounds very much like your DS! Similar level of maths too. That's very interesting about the teaching being rigid at private school - I didn't realise that. I actually think a montessori primary school would be ideal for him but they are few and far between...

Louey,

I would emphasise that teaching is not rigid in ALL private schools - just like proper differentiation for all children is not universal in all state schools.

It just so happens that, locally, the private primary system is set up as 7 years' coaching for entry to the residual superselective grammars in the county. They are exam factories, and their teaching and learning styles are set up for that.

There are a couple of prep schools too, but they feed into not-very-academic senior schools and are, like their senior schools, more about sport and social advantage than they are about academic stretching.

You really need to consider each individual school on its merits, not take decisions at a 'sector' level. Current school sounds good for you...

Hello. Well, my DH was and is very bright but didn't get much help from school or parents when young. What he did get however, was access to a library and in his opinion that is basically all you need. He was teaching himself from A level textbooks at some ridicuolusly young age. DS here is 5 too and seems bright. I think as long as they have access to information and are stimulated and happy you aren't going far wrong. I will only consider that his school needs changing if he seems unhappy/his behaviour changes etc etc.

I agree you are right to "plan ahead". Keep a close eye on how he is doing- all round. I completely agree that being turned off is the worst thing to happen and then it is time definitely to look around to see if his needs are better served elsewhere.

music

music music music

can you get him started on piano for eg?

errr, and as a musician I would say proceed with caution. It depends on the kid, but my DS (same age) is def not ready for piano lessons- in a year's time possibly but not at 5.

Why music?

I'm pretty clever but completely tone deaf. A piano would have done me no good at all.