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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Please tell me it is ok for your child to cry and hold onto you on their first day at school.

32 replies

trickydickie · 15/08/2012 12:55

Dd3 started school today. She was the only one in the class crying. Plus she had her arms so tightly round my neck that I thought she was about to do one her strangle holds on me.

No other child in the class cried.

Please tell me your child cried when he/she started school and they are a confidant brain surgeon type person now. She is shy and I obviously haven't instilled enough confidence in her. Oh when is it 3pm so I can go get her and never let her go back again.......

I knew I should have deferred her, I have made such a mistake. Is it too early for

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

littleducks · 15/08/2012 13:08

Mine skipped in happily on the first day, excited by the novelty. It was later I had problems, don't think that just because it was only your dd today it will stay like that forever!

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 15/08/2012 13:33

Of course it's okay if your child does that! Your DD is still very little and she will be fine. My DS was fine for the better part of reception, the all of a sudden i Year One he did not want to go to school - he screamed and cried many a moring. Teachers used to have to peel him off me. I left him there, crying all too often myself once I left.

He is now happy, loves school (mostly) and is looking forward to Year Three.

It is only too early for if you have to pick your DD up yourself. Might not be a great idea to wear Eau de Vino perfume on your first pick up!!

mrz · 15/08/2012 13:47

It's definitely OK for your child to cry and cling but it's not OK for you to cry (until you leave the playground) and cling.

Onthebottomwithawomansweekly · 15/08/2012 13:52

My DD was OK for a couple of weeks and then realised school was a permanent fixture and started clinging.

Her teacher gave me a very good tip "Hug and drop and go" - as the longer I was there trying to settle her, the longer she remained upset.

DD is now a VERY sociable 15yo (too sociable I think! can't get her to stay in and tidy her room) so yours will be fine!

kilmuir · 15/08/2012 13:58

Only one of my DC cried on day one but several of their classmates did.
Don't go there thinking or god forbid saying Mum is here to take you away from this place !
Lots of ' what a big girl you are, what wonderful things have you done etc'
Sometimes when they realise it is 5 days a week the novelty wears off and the tears/clinginess starts. And wait for near the end of term, they do get tired!
Yes have a large glass of vino this evening

lisaro · 15/08/2012 14:01

No, but my you gets waited about three weeks before he started to cry when being dropped off at nursery. And I'm talking full on dramatic production. The second we left though he was fine. He's now 18 and can be left alone without tears. It does stop eventually although it's upsetting at the time.

stealthsquiggle · 15/08/2012 14:01

I think the more remarkable thing was that OP's DD was the only one crying, TBH.

Absolutely agree that you need to put a brave face on it and be upbeat about school and what fun it is. If that doesn't work alone, bribery for 'putting a brave face on it' worked for a number of people I know.

stealthsquiggle · 15/08/2012 14:03

Oh, and my DS cried, as did my DD, on and off through nursery and into YR (as others have said, it's when they realise that it is for 'ever' that it really hits..). Both are fine and bounce happily into school nowadays.

ProbablyJustGas · 15/08/2012 14:06

DSD wailed on her first day of P1 at tender age 4.5, tried to hide behind DH's leg, and her teacher had to take her by the hand and walk her into class. But that was the first day only (as far as we are aware - CM drops her off normally).

She is much less afraid of new situations and new people (even works up the courage to introduce herself to strange kids and asks if they want to play :) ) now that she is 6.5.

JennerOSity · 15/08/2012 14:08

I cried buckets - am all confident now.

However no-one told me what to do if I needed the loo (ask teacher) or where they were, so I held on all day until I finally pee'd my pants and soaked my socks and shoes . The embarrassment still burns and I remember it clearly to this day (I am now 36)!!

Naoko · 15/08/2012 14:09

My mother informs me I was so scared I not only cried, but also threw up from pure nerves. I've turned out ok. :o

redpanda13 · 15/08/2012 14:22

Loads cried on DD's first day at school. I was slightly jealous as she did not even turn round to wave. Some of them even cried again after the October week break and a couple after Christmas too. Strangely a lot of the criers were very outgoing boys from her nursery.
None of them cried today as they went into P2. All smiles and cheery waves.

Labradorlover · 15/08/2012 14:47

That was my DD 2 years ago....she was prised off me and held by the teacher and teaching assistant while I left the classroom. I too thought I'd made the wrong decision by not deferring her ( Jan Bday ).....
She has thrived at school.

crazygracieuk · 15/08/2012 14:53

My boys cried on their first day and weren't alone. My oldest has just left primary school and is so confident that he got lead roles in school plays (including solos!) , picked for sports teams and was super popular. Nobody would guess what he was like on his first day.

Personally I noticed more criers after long holidays like Christmas, Mondays and half term.

((hugs)) I know how hard it is. It will hopefully get better soon.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 15/08/2012 15:06

DS2 was in tears and clinging on to the door frame of the classroom for the first week. By 6 weeks in I wasn't even allowed (by him) to enter the building as he could manage on his own. I used to get a kiss outside the door and in he went on his own.

They really do adjust quickly and even on the bad days they are fine after 10 mins; its you who is in bits for 3 hours afterwards .

thegreylady · 15/08/2012 15:44

Mine was worse-she screamed when I picked her up! She was very young ( August born) and went mornings only at first but was desperate to stay all day.

lyndie · 15/08/2012 15:49

My DS was awful for weeks (sorry) and then something just clicked and he was fine. He has always been like that in new situations. On the first day after dropping him off I went to mums in tears wailing 'why can't I have a normal little boy?!' - it did take him time to settle but he matched off to start P3 today without a backward glance. No idea how DD1 is going to be tomorrow though! I may be on here then!

BooksandBrunch · 15/08/2012 17:38

THREE MONTHS!!! Every day for three months for nursery (although I was told he was the worst case they'd ever seen). Ripped at me heart strings and I couldn't breathe at work. The same happened again at age 7. Wouldn't stay at the child minder's. Cried all the way home with her and wouldn't eat a thing. He's now a very confident 11 year old. So trust me, it does stop.

BooksandBrunch · 15/08/2012 17:40

Forgot to mention, some of the mums at his nursery school said they wished their kid would cry like mine and were peeved that their child wasn't bothered. Poor kids can't win. LOL. X

Original poster

trickydickie · 15/08/2012 19:14

Thanks everyone. You's have made me feel I am not alone and nor is Dd3. My other daughters just sailed into school without a backward glance.The poster who said her daughter cried when she got picked up, this happened with my first daughter too but at nursery. She is still very confident.

I have hope now - the son who has had starring roles in school play, excellent to hear

Labrador - great to hear you felt the same way as me but your daughter has thrived.

I think she was overwhelmed. There were 18 children in her class with 2 parents each and grandparents. There was a huge queue before we even got there and had to squeeze past people to get into her class.

Things will be quieter tomorrow so hoping for better things tomorrow morning. After tomorrow she goes in herself, so will just be quick kiss good bye.

Still not had my wine

OP posts:

GateGipsy · 15/08/2012 19:55

6 solid weeks. This was reception not nursery. Nursery he was fine. In reception he cried and clung to me every, single, day for six weeks. Then it stopped and he was fine. About four days of the week. I'd still get one day every week where he wouldn't let me leave.

daytoday · 15/08/2012 20:52

Of course some cry.

My extremely social son cried every day and hung on to me. He had never cried at nursery. After 2 months I swapped working hours with my husband and he dropped him off - no crying. It was bad for the first year. He is a lovely 11 year old now. He just didn't like saying goodbye to me.

Fairyliz · 15/08/2012 21:01

Yes lots of them cry and ten minutes later they are fine. Meanwhile the poor mums are sitting at home worried to death until they finally pick up the courage to phone the lady in the office (me) and I go and check if they are ok. They are usually playing happily with their new friends.

Don't worry she will soon settle.

Bunnyjo · 15/08/2012 21:21

DD was the opposite - she cried almost every day when going to nursery. The nursery were fab and I would sometimes stay in their staff room until she settled, which was within minutes. Wee monkey

I explained all this to her new school and fully expected to be peeling her from my leg have a few tears at drop off. She started school a week late as I had emergency surgery and DS had suspected meningitis within days of eachother - a whole other thread! So on her first day, we both walked into the class room together. She squeezed my hand, saw her lovely teacher and ran off shouting 'Bye, Mummy' in my general direction - no kiss, no cuddle, no tears, NOTHING!

Mummy, on the other hand, sobbed like a baby when I got back to the car

motherinferior · 15/08/2012 21:24

DD1 wept and wept that night and told me, heartrendingly littlesod that "the only time I smiled was when you came to get me, mummy". She is now about to start secondary school and will waltz in cheerily

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