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Original poster

Agh, I'm so worried about blubbing like a loon on DS1s first day!

32 replies

sheeplikessleep · 02/08/2012 09:42

OK, so since having kids, I'm more emotional. Also, DS2s 5am wake up every day inevitably means I'm more tired and I show tiredness by blubbing.

Disclaimers out of the way.

I'm worried about crying on DS1s first day. Any tips? DH is happy to work from home and take him - I'm thinking of doing this, as I think it will have less effect on DS1 (who is very much a daddy's boy, so wouldn't blink an eye about me not being there).

Anyone else the same or am I just being pathetic?

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redskyatnight · 02/08/2012 11:13

I think lots of parents feel like this. By all means get DH to take him if you are comfortable with this. If you do take him yourself, be as matter as fact as possible, leave him as soon as you can, then run like mad and have a cry when you get round the corner (i.e. when he can't see you !)

Actually you might surprise yourself. When the DC started school the staff were almost clinical in their efficiency - and it didn't feel like the huge big deal that I'd built it up to be.

pigsinmud · 02/08/2012 11:16

Will you blub if he is happy or if he is clinging to you....or both?Smile

I have 4 dc and I nearly cried when dc1 started school because he was a clinger. He was fine on the first day, but not the second, third.... I escaped as soon as he started crying because I knew I would start. Also it was better for the teacher to deal with him and he was fine as soon as I had gone.

The other 3 were fine. Lots of people told me that I'd cry when dc4 started, but I didn't - just glad she was happy to be left.

If you are going to blub either way then better for your dh to take him. Could you go to the gate and let dh do the rest?

Original poster
sheeplikessleep · 02/08/2012 11:19

Thanks redsky. That's reassuring. Good idea to be as matter of fact about it and not hang around. DS1 is excited about it and knows a few of the other children who will be in his class, from nursery (small village), so I'm hoping he will just go off with his friends (as he does at nursery).

What happens if kids do start crying themselves / get upset? Do the teachers get involved, or are we, as parents, expected to calm them down before they go in? What if they don't calm down? Sometimes it's not knowing these things that makes it worse!

OP posts:
Original poster
sheeplikessleep · 02/08/2012 11:21

cross post schilke - i'll probably cry in both situations Blush

i don't think he will cry. but when he gets nervous, he tends to put on his fake smile and just hang around my leg and just look nervous, as though he is holding back tears himself (wonder where he learnt that from!). he won't cry clinging to me.

OP posts:
pigsinmud · 02/08/2012 11:24

I found the teacher and TA were quick to detach any crying children from the parent. I knew it was better if I was not there when dc1 got upset because I was then on the brink of tears myself. I think the children settle better if you make a quick goodbye as the other poster said.

Original poster
sheeplikessleep · 02/08/2012 11:27

thanks schilke, a quick positive goodbye and hug is the strategy then. i'm not sure if both dh and i being there will make it a 'big deal' for ds1. i'm possibly overthinking this Grin

thanks for posting.

OP posts:
GwendolineMaryLacey · 02/08/2012 11:32

We've been told that all children will be peeled from us taken swiftly away and we are not to cling to the fence howling! They have also said that if we are in desperate need of a cuddle and a tissue to go to the office where the head will be delighted to oblige because obviously she has bugger all better to be doing than hugging parents!

I suspect the local Caffe Nero will need to lay on extra napkins that day though :o

I am so going to blub Blush

Original poster
sheeplikessleep · 02/08/2012 11:40

lol gwendoline

OP posts:
dixiechick1975 · 02/08/2012 18:50

I didn't cry but was suprised by how I felt - very much end of an era. I arranged to meet a friend for coffee afterwards who was in the same boat which helped.

IslaValargeone · 02/08/2012 18:52

I noticed that there were a fair number of parents wearing sunglasses on the first day myself included, it was quite a handy way of hiding the tears.
I wouldn't worry, you won't be alone, just pray it is a sunny day though :o

IslaValargeone · 02/08/2012 18:56

I'll warn you in advance that the first school nativity might also be an issue for you then.
My dc was one of the kings and I had to hide behind a hymn sheet, thinking everyone else was a heartless bitch for not showing any emotion.
I would have needed therapy had she been Mary.

Original poster
sheeplikessleep · 02/08/2012 19:43

Oh gawd, school nativity

OP posts:
GWenlockMaryLacey · 02/08/2012 21:26

Oh I cried through last year's Wriggly Nativity and wore sunglasses inside. I was 39 weeks pregnant though excuses

sixp · 05/08/2012 08:45

Joanna Mitcham has this poem in her book The Glue Between Our Bones, which sums it up for me. I will cry!

Deferring Motherhood

I am not ready for you to go to school.
I do not want you to run in smiling
and leave me standing unravelling.
I do not want you to look smart and proud
My voice would break if I spoke out loud.
I do not want you to quickly make friends.
To settle in well.
To understand the rhythms.
But - I will smile and wave
As I stand at the gate.
I will pack your lunch
wish you the best day.
I will chat to the parents
make sure you're all set.
I will do it all mechanically
and pine for your news
when you come bounding
back to me
on your release.

GoldenGreen · 05/08/2012 08:51

I was worried about this too, but I was determined not to show ds there was anything wrong, so was absolutely fine in the end. It was actually a couple of weeks before when he was trying on his school uniform that I got really emotional - have you done that yet?!

ladybirdpoppy · 05/08/2012 22:27

My DS started reception last year, I can still distinctly remember that morning, I help was helping him put his socks and shoes on, I bent down to fixed his socks right and then the tears started to come, I had to walk out the room without him looking and my OH helped DS with his shoes. That day at work I was counting the hours down to 3.30pm and practically sprinted round to school to collect him. The following days were ok, I knew I would get a bit teary as it was the first time I had seen him in his full uniform and he looked all grown up and going out into the big wide world ... just wait until the Harvest Festival concerts, Nativity and sports day .... and even his last day in Reception... I always have a spare tissue in my pocket.

GWenlockMaryLacey · 05/08/2012 22:44

Oh God, I'm sniffing just reading those last couple of posts. I'm not ready for her to go. She is, but I'm not. She's still so little, so worried about everything, so desperate for reassurance about things. She's not going to get that in school, no matter how lovely her teacher is :(

Does everyone feel like this?

mebutnotme · 17/08/2012 14:53

I do! I am in pieces thinking about her going, I will miss her so much, these 5 years have been so wonderful.

shelley72 · 17/08/2012 15:08

i was going to post something similar the other day - but decided against it as i am worried that there is something seriously wrong with me.

i dont want DS to go to school. there. i've said it.

he is too little, too innocent, too gentle, too sweet. he worries a lot about things, so much so that he will keep it all hidden inside (cant imagine where he gets that from). his teacher seems lovely but she wont be able to tend to him, cuddle him, reassure him, answer all of his daft questions with 25 other children to look after.

he tried on his school uniform on monday and i have been in tears on and off ever since. he left his small, happy nursery where he has been cocooned for nearly four years this week and i was in bits, as was he.

i am trying really hard to put on a brave face and tell him how wonderful school will be, how he will make new friends etc - we got allocated our third choice and we dont know anyone at the new school. i think he can see right through my fake positivity.

i seriously doubt how i am going to hold it together come september. most nursery parents i know were/are desperate for their DCs to start school (no fees!) but i cannot think of anything i would like less. i feel like i am losing my little boy and we just wont have the same relationship ever again.

so OP you wont be the only one blubbing like a loon on the first day - i will be hiding behind my sunglasses too.

Dillydollydaydream · 17/08/2012 15:17

My youngest starts nursery in september and I'm pretty sure I'm going to be blubbing in his first day. He is a clingy child and has speech and language difficulties. I'm really anxious how he'll be even though the nursery staff have reassured me.
I think it's worse this time as I haven't any more dc at home to distract me. I hope your dc settles well.

drjohnsonscat · 17/08/2012 15:23

on a practical level, if you drink, you cannot cry. I'm talking about water, not wine here! The act of swallowing makes you stop crying (temporarily). So take a bottle of water with you and sip at it whenever you feel things bubbling up. I use this to control my urge to cry in lots of situations and it works. You will get through a litre!

I know what you mean though - our slightly scary headmistress was talking to me in the corridor one day a good 6 months after my DD had started school and I was telling her how much she was enjoying it and I started to cry Blush. Headmistress clearly thinks I am a loon. Fair enough.

mebutnotme · 17/08/2012 15:38

shelly you have just described EXACTLY how I'm feeling xx

MrsNouveauRichards · 17/08/2012 15:56

I'm not really one for crying (as long as it is not Christmas and the salvation army are playing in the town square - gulp) but I know a few parents who will be teary, so planning on seeing if anyone wants to come for a coffee after drop off.
Sometimes it can help knowing your children are all together and you are not the only one feeling teary.

MoDiddly · 17/08/2012 15:57

As a Reception teacher, we use a grab and run strategy!

1 Take child from wibbly parent
2 Say "Bye Mummy / Daddy, see you later"
3 Rush child inside for something exciting to start the day with
4 Soon as child is settled send post it note to office with child's name on

Parents then ring the school office 10 - 15 mins later and a lovely member of office staff will let them know child is ok.
And (touch wood) they always are! Grin

shelley72 · 17/08/2012 16:31

thank you MoDiddly - still not helping Sad. he has found every room change at nursery traumatic (and so, in turn, have i) and i am utterly dreading the same happening again with school. i dont want september to come.

mebutnotme im glad it isnt just me - i honestly was beginning to think that i was having the start of some kind of breakdown.

drjohnsonscat that is a very good tip about the drinking. i will try and hold of the wine at least until i get him home at 1pm Grin!