Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Why are girls so mean to each other?

45 replies

Cinderella123 · 11/07/2012 12:45

Hi this is my first ever post, but feeling the need to rant; Why are girls so bitchy and mean to each other inparticularly in year 5/6. There seems to be so much jealousy, favouritism and leaving each other out and every day there seems to be another niggly issue.
Do any of you have problems with this age or is it just my DD's school? Please tell me I'm not alone :-( I find it so depressing.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

manicstreetpreacher · 11/07/2012 12:49

Hey! I'm new too and no, you are not alone.

I sometimes think that I went wrong in bringing up my dd to be a decent human being and I should have bought her up to be a nasty little cow, the kind that are always, for some odd reason, popular and loved by everyone. It's heartbreaking somedays when she comes home in tears but there's not a lot you can do really. Most of the time the parents of these little sods are oblivious to their behaviour and the teachers just aren't interested.

Insanity · 11/07/2012 12:49

You are not alone! But it's part of growing up, I even remember doing it myself when I was a young girl.

I think the thing to do is listen but don't have an opinion as tomorrow they could all be friends again. And when they get to year 7 they will realise they are in fact little fish :)

Boys do the same at this age, all trying to outdo each other, I blame it on the hormones!

manicstreetpreacher · 11/07/2012 12:52

Another thing I have always thought - if they could stop being bitches to one another for a given period of time and focus on something good then just imagine what they could achieve! World peace maybe? They're sure calculating enough - they just don't put it to any other use than to hurt each other. It's all very sad.

Original poster

Cinderella123 · 11/07/2012 13:00

I agree that it is probably hormones and that they make up the next day while you are still left worrying about it! I try not to get involved but just be there to listen to her when she needs it. The problem is we are very close so she tells me EVERYTHING (some of it is her being over sensitive) and in someways thats worse! I cant help wanting to protect her.
I am in no doubt that my child is not perfect but what you see is what you get, a friendly happy girl who likes to be friends with everyone (who also gets involved in things she shouldn't) Not a horrid child at all! I wish I could bang all their heads together,

OP posts:

AdventuresWithVoles · 11/07/2012 13:04

omg, I could write essays

Every day a new soap opera, Absolutely BFF 2 weeks ago is now mortal enemy. Mutual gestures of highly inventive nastiness and constantly shifting alliances of friends and enemies ("the enemy of my enemy is my friend"). It might all be different next week. Wouldn't surprise me.

I just sit in quiet astonishment thru the daily updates.

DS was simply bullied & always punching someone at this age.

Bunbaker · 11/07/2012 13:08

I feel your pain. DD has been through this. Unfortunately year 7 is even worse, and I am dreading year 8.

anklebitersmum · 11/07/2012 13:11

Oh my...they get it off their equally mean-spirited Mothers in my experience. You know the sort who's still acting like she's 11 at 41 in the playground..

Did any of you see the experiment where they had a house of boys and a house of girls? Girls were flippin dreadful with top bitch dog established and a posse recruited within hours of arrival. Boys were all busy eating everything, having water fights and generally 'being boys'.

wheresthebeach · 11/07/2012 13:12

Oh crap...we're having it in Yr3 and I'd hoped it would get better!

AlmostAHipster · 11/07/2012 13:13

Sorry to say this but years 8 and 9 are by far the worst. Some girls just behave appallingly and nothing anyone can do seems to make them stop.

All I have been able to do is to support my daughters and guide them on managing their own behaviour - keeping a large circle of friends, disengaging from the nastiness and asking for adult help when it all gets too much.

It's so draining but it will pass I bloody hope

simbo · 11/07/2012 13:13

At our school it is always like this with the girls, but I have to say that when I was their sort of age and went to high school it actually got worse, as some of us moved on to new friends and others didn't like it. You just have to try and teach your kids to be true to themselves and not rely on others for their sense of self esteem.

anklebitersmum · 11/07/2012 13:17

It was called Boys and Girls alone and was on channel4 in 2009. Interesting but was a bit controversial because normal kids don't act like that really

otherpeopleslifes · 11/07/2012 13:19

My DD went through primary school never joining in with all the bitchiness and manipulation, it all went over her head, which brought its own problems as she was effectively considered not worth being friends with as she wouldn't join in with the bitchiness and couldn't be manipulated. Apart from two best friends she was cold-shouldered by all the other girls most of the time. I can't tell you how painful it was sitting in the leavers assembly listening to the praise heaped upon the nasty bitches popular girls by the teachers as unfortunately often the nastiest are also the most charming to adults IMO.

I hope that her kindness and friendliness to all will pay off in the long-run, but every so often I too wish I had instilled in her how to be a bitchy cow as it seems to get you further than kindness in this life

ripsishere · 11/07/2012 13:24

You aren't alone OP I'm afraid. My DD was 11 recently and joined her current school last year. She's been to four others (abroad), all have had elements of nasty girls and gangs. This is by far the worst. Possibly, due to the age of her cohort.

Original poster

Cinderella123 · 11/07/2012 13:27

Thanks for all the valuable advice. I too was hoping things would ease once they had left primary school.... It seems not. I try to remind my DD that it's her this week and will be some other poor soul next week and so to remember how it feels and be there for them AND DON'T JOIN IN. I think there is an element of the girls rather being in the gang than being the one leafy out. They are all as bad as each other.

OP posts:

otherpeopleslifes · 11/07/2012 13:27

Someone told me that from Yr9 onwards it gets better!

simbo · 11/07/2012 13:30

That sounds about right. That's when boys start featuring in the equation...

Original poster

Cinderella123 · 11/07/2012 13:30

Have also found that the nastiest seem to be very popular with teachers/adults too. Go figure?!

OP posts:

Rockpool · 11/07/2012 13:39

Oh great,we've got this in year 2 and was hoping for better next year.I have 2 boys and 1 girl and I'm utterly shocked at the nastiness involved with girls and school.I've literally never had a single problem with either of my boys playing with their mates,other boys etc.

I don't get the running down,making children feel crap,secret clubs,sly stamping on fingers,snatching,excluding............I also hate the way the worst girls involved are masters at pulling the wool over teacher's eyes.I actually think it gets so tiresome for teachers they often don't deal with it properly or take it seriously and so it goes on.

Original poster

Cinderella123 · 11/07/2012 13:45

I agree rockpool. Teachers don't seem to see it or want to see it. (maybe they are just as sick of it as we are)

OP posts:

AdventuresWithVoles · 11/07/2012 13:51

I loved the Boys+Girls Alone show, had horrified response on MN at the time, though.

otherpeopleslifes · 11/07/2012 13:56

You do just have to be there, listen if needed, remind them about what really matters in life, keep their self-esteem up.

I have always impressed on my DD to treat everyone how you would like to be treated and the best thing a teacher ever wrote on a report in Yr5 was "I really admire X for her ability to be her own person and not to bow to peer pressure; this is a very refreshing phenomenon these days." My daughter was fortunate in having two friends who also did not join in with the nastiness, they are still best friends three years later even though they are at different schools. Girls can do it, they can be consistent and nice, but it is so hard for them to be confident enough to not join in with the ones who instigate the nastiness. If you did the house experiment then a week later went in and removed the ring leaders, would they then get on? that'd be a good experiment!

Ample · 11/07/2012 14:00

I have a young dd so not at that stage yet but I know you are not alone. That is thee age and nobody is spared.
Get a copy of 'Queen Bees and Wannabes'. It's a real eye-opener, it doesn't tell you how you can control it - you can't - but the hows and whys....
It's an v.interesting read.

LittenTree · 11/07/2012 15:13

I feel your pain. I have 2 DSs and I have to say that, ime, their friendships are so much less problematic than those of my friends' DDs!

I genuinely feel that the way women treat each other is why, in the 21st century, women still lag behind men economically and, dare I say, socially. If a woman 'suceeds', her first detractors will be other women. We don't need men to treat us like second class citizens, we do a fine job ourselves to each other.

FWIW I recall an incident in my lower 6th (Y12). A girl we shall call M arrived from a tough London comp to a market town girls GS, supposedly a hot bed of intelligent yound women. Anyway, she was Queen Bee. She could be fun to be with if you were 'on side' but... She was a master at exclusion/inclusion/cold-shouldering/manipulating. One day, the rest of us got together and decided to give her a taste of her own medicine. M. lasted 20 minutes before managing to corner our 'weakest link' in the loos and tearfully demand to know How could we all be so horrible? Expecting this, we walked in and explained why we'd done it, and asked how she felt and don't fekken well do it again, you cow!

Quite effective!

Incidentally, her mother was a complete cow, too....

manicstreetpreacher · 11/07/2012 16:27

What annoyed my dd the most (and me!) was the fact that some sod would wind her up and wind her up yet the minute she said something back in realiation SHE would be the one who got into trouble and the winder upper(s) got off scot free! Yes, I know two wrongs don't make a right but why aren't you allowed to defend yourself? What kind of message does this give out? 'Oh - it's ok to wind up so and so cos we'll just report it to teacher if she gives us any back and we'll get her into trouble. Great.' Er, no. Don't think so.

I actually had to change dd's primary school because of these incidents. When I asked teacher the reasoning behind this he said that dd should just walk away from any crap she was being given. Yeah right - because that really stops them doesn't it? She tried that. She even got punched on one occasion but because the popular little madam who punched her was teacher's pet no discipline was meted out as she denied it and my dd was then made to apologise to HER for lying! I don't know whether or not it had anything to do with the fact that her mum was on the PTA and her gran a TA but needless to say I got her out of there.

Much as I love my dd and would never be without her I do think I'd have been better off with a boy. Don't they just fight then dust themselves down and shake hands afterwards? Or am I falling for the greener grass scenario? Either way, I doubt they're as nasty and calculating as most the girls seem to be.

manicstreetpreacher · 11/07/2012 16:31

Litten that's a great story! Don't think that would work atm for us as there is still a 'sheep' mentality towards these kind of girls. Nasty girls have more friends because it's just easier for a lot of girls to go along with them in the hope that queen bee's nastiness won't be directed at them.

Flip

1 2