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Primary education

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Original poster

Giving information about rape in Sex Education

34 replies

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 28/06/2012 19:38

SRE today for dd (y6)

A child asked what rape was and the teacher said it was sex without consent.
Am a bit gutted, feel dd is too young to know this.

I work in y6 and when this question has been asked, in my experience, it is discussed with the particular pupil after the session.

Prepared to be flamed.
Hate the lost of innocence though.

OP posts:
maples · 28/06/2012 19:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AllPastYears · 28/06/2012 19:47

Wonder what the teacher could have said? DD asked me when she was about 6 or 7 (she'd read it on the teletext, that was the last time I ever looked at teletext news with kids in the room!) and I said to ask me when she was older, but she kept on and on. Maybe I should have said something about it being a kind of violence. Y6 is a lot older than 6/7 though. So what is a good answer?

FleetofHope · 28/06/2012 19:48

I wouldn't worry too much - I remember having a frank discussion is yr 6 with one of my classmates about how women couldn't rape men. We both clearly understood the concept and I don't remember it concerning us - it was a fact of life. Plus, don't underestimate the fact that your DD can't really understand how horrifying rape is yet, perversely her innocence may protect her. Still not sure I think the teacher should have explained it though!

FleetofHope · 28/06/2012 19:49

Also, kids do just pick these things up though - I found out what abortion was from the Archers (!) when I was about 8!

Original poster
MoreCrackThanHarlem · 28/06/2012 19:49

I know you're right.
And actually- she has asked this before, and I gave a non specific waffley answer about being forced to do something against your wishes.

Still, it feels so wrong that she would have to know this at 11.
The teacher told them it could happen between a parent and child. Would have thought more carefully about her participation if I knew sexual abuse and rape in families was to be discussed.

OP posts:
EclecticShock · 28/06/2012 19:50

I guess they are trying to counter child abuse?

EclecticShock · 28/06/2012 19:52

I don't think the cons of informing a child who is not abused, outweigh the pros of informing a child who is being abused.

EclecticShock · 28/06/2012 19:52

11 is old enough IMO.

Original poster
MoreCrackThanHarlem · 28/06/2012 19:53

She knows about sex, contraception and abortion from discussion at home.
Sexual violence is a subject I haven't spoken about because I didn't feel she was mature enough.

Usually a teacher in an SRE session would make it clear that there are some questions she wouldn't answer if she felt they were age inappropriate.

OP posts:
EclecticShock · 28/06/2012 19:58

I think at 11, you are questioning and discussing all kinds of things with your friends. Best to hear it from a reliable source IMO.

MrsRobertDuvallHasRosacea · 28/06/2012 20:00

sorry, at 11 she is old enough.
The teacher gve a direct answer to a question...saying "come and see me later" cloaks it in mystery, and draws attention to it.

Petsinmypudenda · 28/06/2012 20:00

I think it was good the teacher explains rather than say we cant answer that., the children would of been curious and talked about it later together with no facts. Misinformation is worse than no information

Original poster
MoreCrackThanHarlem · 28/06/2012 20:00

I agree that it is better coming from the teacher than the playground.
And tbh, I feel a little relieved, as it is a conversation I'm not sure I could bring myself to have with her.

I just wish it wasn't a necessary discussion, I suppose.

OP posts:
EclecticShock · 28/06/2012 20:02

I completely understand your point. Also, I think you're right. Much easier for her and you coming from a teacher.

learnandsay · 28/06/2012 22:39

I think child abuse is normally considered a separate subject.

Although it's possible to discuss any subject with children, that doesn't mean that it's necessary. If someone wanted to discuss rape with my child I'd want to know why. And if they could convince me that it was a good idea, then fine.

And if they couldn't she'd play hopscotch instead.

Popoozle · 28/06/2012 22:44

DS2 had the his Y6 sex education today too. Had the same question been asked in his class, I would have been happy for that explanation to be given.

It was factual and, IMO, 11 is old enough to hear that. Simple & to the point.

Original poster
MoreCrackThanHarlem · 28/06/2012 22:48

Learnandsay- so will you be asking that your child be excluded from SRE in year 6?
It is impossible to know what questions will be asked by other children until the session takes place and you will not be able to control this once you have given consent for your child to take part.

Dd has since revealed other 'interesting' questions asked by her classmates, such as 'what's the difference between sex and humping?'

OP posts:
learnandsay · 28/06/2012 22:52

Blimey, that happens? hmm, they'd better be sending me a syllabus of the whole sex education thing for the whole duration then, or she'll be withdrawn. We got along with magazines from boys on the school bus. I don't like this progress thing.

Original poster
MoreCrackThanHarlem · 28/06/2012 23:11

Not sure that boys on the school bus make the best sex education teachers.
Surely you wouldn't withdraw from SRE in favour of ill informed teenage boys who could tell your daughter that she can't get pregnant if she has sex standing up?

OP posts:
CouthyMow · 28/06/2012 23:23

At 11, she will be going into Secondary this year. Will she be walking to school alone then? Do you not think that 11 is a perfect age to arm DC with the knowledge that no-one is allowed to touch them in a way that they are not comfortable with? It is the age when they start having more freedom, going out alone with their friends etc.

It's not nice, but forewarned is forearmed, my DD has had a boy in her year squeeze her boobs when they were in the corridor at school when she was just 12yo in Y7. She slapped him and told him he was NOT to touch her without her permission, and that a skanky creep like him would NEVER have her permission to touch her, or even touch her bogies!

You would be surprised what happens, even in 'outstanding' schools like DD's. If DD hadn't known about rape, and the fact that anyone has to have HER permission to touch her, I am sure her reaction would have been different. And more accepting of 'minor' sexual abuse.

NoComet · 28/06/2012 23:45

DD2 is in Y6 and I wouldn't mind her knowing, (may do already, she has free Internet access and reads as well as I do).

mrz · 29/06/2012 06:24

I'm sure the teacher didn't plan to discuss this but when asked directly by a pupil obviously felt they needed an answer.

fireice · 29/06/2012 06:29

You don't have to know about rape (or sex) to know that no-one is allowed to touch without consent.

FallenCaryatid · 29/06/2012 07:25

'And tbh, I feel a little relieved, as it is a conversation I'm not sure I could bring myself to have with her.'

I agree that some parents find some areas of sex ed tricky, and that's why it's essential in schools.Doesn't sound like the teacher had an in-depth discussion of rape, OP, just gave a definition that your DD could have found in a dictionary.
Shock at hopscotch instead, learn and say.
Couthymow, your DD sounds very clear on the subject, and hopefully has communicated that to the groper.Smile

learnandsay · 29/06/2012 08:02

Isn't the normal way to go about this to start with the when a man loves a woman very much.....story?

You don't need to teach every kind of aberration for students to know that one is occurring. When we teach driving we don't explain that to have three friends smoking weed in the back and a monkey on the front seat is wrong. We teach what you should do, and by implication anything which doesn't fit into this pattern is wrong. (OK, driving has far fewer acceptable permutations than sex does. But for children I think that's a fair starting point.)

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