Giving information about rape in Sex Education

[MoreCrackThanHarlem]

SRE today for dd (y6)

A child asked what rape was and the teacher said it was sex without consent.
Am a bit gutted, feel dd is too young to know this.

I work in y6 and when this question has been asked, in my experience, it is discussed with the particular pupil after the session.

Prepared to be flamed.
Hate the lost of innocence though.

It sounds like the remark was in response to a specific question rather than part of the teachers planned content.

learnandsay:

"Isn't the normal way to go about this to start with the when a man loves a woman very much.....story?

You don't need to teach every kind of aberration for students to know that one is occurring. "

My parents never talked to me about sex, and I didn't get an awful lot of sex ed at school either. My mum would occasionally give dark warnings never to walk home on my own at night (or probably any other time!) But I couldn't talk to her about it - if the subject is not out in the open, it becomes difficult for the child to forsee, let alone discuss, what might happen, and when, and what to do about it. I'm thinking of minor incidents rather than rape - if I'd been groped as a 12-year old like CouthyMow's daughter I'd probably have had no idea what to do - and a vague sense, instilled by my mum, that some of the blame lay with me for putting myself in a risky situation.

She asked and got a factually accurate answer. I wouldn't think that was a problem.

Actually, yes I would be happy for it to be raised - it just gently plants a thought that a girl can with hold consent if she chooses- to sex of any sort including groping etc. THat is pretty empowering.

Sadly, yes it is something that some poor 11yr olds may need to be aware of too because it is directly relevant to them.

Personally at primary age I thought rape was some sort of awful genital mutilation crime- no idea what I'd been reading or listening to on the radio - would have been much better if I'd been factually informed.

IT seemed a fairly sensible answer to a straightforward question. Unless you switch the radio off every time the news comes on, children are bound to have heard of rape and probably just have an uneasy feeling about what it actually is. It's much better that they can ask. I think it's good that the Sex Ed lesson was obviously open and honest enough for these kind of questions to be raised. Personal boundaries etc is just what they should be thinking about and discussing at this age - hopefully slightly before it becomes something they need to consider in their own relationships and feelings.

learn and say "start with a man loves a woman very much..." I think this part of the story is covered in Yr 5 (and earlier in this house!) .

A teacher is a far more reliable source than the play ground and as horrible as it is to think that in a few years my dd is also gonna be told about all this stuff, I would far rather if came from an honest trust worthy source like her teacher who would give a true factual answer. Trust in teachers is vital and if the teacher had got flustered and refused to answer then it could well make any kid it happened too feel they had absolutely no one they could ask or talk to :(

It's a sad fact that some of them will be being pressurised for sex by the time they're 12 - surely you'd rather they knew it was a criminal offence?

Isn't the general thinking regarding sex ed that you should answer the question asked, and not go further, as that is usually enough for that child's age? At 11, they are bound to have heard about rape so the question is valid, and the answer seems perfect to me - it has answered the question without going into unnecessary detail. I agree that if it had been swept aside then it would have just made it a "bigger" thing.

Obviously age is a factor here. Had a 5 year old asked the question you'd want to discuss 1 on 1, not least to find out how they know about rape. So yes that does leave a broad age range of when exactly its ok to ask, and I presume that's why they don't just let anyone in to teach sex ed.

Thanks for all your replies.
I'm feeling much more comfortable with it today, after mulling over these posts.

I have been open about sex, reproduction and relationships since dd was 6ish, but still find sexual violence a tricky area to approach.
I have reconciled with the fact that the teacher was probably better placed to explain this, providing dd with a clear factual answer.

And actually, as is usual, my daughter seems quite at ease with the info from the lesson, whilst I fret and debate the rights/wrongs.

IMO I think it is old enough.

And although it's a very small number, children get abused etc by people they know and can consider it normal. I think although it's such a difficult subject and no one wants their child's innocence lost - children need to be informed of the basics, and to know there is people out there who can help etc. if no one mentions it's wrong-how will they ever know?

I little off the subject, but just my view.