Rude Headteacher

[sandything]

I am absolutely fuming. I'd asked my kid's HT if she could countersign their passport photos a week ago. She'd agreed, but this morning still hadn't done it and the holiday is drawing closer. So this morning, she again said she would have it ready by tomorrow. So I said, are you sure, because otherwise I can ask someone else, because I am running out of time. She said yes, I said thank you. I was in no way rude, I am very unconfrontational. 15 minutes later I get a call from her secretary, telling me that the HT thought I was very rude and I can collect the unsigned passport forms and get someone else to do it! I was flabbergasted, because I am just one of those people who go through life rarely having rows, I'm very laid back. There have never been any issues at the school, my eldest is in y5.
I think she is like this with a lot of parents, the whole feel of the school has changed since she became head 2 years ago.Teachers are dropping like flies. I have never complained. Now I really feel like writing a strongly worded letter, drawing some attention to her interpersonal skills and how she will need them to survive. I was never one to complain, but now I will be writing letters when I'm not happy and I will not be giving supportive feedback to the ofsted inspectors.
I am a 41 year old woman, I do not expected to be treated like a naughty schoolgirl, especially when I have done nothing wrong. Should I write the letter?

I can see why you are annoyed (I would be too), but writing a letter about something that has nothing to do with the way she runs the school will achieve nothing. Take a deep breath and let it go. However, I agree that when I was asked for feedback about the school, it would be coloured by the head's attitude.

Oh I don't know- think I might write a letter expressing my surprise that she thought you were rude and sorry that there had clearly been a misunderstanding/ miscommunication. I would find it hard not to do something!

I would write a letter, and I would write one to the governors complaining as well. That's a crazy attitude from a headteacher.

Thanks. I do feel I need to do something. If I'd been slightly rude, or we'd had issues in the past, maybe I could let it go, but I was SO not rude. And surely a head needs to be approachable.

Hmm, tricky one. The HT wasn't being unapproachable about anything to do with the school so I don't think it's appropriate to involve the governors. They might decide that the HT is too busy to do anything that isn't solely her job and you might find that you need a favour in the future.

If you want to take it further I'd speak the HT and say that you're sorry she thought you were being rude but you weren't and that you'll take your application elsewhere.

Sometimes a busy person can be chippy about little things like this

I would absolutely write a letter, and then think twice about whether to send it. Sometimes it just good to have a rant to get it out of your system.

I feel sorry for the receptionist having to pass on the HT's displeasure. To tell the OP that the HT thought she was rude was unnecessary.

It sounds like perhaps you caught her at a bad moment, and that she's very busy with other things, like running the school. Counter-signing photos for passports can take quite a long time, and GPs usually charge for doing it. I'm not sure you can complain about something which she would only have been doing as a favour to you anyway. Forget it, and find someone (less busy) to do it instead.

what i find bizzare is the fact that OP discussed this a second time with HT who said 'yes' that she will do it, only to send her PA to then phone minutes later complain about OP being rude. Why didnt she act like an adult and tell OP herself when they discussed why did she say 'Yes' ? This not how adults deal with things, HT sounds very childish.

I would be writing a very strong letter to the board of governors, although OP is not critisizing her running of the school, i would seriously question her pastoral care.

Mmm, I'm having a girls' night in tonight, so maybe just a good rant will do it. The issue may seem a bit trivial, it's the broader issue of her interpersonal skills and high-handed manner. She has alienated a lot of people. Not a good idea politically, especially when it's your first job as a head in a school that was told to pull it's socks up by Ofsted. Teacher turnover is high. My DD has had 4 form teachers in 2 years. Maybe I'll just leave and wait for the chickens to come home to roost.

I think it's fair enough to object to her manner - but I'm surprised she agreed to countersign the form in the first place.

Perception is everything. You may not have percieved yourself (or certainly intended) to be rude, but the head teacher percieved that you were. You asked a favour, when as another poster pointed out she was busy with all the things heads do, especially at this time of year. She hadn't done it when you went for it, you explained it was getting late (were you feeling stressed that it wouldn't be ready in time?); maybe she felt you were hassling her. And the "are you sure you can do it or I'll take it somewhere else could have sounded hassling her to get on with it.

Have never heard before of anyone asking a headteacher to sign passport photos though no doubt people will tell me it happens all the time....

If the Headteacher hadn't signed the forms after a week, that was very remiss of her. I know she is busy but that isn't the point. The OP was relying on her to sign the photographs, without them the children will miss their holiday.

After a week I feel she should have signed them immediately and handed them over. That would have been the decent, polite and responsible thing to do. As to whether or not this merits a complaint, Hmm not sure. I'd certainly feel like complaining but might let it go this time over this particular matter.

No, don't write a letter now, about this.

Remember this incident, and remember what sort of person she is. When she requests your support in the future, don't offer it. There will be a time. And yes, do write letters in the future when you are not happy, and remember to copy in the governors.

I got the HT to sign my DS passport - Was told to give a small donation to school - gave £20 and the secretary came running after me as I was on way out giving me £10 back as was too much

I'm not impressed with her secretary. A really good secretary would have got the forms signed by the deputy head before she even lifted the phone to you.

The head teacher should have said "you know what? I feel awful saying this but I've too many other forms piled up on my desk - I know you wouldn't want me to put those aside, I hope you understand".

Clawdy - many people ask teachers or the school office ime.

Yes, and they do it out of the goodness of their hearts, in their spare time! No other motivation. I think you were a bit rude to say "are you sure, because otherwise I can ask someone else, because I am running out of time" AFTER she had just told you she would have it ready for you tomorrow, even though she would most certainly be busy. Might have made even the nicest school staff member feel a little peeved, imo.

Clawdy teachers/heads don't charge whereas doctors do

I'm afraid however nice you try to make your face look and your voice sound, to ask someone whether they are sure they can do something they have just that second promised you they will do is 100% guaranteed to come across as rude and implying you think they are lying and you don't trust them. Having asked her again and got a response that she would have it done by tomorrow, you should have left it at that (the explanation about running out of time could only possibly politely have gone before her latest promise, not after it...), but quietly looked around to find someone else who might be able to do it for you, instead - then, if the countersigned photos hadn't transpired when promised, you could have apologised profusely for putting this extra responsibility on her at such a busy time and told her you'd found someone else to do it and sorry for the inconvenience.

I will be brave being the first person to put the opposite view! I am a medic so get asked to do these now and then, usually by close friends. I never mind but as others point out it does take time, requires the signing person to do it properly etc and also to give their own passport details. I would not dream of asking our own head to do the same for me, but maybe this is normal?

She must have felt you were hassling her to do something which she in no way is expected to do, shame it wasn't communicated better. In your shoes I would be upset someone had considered me rude but would not be angry with the head for failing to sign a form in the speedy way you wanted ( as had you been more organised, there would have been no rush after all). I would apologise about the perceived rudeness but re-align my expectations of what the head's role actually is.

I await the avalanche of abuse from everyone now....

The HT at DS2's primary school will not sign passport forms at all, under any timescales. He says that if he signs one he'll have to sign them for all who ask & he doesn't have the time for that .

YANBU to expect the HT to be polite to you but you are a bit U expecting her to prioritise your passport forms in any way.

I too would be upset that someone found me rude. However, I might also be slightly upset that if someone had kindly said they would do something such as sign photographs for passports that they hadn't done it a week later. After a week I would begin to think that the person had lost the photographs.....

the OP made a small and forgivable error of judgment by asking a professional who was in their workplace to do something that isn't their work.
The HT made an equally small, equally forgivable error of judgment by saying yes then realising she shouldn't have.

And tomorrow the rest of us will make similar errors of judgment.

Good secretaries make organisations run smoothly by ironing out these sorts of problems, not making things worse by over-literal repetition of comments made by a person who was expressing annoyance.