Private primary ed?

[AbieH]

So I don't want to sound pretentious/snobby/stuck up and I know a lot of people on here will judge me for this post but I'm going to go ahead and write it anyway.
My DD is 3 and will be starting school in September 2013, so I've started thinking about her education and talking to DH and other parents about what primary school will be best for her.
Both DH and I went through the private education system from the age of 5 up. I really feel that private education is worth it (if in an academically good school- NOT for the snobby suggestion that I don't want my DD 'socialising with the wrong kind of children'), right from the beginning of primary school. DH, on the other hand, doesn't think it's worth it until at least age 11. I know how lucky we are to be in a position where this is a dilemma, and to be honest the decision isn't only based on fees- it comes down to the fact that DH had an unhappy childhood and I had a very happy one, so the schools we went to don't really come into it.
AIBU? Or is he? Is it worth the money? Where do your children go? Thank you! xx

I would imagine that your different outlooks will have been influenced by the different areas you grew up in. Until you go and have a look at a few schools, you will be talking about the past.

I forgot to mention that I am a teacher in a private secondary school at the moment, so I'm not actually talking about the past at all! Looking at year 7s, I'm sorry to say this, but it's usually immediately obvious which schools they have come from... that's why I feel so strongly about it for my DD.
So yes, I suppose our ideas about education might have started from the different schools we went to, but now it's very much shaped by the children I see every day at work.

You'll have to go and look at the actual schools.

Some people think the early years are vital, as they help form the DCs whole attitude to school and education, and even if the money runs out later (and who knows what the future holds?) they have the grounding you chose, and one hopes a good shot at getting into a grammar or the top set of a comprehensive. Others think it is better to save and pay at secondary level, pruning the number of years and covering the public exam years.

It all comes down to your priorities, what the primary and secondary schools are like where you live (or expect to be living in the education years), and how secure your employment and investments are.

I'd look into local options you realistically can get to/get into and arrange to visit with DH.

Once you have seen options you will hopefully have a much better idea of what will suit your child best. Also things like availability of aftercare/holiday care may weigh into the decision.

I think if you work in a private school, you'll be disappointed if your child doesn't go to one......

I went private from 8, and needed a lot of help to get up to the standard required as, to put it bluntly, my first (state) school hadn't bothered teaching me very much at all.

Therefore when my DD starts nursery this September she will be starting at the nursery of a private school, and will continue her schooling there. Much as I'd like to save the money until she starts secondary school, I would rather give her what I consider to be the best start rather than her potentially having to play catch up later.

AbieH Interesting topic, almost started one similar myself. Not to bored everyone, because DS1 didn't get into any of our local schools and have been allocated one 2 miles away that is failing, DH and I are biting the bullet and got him a place at a private prep school. But I am still so undecided about it.

I have NO doubt about the private school we have chosen, we have seen many in the area and we love this one best. And everything that has happened since with the school (meeting with his future teacher etc) has only reinforced that. We think DS1 will be very happy there. However, we moved into the area last year because of the vast number of primary schools in the area and was looking forward to getting our DSs into local schools and really getting into the local community thing and I feel kinda gutted about giving up that dream. So it will be interesting to hear what everyone else's experiences/views are.

Have you looked at the children at your school in Year 13 and decided whether you can still tell where they came from??? No point looking at them in Year 7 and deciding on the basis of that. If you think in year 13 there are a bunch of unpleasant oiks at your school who have bad manners, poor grammar, are seriously underperforming, have no outside interests, clearly benefited in no way from their early childhood and have a crappy work ethic and they all happened to go to a state primary... then I'd be very surprised...

Personally, I think whether it is "worth it" or not depends on the child, the schools in question and what you think "worth it" actually means. Do you think it will mould your child into a nicer, more rounded person? A more empathetic person? A person with better general knowledge? A person with better exam results? A more employable person? A more interesting person? A more sheltered person? A person who feels confident to make their own way in life and not be pressured by others' expectations? A person who can feel proud of themselves for their achievements and how they were obtained? A self-disciplined person? A happy person? A person you would be proud to know? A generous person? And how much would the person they become and what they achieve be down to their primary school and how much down to themselves and the family they come from and a host of chance experiences in their life, good and bad, that can happen in any school if you are in the wrong or right place at the wrong or right time, with the wrong or right teacher? Or does "worth it" mean that any extra salary they could earn as a result would pay back the cost of all those years of school fees? (ie is "worth it" an economic consideration?!!!).

One thing that is glaringly obvious is that a private education isn't a universal panacea - just ask your dh. And frankly, if you are happy and feel fulfilled, you don't miss what you didn't have. What you didn't experience yourself, you often fear, though. So - what does "worth it" mean?

"Looking at year 7s, I'm sorry to say this, but it's usually immediately obvious which schools they have come from"

What was that about not choosing schools for snobbish reasons!!!!!!

Perhaps she means it's obvious from their academic standards and confidence?

We went through the same arguments. DH teaches at a private school. He went through private school from age 7, I from age 11. DH was adamant that DS should go into private from reception, I was less convinced.

In the end private won. Things that swayed the decision were a substantial staff discount (does your school offer thi?), small class sizes, the range of experiences the children get ... I also felt that when I started private school aged 11 there was so much I'd not done at state primary such as competitive team sport (!!) and French. I'm hoping that by DS being in the system from the start he will never have to play catch up in the way I had to.

It's such a tough decision. And I worry loads that his friends are way richer than us and totally unrepresentative of the 'real world'

Many people take it for granted that children from private school are years ahead in academic , do lots of sports, music, happy, confident, generally able, blah blah.
I am seeing my friend's two children both go to a expensive private school from nursery are nowhere close to my humble state children so far by any standard.
Sorry,I doubt 'it's usually immediately obvious which schools they have come from'.

Curious - I wonder if the OP means that she sees students who just haven't had the same range of subjects / experiences as those who started in private school at 5??? Eg when I started in a private school aged 11 I hadn't studied French at all in my state primary school. So in yr7 half the class had been having regular French lessons since age 5, the other half who had been in state primary schools had not and so had to catch up. It's no reflection of intelligence or potential, just that the private section seems to have the time and teaching specialists.

Not all children actually appreciate lots of sport, of course. Some would rather keep fit by running around pointlessly, playing silly games, going for a swim at the local pool and not having their inability rammed down their throats every afternoon .

rabbitstew I think it's unfair to assume kids in private education have their 'inability rammed down their throats every afternoon'. I was at the private school my DS1 will be going into and there was certainly a lot of running around pointlessly and playing silly games in the school yard!

I really wanted to post a thread very similar to the OP's but I knew it would end up in another private versus state argument when all I wanted was really to find out about people who have opted for private (for whatever reasons) and found that it has worked for them and how. As I said in my previous post, we certainly didn't choose to be in our position as we would have preferred our DSs to integrate into the local community by going to the local schools but damn these baby boom years!

When I look back on my life, I seriously doubt I will sigh sadly and wish I had gone to a prep school like two of my older siblings. Yes, I think they experienced some things I didn't and which I might have liked (and one of them actually got a good all round education...), but I had a much happier, more carefree early childhood. What is OK for one child, however, is not automatically OK for another and I also doubt, if I had gone to the prep school my dsis went to, that I would be looking back now and regretting that. However, particularly these days, unless you are colossally wealthy, if you are paying school fees for all your children you are probably missing out on many other possibly more beneficial ways of spending your money (it isn't as if high level music, sport, languages, expensive hobbies, etc, are only available within private schools as part of a big package - often you can get far better provision for these things outside of school; and help onto the housing ladder these days is pretty useful, too...).

angel1976 - I don't assume all kids in private education have their inability rammed down their throats every afternoon. I know that some do, though, just as some state school children are bullied and miserable and underachieve.

ps of course private education can work for people, otherwise it wouldn't exist. I think getting your child into a good, academic private school which you can afford and where they are happy can take a huge weight off your shoulders.

I'm starting all my kids in private prep because I believe and have been told that if I start them off at the highest level possible academically, then that will be better than trying to boost their motivation and academic level later on with extra homework and tuition. If we want to get them into the prep at 7 or 11yrs then we'll have a lot of work to get them up to the level of the kids that are already there.

The first few years of a child's development are the most important so I want it to be the best it can be. I'm not expecting them to be at the top of the class forever, or never to need extra tuition.

Please do explain op, how you can tell from which schools your Y7s came?

ps angel1976 - if your children had got into a local primary and were enjoying being part of the local community, you would probably be considering posting on here, asking whether that is what you really wanted after all or should you have opted for private, and how important are SATs results anyway, and will your children ever catch up with children in academic private schools? It's a parent's job to stress about every decision they make for their children and try to project unrealistically into the future, but there are seldom any black and white, right or wrong decisions to be made in life. You've made one of the many perfectly acceptable grey choices available to you.

My dd went to the local 'outstanding' state school and we moved her at the beginning of Yr 2. It was a very hard decision to make, but the right one for her. Large classes, some 'challenging' characters (the HT's description not mine) and generally a feel that she wasn't really achieving and being 'herself'.

I have to say that I am staggered by the education she is getting now, it is a million miles away from what she had. Obviously this will very much depend on the standard of the state schools and the equality of the private school, but in our case it shocks me there is so much difference (I was state educated in a pretty rough comp.).

Our dd is now the bubbly confident child she was when she started school in Reception, but then we lost part way through and at the beginning of Yr1, she has settled in well and everyone is amazed at the change.

You have to do what is right for your child and your family, although you won't know really until they start school what is going to be right for them!

I am glad in someways she went to the local school, she has made a lot of friends in the village and we now won't be thinking 'what if' if we had sent her straight to the private!

However, she has had some catching up to do, particularly in maths and her handwriting, and I do wonder how different things would have been if she had gone there from the start.

Rabbitstew I feel you initial post was unfair, the OP asked a honest and difficult question - Seeker, we have heard it all before!!!

In what way was my post unfair? She asked whether private education from primary age is worth it. That is an unanswerable question unless you agree what "worth it" actually means.

There are always good schools, not so good schools, one might work for somebody very well, but not for another one.

Generally speaking, is private school a solution to all sorts of problems existing in state schools? No.Will private school ensure you a stronger head start ?No.

There are many other factors played important parts,such as parents expection, involvement.

Common human feeling is when we paid we felt that we got the better one.

How about compromising and moving to private school at the start of KS2 ?