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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Do I report this incident to the school?

71 replies

Memoo · 19/04/2012 18:22

Ds is 11 and in year 6. He has many good friends and they've always had a bit of healthy banter about football.

Today on the short walk home from school he and his friend were arguing, again over football. It appears it got a bit heated.

The friend was calling ds names, ds told him to fuck off (I have made thing clear to ds that this is unacceptable)

The friend then hit ds in the face 3 times busting his lip. Ds also is complaining of a sore jaw. He is a little shaken and upset too.

I'm livid but I don't know where this child lives and previous conversations with the mother lead me to think she would react to me with anger.

I know it was outside of school but I'm thinking I could phone school and ask ds's teacher, who is also deputy head, to speak to this boy tomorrow about how his behaviour was unacceptable.

I'm just not sure I'm doing the right thing. Help!

OP posts:

Squeegle · 19/04/2012 20:30

But don't you think it's rather OTT for a one off incident, where as far as we are aware there are no witnesses, only the word of one boy against the other.

festi · 19/04/2012 20:34

but who said or knows it is a one off incident, and that me what the next mother and the next and so on untill this child is regularly going around smashing in the face anyone who does not stand up for their rights to not get their faces smashed in. Fair play if they had a tussle and a bit of shoving, but I think that it was particularly vilent to hit some one in the face 3 times and cause an injury.

Then one day when he is in court for causing more damage the police, courts, yot and social services, schools are wondering why this child managed to slip through the net.

Squeegle · 19/04/2012 20:35

Btw toughas from what you have said the attack on your daughter sounds as though it was a completely different kettle of fish.

festi · 19/04/2012 20:36

of course that may not be the case, but I think that is for someone who ihas a proffessional interest to make that make that judgement

Squeegle · 19/04/2012 20:37

festi I don't disagree in principle- if his face had been "smashed in", but he had a split lip.

Squeegle · 19/04/2012 20:40

And btw I an not condoning the incident one iota, or saying boys will be boys or any such cliches. I'm just saying don't use a hammer to crack a nut ( sorry had to use a cliche somewhere). It's about what is going to solve this issue best for all concerned- and i would think it's best to start at school.

festi · 19/04/2012 20:44

I understand that but as I said I do not think that a primary school would make use or or have access to the same resourses the police would to help solve any issues for the child who hit ops son.

ThisIsMummyPig · 19/04/2012 20:44

The OP is saying that she will contact the school - if everybody stuck to that plan then the school would know what the circumstances were, and would be able to give sensibe advise. I really don't think going to the police is a normal way to react. That so many of you suggest it actually scares me.

PeppermintCreams · 19/04/2012 20:59

You will certainly need to tell the school because they will query why your son has got a busted lip.

ragged · 20/04/2012 07:37

The boy would get a record, though, as long as he's formally identified as the culprit, it will almost certainly happen. Whether you think he should or shouldn't. That's what the system means, now. I wanted the police just to give a stern talking to the teens who ganged up on DS. That wasn't on offer, the police aren't given that kind of discretion any more. Or we could have pressed charges in which case the police would have veered towards giving a caution rather than prosecution (both permanent marks against the child's name). The best police could offer was Restorative Justice, which DS wasn't up for. And which is one of the few outcomes where a permanent note of the events might not be made.

If the lad has an angry mother she won't take kindly to police knocking on her door, either.

FallenCaryatid · 20/04/2012 07:56

Of course, the other boy could say that your son swore at him and attacked him first, but that he dodged and hit back in terrified self-defence. Even if that isn't what happened.

Coconutty · 20/04/2012 08:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Memoo · 20/04/2012 13:34

Hi all, I spoke to ds's teacher this morning and he was brilliant. He is going to talk to ds and the other boy today at school and he is also going to phone the other boys mum to let her know what has happened.

I'm happy with that. I have no desire whatsoever to involve the police over a childish argument that got out of control. However, I will do all it takes to protect my son. I'm hoping this is an isolated incident but if my ds is hurt again I will take things further.

Rather nervous about ds today. I'll be glad when school is over and he's at home.

OP posts:

fuzzpig · 20/04/2012 13:36

Glad the school was so helpful. Hopefully your DS will be ok :)

festi · 20/04/2012 13:42

glad you are happy with your the outcome, hope ds gets on O.K Im sure he will have an eye kept on him today by the teacher to ensure he is alright. let us know how he is when he gets home.

MigratingCoconuts · 20/04/2012 17:33

great outcome! hope it continues to go well...

Squeegle · 20/04/2012 17:53

Me too, I hope your boy is ok and had a good day today.

Mopswerver · 20/04/2012 18:32

Gather your courage up and ask if you can have a word with the parent. Keep calm and explain what happened and how it is simply unacceptable behaviour. She might surprise you but by the sounds of it you will get no-where. Then call the police and ask for the community Liaison Officer. They are brilliant and will visit the family and set them straight. You are then totally in the right. You have tried to resolve the matter first.

I would also tell the school as they need to know this sort of thing.

Bletchley · 20/04/2012 18:42

I don't think calling the police was at all necessary. Kids are learning the boundaries aren't they.

I wondered about an incident involving my own 11yo DS and a friend. They had an argument over a glow stick at a school disco. The other boy had taken less money than DS and was insisting that they should nonetheless share their purchases equally (I know this is true because he started trying to persuade DS whilst I was taking them to school). He took one of DS 's things and wouldn't give it back. In the end DS kicked him. I only know because DS told me, I don't know whether the other boy told his mum.

I told DS he shouldn't have kicked. He said it was the only way to get his thing back....

asiatic · 20/04/2012 20:13

If he was in school uniform at the time, then it is a school matter. Certainly report it. This boy's behaviour needs addressing, for his own sake as much as anyone else, it is unfair on BOTH boys to ignore it.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 21/04/2012 13:37

How was your ds when he got home on Friday, Memoo?

The PCSOs are often at our primary - not because it's rough (!) but as part of their community liaison work. They'd probably give a talk to Y6 about consequences or something in these circs; as they did when there was a bit of a vandalism problem in the village.

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