Do I report this incident to the school?

[Memoo]

Ds is 11 and in year 6. He has many good friends and they've always had a bit of healthy banter about football.

Today on the short walk home from school he and his friend were arguing, again over football. It appears it got a bit heated.

The friend was calling ds names, ds told him to fuck off (I have made thing clear to ds that this is unacceptable)

The friend then hit ds in the face 3 times busting his lip. Ds also is complaining of a sore jaw. He is a little shaken and upset too.

I'm livid but I don't know where this child lives and previous conversations with the mother lead me to think she would react to me with anger.

I know it was outside of school but I'm thinking I could phone school and ask ds's teacher, who is also deputy head, to speak to this boy tomorrow about how his behaviour was unacceptable.

I'm just not sure I'm doing the right thing. Help!

ditto coconutty, he hit him in the face 3 times, enough to burst his lip and cause pain, this is assault.

i have worked in a prison for 10 years and it never fails to shock me when i see people saying "i cant understand where it went wrong" - well probably when things like this aren't dealt with properly.

There is a duty on the parents to deal with this so OP does need to ensure the childs parents knows even if she doesn't feel comfortable telling her (which is understand completely).

And people wander why society is getting so bad......when people think this sort of behaviour from a 10 year old is okay

The other boy will also get to have his say and its quite likely that he will say your son hit too [this may or may not be true]

In the case of his word against his, they will probably both end up being punished- your son did have a part in it even if it was 'just' telling him to fuck off.

If you are prepared for your son to be punished also then go ahead and tell the school.

Report to police? definitely not!

I think you are being somewhat hysterical over this coconutty there has been reasoned and sensible advice to op with regards to why the police should be contacted. sunnyday is not suggesting this child should be locked up, but more that dealing with this in an appropriate manner at 10 may prevent him being locked up in the future. read my post at 18.43

I would not give a child a permanent criminal record on the back of this. That is what modern CRB checks mean. Anything & everything, every allegation, every investigation, is a permanent stain. Even children are not exempt.

I do not consider each & every blow between 2 human beings to be criminal assault. imho. Regardless of what the law may say about it.

There could be unacceptable repercussions for OP & her DS in making more of this incident than needs to be made. That would be on my mind, too.

10yo DS was duffed up in the park by 2x13yos, btw, so I've had to work thru all this in reality. Hope your DS feels better soon, Memoo.

If the child is in school uniform he is a representative of the school is what was always said to my parents whenever there was an incident so yeah report to the school and maybe the police aswell

given that the school know him and the situation much better than any of us, i would probably seek their advice about contacting the police.

Personally, its not the first reaction I had when reading the op. I think the school is a much more appropriate place to start off.

and that is a good point. if he was in uniform and on his way home then, technically, the school is in loco parentis and should take a role in the discpline.

Maybe a warning to the mother next time you'll involve the police??

I'm not going to call the police. Im going to call the school first thing in the morning and speak to their teacher to see what he advises.

And yes I am fully prepared for my ds being told off for swearing. I don't think my son is an angel who can do no wrong.

Schools have the authority to deal with incidents to and from school if students attend same school.

Although my school is secondary, I have dealt with similar situations previously. I have often contacted our school liaison officer for advice and also offer parents the option of police handling the incident, they are usually happy for us to deal with it in partnership with police. For example I would do mediation between the boys with police officer present to re-enforce potential consequences of reacting physically to conflict.

Works well even with stroppy teens

I would have thought that your DS's school will have links to local police and may even have allocated police officer who can support the school with this incident.

I would recommend informing school no matter what your decision as staff will need to be aware of the situation and any further consequences/fall outs from it.

Good luck

X post with everyone

I wouldn't involve police either, if this is the first time th child has been violent like this it is very likely there was something upsetting hime before the arguement that pushed him over the edge so to speak. Because of this I think the school is the best place to start as the teachers obviously know the children involved and, IMO, will actually impose more effective sanctions. As well as that the boy who hit the OP's DS is more likely to tell the truth to an adult he trusts.

hime? I think that was meant to be him!

I do wonder if those saying do not contact the police have kids who maybe have/would behave in this manner.

It is an assault and at the very least the police will speak to the boy which could be the scare tactic he needs. x

topknob that is actually really quite insulting. I hope you didn't mean it to be, because it belittles your argument to stoop so low.

no one is saying that the child needs to get a record or anything! - just that it needs dealing with properly and in a way that discourages it in the future- if the op expects a bad reaction in terms of temper from the mother, its possible she has similar issues so wouldn't punish his behaviour as much. The kind of mother who defends such a thing maybe as "well he was told to fuck off"

I wouldn't rely on the teacher to be as stern as a solid talking to from the police - that kid needs to have the fear put into him to ensure he learns from it

Of course the police shouldn't be involved- it's a completely different thing from an assault on an adult- boys fight all the time. They' re learning how to control themselves, and thus is part of the remit of a primary school- it's not just about learning to write.

Of course you should tell the school, and if course they should take action. I am sure thus boy's behaviour will be known to them

whilst i think the police should be involved im not advocating "fear" and "scare" tacticts, that would seem counter productive, more so what toughasoldboots suggests support and I would hope early identification of the need to either keep an out for this family and or provide relevent support. I would think a primary school are far less involved with joint working and prevention programmes as a secondary school would be, so I would put my faith more in the police in taking the lead in understanding this child and his behaviour and their judgement as to involvment with localy stratorgys to ensure if this child or family require support if they need it.

because lets face it it is not the usual responce of a 10 year old, to smash the face in of his friends.