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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

DS told off by lunchtime assistant - for something he didn't do - wwyd?

34 replies

PiedWagtail · 17/04/2012 19:24

Can't decide what to do here. I help in ds's class one pm every week. Today is the day. When I went in ds was in tears and teacher looked cross with him.

She told me he had been throwing stones at lunchtime and another child had got hurt. Ds very upset and said that grumpy lunchtime assistant had told him off for throwing stones, but that he had been standing holding a stone and hadn't thrown any.

His teacher didn't see incident but obv went by what the LA said. Now, wwyd? I am sure as I can be that ds is telling the truth.

Would you speak to the teacher/LA or just leave it, say that grown-ups get things wrong sometimes and forget about it? DS has a keen sense of fair play and was v upset to be told off when he hadn't done anything. WWYD??

OP posts:

pictish · 17/04/2012 19:25

Why was he holding a stone?

boringnickname · 17/04/2012 19:27

i'd be inclined to leave it, but just keep a sly eye on the goings on wiht "grumpy" LA, if she is grumpy, she might want to consider and alternative career!

ggirltwin2pinot · 17/04/2012 19:28

leave it

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 17/04/2012 19:28

I'd leave it alone and point out to him that it would've been wise to find a grown up to help him.

snowball3 · 17/04/2012 19:28

The LA said he had been throwing stones but you are "as sure as you can be" that your DS is telling the truth so presumably the LA is lying! Why would she?

Blu · 17/04/2012 19:28

I would say that it's bad luck that he got told off, sometimes adults do make the wrong decision, like refs on football matches can't see everything all of the time - and that if he hadn't been holding a stone he couldn't have been blamed!

There'll be times he gets praised for things he didn't do, either. Will you be taking it up then? It's good for kids to be able to take the rough with the smooth and negotiate their own feelings about it.

LikeARollingStone · 17/04/2012 19:29

I'd leave it, part of life unfortunately...

yousankmybattleship · 17/04/2012 19:31

Why was he holding a stone?

I'd just have a chat with him, explain why throwing stones is so dangerous and why teachers therefore have to crack down on it straight away. If he wasn't throwing stones then his conscience should be clear, but he has to understand that it was perfectly reasonable for the teacher to think that he might be.

I certainly wouldn't make a big deal about it. It is very hard to lunchtime staff to know exactly what is going on and they do their best. I'm sure you want to feel confident that everything is being done to make sure children are playing safely and stone throwing is taken seriously and with a large number of children to watch it is impossible to get it right all the time.

festi · 17/04/2012 19:33

leave it, unfortunatly these things happen. tell ds as long as he knows the truth, that is all that matters.

Original poster

PiedWagtail · 17/04/2012 19:58

Cool - thanks all - -good to get some perspective :)

OP posts:

treadonthecracks · 17/04/2012 20:21

I'm a lunch assistant and I agree with the others. She may have made a mistake but she will be aware your DS is a good lad and I'd be pretty certain this is a one off.

madwomanintheattic · 17/04/2012 20:27

I'd tell him if he picks up stones when other people are lobbing them and others are getting hurt he's going to get tarred with the same brush.

The more upset he is, the better, I think. It will stick with him.

Dd1 had a similar experience when a friend of hers did something unwise. She got absolutely torn to shreds by the teacher and spent the entire afternoon in tears.

Sometimes it isn't what you do. It's what your friends do, and where you are when the unwise behaviour is happening.

A salutary lesson to steer clear.

And not pick up stones.

SocialButterfly · 17/04/2012 20:29

Agree with madwoman he was obviously considering throwing a stone if he was holding it, he needs to suck it up and take the consequences.

pictish · 17/04/2012 20:31

That's why I asked why he was holding a stone.
He was holding a stone because he was going to throw it.

choccyp1g · 17/04/2012 21:03

Perhaps he had caught the stone.

SarkyWench · 17/04/2012 21:05

Maybe he was keeping the stone safe (so it didn't get thrown by the baaad children)

pictish · 17/04/2012 21:06

Of course Sarky! That must be it!

FashionEaster · 17/04/2012 21:09

Happened to dc1 at lunchtime when he was blamed for something his much naughtier friend did. Had a chat to miffed dc1 about how sometimes you can get told off for something that you haven't done - it was life/adults sometimes get it wrong. If it was a serious matter or happened repeatedly then I would intervene on his behalf but as it was a one off he should take it on the chin. Had to then explain what taking it on the chin meant, but he got the point and was happy I understood.

Original poster

PiedWagtail · 17/04/2012 21:42

Thanks Fashion - think that's it. DS's friend had given him the stone. DS has copied his friend in the past and I think this is more of the same.

OP posts:

juniper904 · 18/04/2012 00:11

If you didn't help out once a week, would you feel differently about it?

Would you even know about it?

cory · 18/04/2012 13:34

Ok, so his friend was throwing stones and had given him a stone too. This sounds like a good time for a lesson in how to keep safe from the influence of friends. Your ds needs to learn that copying his friend will get him into trouble, that if he is caught mishbehaving nobody will care whose idea it was, and that if there is misbehaving he needs to dissociate himself from it. If it had been ds I think I would have been inclined to look at him sternly and say "so, there was stone throwing and other children might be getting hurt- why did you not try to stop it by getting an adult?"

VonHerrBurton · 18/04/2012 13:51

Another child got hurt - so a stone actually hit another child? I'm not surprised all involved were spoken to, and if your ds used the word 'grumpy' to describe the LA to you - I actually think it's a bit cheeky of him and whether he was holding or throwing I would be quite cross with him.

Different if he was just standing around, but he had a stone in his hand!

seeker · 18/04/2012 13:56

Hmm. Why do you believe him over the LA? If he was holding a stone, and a stones were being thrown, then he is implicated. I would be more worried about th child that was hurt, to be honest.

seeker · 18/04/2012 13:57

And if my ds told me a friend "had given him a stone to hold" I would have a face like this .

VonHerrBurton · 18/04/2012 14:03

seeker (thread detour, OP, sorry...) your dd(?) Grace, on your profile? She is stunning! x

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